Idinraha unshackled...

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March 31, 2005

Prancing aimlessly

i slept a lot last night, and curiosly checked myself in the mirror
this morning, i had read somewhere that people who sleep 8 hours a day lose weight faster.

I am good all day, behaving, but at night I get the munchies, I think is more boredom than anything, maybe my age but what goes on TV this days dont interest me as much, I watch HOUSE,md and also the Law&Order series, thats about it, although I always liked Shield too, and the addition of Glen Close to that show has made it more interesting.

Not everything is back to normal, I have not exercised in a few days and that usually gets to me, I also feel thin skinned, and every small thing seems to bother me. I hope its the effect of everything happening in the last week, and with a bit of excersize it would go away. Fereydoon has been trying to cheer me up, sending me funny bits, thanks man, you rock. I wrote a new poem and posted it on Poets.com, its called MY ANIMAL FEMALE. Its a fine piece, very provocative, i will probably post it here soon.

Well, spring is here, and the promise of warmer weather, longer days, and pretty soon summer, and i can not wait to get on Amir's boat for a day on the sound. Lil sis, Maryam has left us a comment and given you a different view of the happenings last week, read it.
Cyrus also has left us a comment, otherwise we are in slumber, I know I need a bit of time and lots of excercise to get back to my usuall self. so i will be prancing aimlessly, and will see in the movies.

Posted by Idinraha at 03:23 PM | Comments (1)

March 29, 2005

Eating You Alive

It's your humid geography,
The supple weight
Of your breasts,
The curve of your back.

It's the scent of you,
The feel of your skin
Against my face, the pull
Of your lips, and your breath
The essence of you, the life you live

It's the invitation of your black irises
To the far outs of your seeing, the way your
skin creases when you smile, the way your voice
Comes muffled in a whisper, when you call my name

It's the hold of your fingers, hanging on me,
It's the taste of your mouth, the scent of your breath,
And the quiet urges of you that hurls inside so content

It's the urgency of my consumption,
And the severity of my hunger,
How I will bruise your skin,
And tear your soft flesh, the
Delight of mu nails and teeth,
As I cut through you with a smile
And lap on your blood, the efficiency
of my rituals, as I swallow every morsels of you,
Holding you deliberately in my mouth, between my
Tongue and teeth, and the way I clean your bones,
crack their soft shaft and suck the morrow of your
Life, as I laugh in delight, feeling you in my throat
And my belly, your flesh, your blood in me, your eyes
Your tongue, your breath, your dreams, consumed by me,
As I go urge on you, eating you alive

Posted by Idinraha at 05:19 PM | Comments (0)

Camile

One of the best movies I have seen is a French Movie, called Camile Claudel. Isabella Adjani plays the roled of Camile, and she also produced the movie. It's a passionate piece, beautifully acted, about Camile, and her relationship with Rodin, the French sculptor.

It is a fascinating tour de Force, of their lives, and how savagely they loved each other, and the effect of their relationship on their work, if you like unique art movies, I highly recomend it. There is a scene in the movie that shows rodin working with a nude model, and the way he hold her and touch with his eyes closed, trying to learn her body, is a marvel in sight and visuall artistery.

Posted by Idinraha at 01:49 PM | Comments (0)

Muddy shoes, and the little Boo

Monday Morning, I took my Black dress shoes from the closet, there were still mud left on them from Dawood's ceremony, I did not clean them, just let them be, it was raining outside, and where I was going there would only be more mud, so I suited up, and left. By eleven O'clock, I was driving toward Philadelphia, with LiL sis Maryam, my mom, my dad, Hossein and his son Ahmad. We got lost a bit, the roads were bad, and it was raining cats and dogs. Actually it was a blessing that we got lost, by two O'clock we were at the cemetry, there were over one hundred people gathered around the grave, thankfully we had missed the acuall putting of the body in the grave....In our religion there is no barrial in a caskette. Mansour my cousin actually had washed the body himself, just imagine that, washing the lifeless body of your son, eh, then they wrapp the body in a white cloth, head to toe, and put it in the ground, then they remove the cloth from the face and pour dirt on the face, and cover the body with a slab of stone, and fill the grave up.

By the time we got there the slab had been placed so we did not see the body, I was greatfull to miss it. Arash's mother was sitting on the ground, screaming and crying loud, her face was white, no blood, and her voice coarse. Every one was crying hard, the rain was pouring and all these people dressed in black, water up to our ancles, and mudd all over every ones clothing, It was quite a scene.
I cried, as hard as I could, it seemed Gods were crying too. The body was burried, and we all went back to the car, and followed Sepideh's car to her house.

Inside the house there were flowers everywhere, and tables and chairs set for lunch, Sepideh found my mother, and dad, hanged on to them and cried again, then she brought a photo album of when Arash was three month old and they lived with us. There were pictures of him in my dad's house, the little boo, sitting happy and content. After a while, we left my mother and sister at Sepideh's house and went to a masque near by. Again there were tables set, lunch was served, and after ward there were prayers. We left Philadelphia at quarter after eight.

I saw many of my family there, the kids are grown, the girls , the boys, all these familiar faces that had one thing or another in common. We have a very large family in North East, and usually we do get together in large gatherings for weddings or special ocasions, and now it has come to this, we difinitely are in a different stage of our lives. But It is always good to see the family to feel a part of the pack. there is safety in numbers, and solace in getting hugs, crying together, and being there for each other. It was sad poignant, but necassary for me to go, it was good.

On the way back, Hossein drove, it was still raining, I felt kinda lost in the middle of all those cars, in the rain somewhere on route 95, I wanted to be home, with my beauties, I wanted the rain to stop, I wanted us to stop, just all these goings and comin backs, i am not used to being lost after 6 pm, usually I am home at that time, dry and content, I just wanted the day to end. Hossein put Cat Stevens on, and we sang along the whole CD, smoked cigarette, and plow through the rain and all those flikering lights, and then we stoped, I picked up my car, and could not wait to get home, just to be inside our garage, with the car's engine off the way I usually am at the end of my days, walking inside to safety of their smiles, hugs, and kisses.

I walked upstaires, checked on the kids, Marjan was up, we talked a bit, she made me something to eat, and I had a beer, and fell sleep on the couch watching TV. I know at some point I went upstaires, since I woke up in my bed, with Amin kissing me, and hugging me, complaining about my absence. It was so good to be there, right there
in my bed with Amin, while I could hear Marjan showering, and could imagine Kiana still sound sleep. LIFE IS GOOD

Posted by Idinraha at 12:07 PM | Comments (2)

March 25, 2005

Heart is alonely hunter

A beutiful surprise, a generous allowance, so kind, I started my day at the laptop, by opening an email from my LOVE monger friend, my Fereydoon, telling me to listen, and such beautifull song he sent me,
and then Cyrus with an email, he will be on line soon, can not wait to tease him again as I do, and he also made fun of the Lonely one paragraph I wrote for the book, and what a short story this is. well my Mancrush does know that the biggest journeys start with the first steps, and as I surpeised him with the volume of my wrting in this site that he made me, I am sure he will be pleasantly surperised at the girth of my story telling. Jon, my friend and one time partner(he will deny both accounts I am sure), also paid me a visit this morning with his family, it was nice to see Beth, and the kids, apecially their daughter Joan, which I did not have the pleasure of meeting. He is a kind, generous man, who once accused me of seducing him, and has helped me plenty, trying to set me on the right course.

Marjan was telling me the other day how nicely written and very pollished was Fereydoon's little story, how she enjoyed and even wanted to leave a comment for him. So my friends do check it out, if Marjan says it is fine, it is. My new poem, SURETTES AND PSALMS IN CIRCLES, is getting great reviews, and it may set me back on writing more poetry, of course MeTal's encouragement has always been a great factor. Since the circle is completed, I like to ask all of you again for a Guest Rants, it started with Cyrus and his puzzle, which I actually sat last week for another hour to do it, but I failed, and then MeTal, Maryam, and we do accept Fereydoon's story, as his rant.
So guys, lets do it again. and who ever comes up with the first one, will get a life time supply of PEPPERATION H, Cyrus is probably the most elligable and needy in that department since I have been a PITA
to him for the longest time, only Marjan can challange him on that, since she does live with me.

Have you notice how we live a very lonely life, whether sarrounded with friends and family and even amongst the crowds, in our head we have a sole presentaion of ourselves that even at the most intimate moments, it still exist alone. This great mechanism of thoughts, and ideas, rolling within our heads, minds, we could be standing silently but inside it could be a cyclon of images, sounds, dreams, and wishes, that unless we talked aloud about every fleeting piece of it, we can never share it all. Our emotions, our visions, dreams, for us only since we may share a minute pieces of it even with our closest soul mates and friends. this self, that even in our sleeps wonders within the possibilities of dreams, restlessly looking, analysing, and wanting, our soul, the voice that we all have present in our heads. So basically we do get to share some presntaion of who we are or how we precieve ourselves, but the depth of our being never comes to be exposed, we are all mysteries, and such wonder.

Marjan is hard at work, getting all her withchery and spells in her command, brewing concusions, simmered in love, preparing dishes for tommorow night, family and friends are comming, all the usuall suspects, gonna be a big bunch of people, Fafar and her sisters,with their very international mates, Hootan, Alexandra and Ruby, Amir, Julie, Kamran, Miraneh, all the kids, Miraneh's parents,
it should be fun, if you can attend, any of you please hop over, you will enjoy it.

Posted by Idinraha at 12:06 PM | Comments (2)

March 24, 2005

Can not get enough

Snow in March, in Spring, yes, yes we got another load of it, and last night driving in snow and wind, I look out at the extending white ahead of me, and for a few minutes I could get lost since, there was a road, and trees full of snow, not much traffic, and the wind blowing outside. I am nursing a cold, and my nose is red, my face puffier than ever, and I do have a sinus headache, otherwise life is good, where are you guys, Fereydoon is probably travelling and spending a few days with his sons, Cyrus has a major meltdown on his hand, and is off the computer, but he managed to leave us a few comments, Maryam is busy with her exams, remo0delling her house, and her two beautifull daughters, Fafar's kids are sick and she has her hand full, but we are supposed to see her on Saturday over our house.
MeTal, has reviewed my recent poem on poets ,com, and she likes it, she has an amazing skill in disecting my poems, and show me things in them that I did not know. She is wrting about NaTure these days, so she will not get any reveiws from me, She is just showing off her mastery of words, and image making. Hootan has told me that he is visiting, but not untill he leaves a comment we can recognise his existance in these pages, I also sent the adress to the site to a friend of mine, upon his request, he has been very nice to me lately and if he visits and leave comments then we will wellcome him.

Otherwise things are the way they always are, days go by smoothly, and we wonder around in our little bubbles. Once Cyrus fixes his computer program, we will discuss the way to show the book, I have written the first paragraph,(hoopidy doo), and I have a feeling the rest is coming to me. I wish you all a haqppy spring, and can not wait for the sunshine and it's warmth.

Posted by Idinraha at 04:46 PM | Comments (1)

Falling in love,

I know, I know, its a very widely used term, but to some extent it is our favorite past time, it's Androphin galore, you walk on air, and nothing bothers you, you are connected, elated, and the energy that you have, the day dreams, and the time you spend with your beloved is so presciouss. Does marriage destrys love, well that's a strong word, Marriage redirects love, it gives it a new dimension, marriage is not easy and it takes lots of care to stay in it, but the rewards are countless. Married people live longer, well that's a good fringe benefit, there is of course that famous joke; Why married men die sooner than their wives, because they want to. Or Meat loof's Lyric, " Now I am waiting for the end of time, cause if I spend another minute with you , I dont know if I can survive." well you committe to beloved by the Dashboard light, and you can not expect much. Europeaqns , specially French have a more relaxed idea of marriage and sex. You have your boy toy, and I have the nymph next door, but I do not ask, and you do not answer, and everybody lives happily ever after.

I saw a program on ABC 20/20, about Swingers; married couple that get together with other married couples, and everything goes, there is ten million of them in united states. Their logic is that no man or woman, can or should put up with one partner in life, and this is a more honest way of staying in a marriage. Well, hmm, I do not know, but if my wife is being unfaithfull to me I rather not witnesse it. One of the couples said, that their eighteen years old son also knows about what they do, and he is okay with it. Golly Gee, we have come a long way.

I know also men, or women that watch their spouses very closely, moniter their outings, check the telephone bills, their computer logs and make an ass of themselves in the process. Remember we are all adults,-" yes at one point in my life you were the love of my life, but I have moved on, I have grown, and as a free person I can do what I want.". The staement is true, and I believe if one wants to walk outside their commitments and marriage bounds, one will do, no matter what the other partner wants or needs. We are all free, and have the liberty to navigate our lives where we want to.

Surprisingly, if you ask married men why they cheat on their wives, the first answer is " I am married but I am not dead.", or "its the pleasure of the hunt", and onther one" there is no passion left in our relationship any more, I miss the beginning,the first kiss, the first time". and of course VARIETY. Yes the first beginnings can be exiting, we all remember our first kiss, and how it shook us and took us away. Variety is always good and healthy, and passion is yummy. But as adults we also know that everything has a price, everything has a cost, and we are not the same people any more that we were many years ago, we have different needs now, and are inspired with different entities. There is also Intimacy, and the respect for yourself, this inclination in all of us to be good, and moral, Guilt is also a factor, and toward the end but maybe most important, the kids (if you have them), the house and the cost of Divorce. so before you pay he clerk for the hourly usage of the motel room, if the light finds its way through the havoc of Hormones, and desires and turns on, one might think twice.

Marriage is not easy we all kn0ow that giving so much of yourself to another person, and sometimes you have to wait a long time before the other person learns how to give back, and of course raising kid puts so much pressure on the marriage, you wonder why you even wanted one, but there are many joys to that too. and there are doubts, does he or she understands me, am I on the right track, are we happy together, and they come to you one after another. I live only once, and do I want to spend the rest of my life with that bitch, or that bastard. There was a funny movie, kinda dark comedy ROSE V ROSE, where the wife tells her husband, " these days the sight of you , the smell of you, makes me physically sick", to one extent or another we all reach those points and then there are moments, that you look at her face, your eyes lock, and you know you do not want to get up in the morning and see another face in your bed. Marriage takes caring, and expressions, loving, touching, and most of all SPACE, and RESPECT.

The fact that you married me and accepted to live with me, every day of your life, has been a choice, not a trap. You can grow in any dimensions you need to personally, and our marriage should help you to do that. You are free, and you have been a gift to my life, I should learn not to take you for garuantted. A few years ago Kiana had a dance recital on school stage, I got to the hall where parents were, and I saw my wife, dressed in a beautifull Kaki color dress, all made up, with her long her, and the excuisitte profile, I looked at her and I know I fell in love with her again, telling myself, Man what else do you want. Yes it is good to remind yourself, that she or he is here of her own free will, and he or ahe could leave, and if she chooses to stay that is a gift and blessing to my life. We also give each other lots of space, she has her own friend, and I have mine, and we do share them, she has her own times,and I have mine. And I like her as a person, and respect her for her abilities, for her thrives, opinions and wants. Since Marjan started reading these pages we have been getting closer, she gets to know more of this man she married to, and we get to talk more, I even get to have tea more than I used to. If she sees me flirting (my favorite past time), she knows that the joy I get from it is healthy for me and our marriage, and vice versa. Do we have a perfect marriage, far from it, but we are committed to each other, and are working on it, no matter what, rain or shine. Am I flirting with faith, only God knows, but for now there is no other face I like to see next to me, before I fall sleep, and when I wake up, and I thank her whenever I can for choosing to spend every day of her life with me.

Posted by Idinraha at 09:46 AM | Comments (0)

March 23, 2005

Wait..............................a poem by Galway Kinnel

Wait, for now.
Distrust everything if you have to.
But trust the hours. Haven't they
Carried you everywhere, up to now?
Personal events will become interesting again.
Hair will become interesting.
pain will become interesting.
Buds that open out of season will become interesting.
Second-hand gloves will become lovely again:
Their memories are what give them
The need for other hands. the desolation
Of lovers is the same; that enormous emptiness
Carved out of such tiny beings as we are
Asks to be filled; the need
for the new love IS faithfulness to the old.

Wait.
Don't go early.
You are tired. but everyone's tired.
But no one is tired enough.
Only wait a little and listen;
Music of hair,
Music of pain,
Music of looms weaving our loves again.
Be there to hear it, it will be the only time,
Most of all to hear your whole existance,
Rehearsed by the sorrows, play itself into total exhaustion.

Posted by Idinraha at 12:16 PM | Comments (0)

Milton in progress

Last night I watched Charlie Rose, interviewing Rebbeca Miller(Arthur Miller's daughter,), a writer and director, with Daniel Day Louis, the actor, who is also married to Ms, Miller. They have colaborated on a new movie, written and directed by Ms, Miller, named THE Ballads OF JACK, AND SARA. Mr, Louis id one of my favorite actors, which was introduced to American Movie goers in MY BEAUTIFULL LAUNDRETTE, A ROOM WITH A VIEW, AGE OF INNOCENCE, MY LEFT FOOT (won him his first Oscar), LAST OF THE MOHIGANS, and portraying Bill The Butcher, in Martin Scorceses Movie, GANGS OF NEW YORK, the most mamazing acting I have ever seen, worthy of another Oscar, which he lost for sypatetic causes.

It was a greath interview in depth, about the whole process of writing, acting, and movie making. I enjoy such uncoverings, since I know the words, and meanings stay with me, and will inspire me somehow, actually it downed on me while watching it, that MILTON, the main character in my book would be so differently than how I depicted him originally. He would be married, but no kids, and the whole book will be a journey mostly within his mind, his relationship with Bernard, the character from his old book, his wife;
she would be also more explored and fleshed out, and a new character, his Psychiatrist, which definitely would be a woman, somehow losely based on my own Psychiatrist and my relationship with her. Just findinf that brought such a joy to me, you see writers do not write books with clear maps in their heads, they find characters who actually show you the way, and this process is such a joyfull discovery. As I told you, I did write a rough draft of the first paragraph that I sent to three of my Collabaratoes, and was advised by one of them to my satisfaction. But you have to be patient, I know the process has already started, the characters are fleshing out in my subconscious mind, and once ready top show themselves they will catch my attention and pour out of me on the paper. the skeletons are there, and the tissues, flesh and bones are being put in the right places, and soon we will observe their birth.

Amir, my gracefull braother in law, told us last night that he had an epiphany while his flight was approacing New York, of how we are always in transition, going somewhere, or planning, to , or coming back , in constant movement, moving within this NOW we live in while constantly planning our next route of movements. Yes Life, and time proceeding in delibrate flow, extending, and taking us through our lives, preordained, or manufactured by our will, or maybe a simmering brew of both. Life is such a wonder.

And my Kiana, she danced with me,at the Norouz party, so beautifully she followed my lead, doing the HUSSLE, partner dancing at its best, and made my heart fill with joy, by enjoying the moment and the realization, that god willing this would be only a prelude to so many dances with her, she takes my breath away. On Majid's last night in our home, somehow she sneaked into Majid's room and left him a beautifull hand written note, wishing him good sleep and pleasant dreams. Majid was surprised and impressed, and he returned the favor, so last night when we got home, Amin, and Kiana each got a very nice hearfelt messages left on their beds by Majid. It was so kind of him, I think Majid has learned a bit about giving in a more intimate way from my ever precocious Kiana. She always amazes me with her emotional maturity, and the depth of her generosity. And I am as always charmed, bewildered, and taken by her.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:36 AM | Comments (1)

Dar Issar Faslha Che Shkoohist, There is such glory in allowance of seasons,

Oh what a few nights of good sleep does to you, also having the normalcy of every day living. last night we had a great gathering over Akram's house, she had outdone herself, and the beauty of it, is that she does it with such ease and grace. Miraaneh's Parents are here from Iran, so we had the privilage of seeing Mr, and Mrs, Manzoori. He is such a gracious Devil, a man with appetite for life, and there is always mischief in his eyes, easy to talk to, and very charming. Hootan was there too, with Alexandra and Ruby, Alexandra is not very talkative, and she probably is till trying to make sense of who we all are and what we do, and RUBY, Alexandra's mother, always dressed to the nines, beautifully done short hair, moosed, and stylish, one of the most well dressed ladies I have seen in my life, she is beautifull, very poised with infectious laughter.
We were sitting across the table, and you know how I can not resist pretty ladies, so we were flirting all night,there is something very lively about her, very precious. I always enjiy having her around, and she promissed we go drinking, the two of us, one of these nights.

Hootan, our Doctor in residence, has a inquisitive mind, you can always count on him to come up with some interesting facts about the latest news or discoveries. He is very well read, and a bit of recluse. Last night we talked about Tery Schivo, the girl that has benn in vegitative state for fifteen years, and now they have taken her feeding tubes out, allowing her to die, Hootan brought to our attention that what we seem to forget is not her living but the quilty of her life, being fed by tubes, and wearing dippers, can we call that life, with no hope what so ever for any cure, or progress in her condition. He was angry that how politicians are rounding up to take advantsge of her situation for their own agenda. He also talked about Dr, Kevorkian, Dr, of death, and his incarseration." There is a point in life, that the persistance of pain, and lack of any cure, would make life much worth than death", Hootan implied. I have respect and admiration for Hootan's intelligent and his skill as a Doctor, and this coming from him was a new angle for me to look at this situation, and I should say I do agree with him.

On the lighter side, it seems the good Doctor is visiting the site, since he was telling Ruby, that I have made a fortune acting in Gay porn before I met Marajan, that's exactly the line I used introducing Majid at the NOROUZ party, He also told Ruby that I am a transvestite in my head, and write graphic poetry with a womean's voice, I encouraged Ruby to specially check my poem< Ode to my Breasts, she laughed not knowing but definitely presumiong we were joking !!!. After Dinner, Ruby and I played indoor plate throwing, by wooshing a paper plates across the table, it was fun and of course she won. The kids got their Eidees (cash gifts), lots of money exchanged hands, Amir and Julie have kept their traddition of giving Gold coins to the kids, which is such an old and gracious way of gift giving. Marjan was exhusted due to lack of sleep, too much partying, and excersing, taking care of her brood, and also our guest Majid, for the last few days, so she left early to go home anf get some sleep. It was a great evening, between the food, the smilling, kind faces, being around each other,
Joking, and laughing, knowing you are wanted here, and you are loved,
and hopefully we will get to do this again and again, yup, good memories are made when you are enriched, body and soul.

Posted by Idinraha at 10:27 AM | Comments (1)

March 22, 2005

Does anybody remember laughter

It's a good question, but what is laughter, expression of joy, and all the pleasures it brings, a very simple movement, I know it takes lots of muscles to do it, but the end result, expressions of your face, the sound, and then a sweet sweet pleasure that takes over you, we are so complete, Human body can brin g so much pleasure, calm, and release to itself, only if we know who to. I know I am a Gym Junkie, so is my wife, we can not spend a day without it. and what it does for us, brings down our stress, raises our metabolism, the body's ammiune system, regulates your blood presure, strenthens your heart and longs, no medication needed, it's all inside, you just got to know how to get there, simply exercise. Just do it

Majid is leaving tonight, last niht like most monday nights, I bought my magezines, had my dinner and retired to the bedroom, Kiana showed up soon, hanged arround a bit, and by eight oclock, we were both falling sleep, Amin Joined us soon, I was up at ten thirty, went down stairs, Majid and Marjan were up, I had a piece of fruit, and we chat for a while, mostly about deppression, the effect of excerise on it, and the fact that most of us from my mother side to some extent suffer from depression. I always talk freely about my Paxil, and how it did save me, and I still use it, every day. The way I look at it,it's chemical imbalance in my brain, My Seretonins are lazy, and they can not reach to make the connection they should, and Paxil helps that. Depression is like having Havoc in your head, it's the most common disease amongst us, and like any other malady should be helped, and cured. so if you have the symptoms, seek help, your life will be changed, and you can thank me for it later.

We are going over Akram's house tonight, everybody will be there, and as usuall good food, and good compony. Cyrus has been AWOL, probably travelling, Fafar's kids are still sick, and she is busy, Fereydoon sent me a card, for Norouz, but has not left any messages, MeTal is trying to catch up after her long absence. I know Shahrzad, and Mojgan visit here, but ussually they do not leave messages. I have lost four pounds so far, and in a minute will be going to Gym to lose a bit more, Happy tuesday, Viva Laughter, Loving, and Paxil

Posted by Idinraha at 04:09 PM | Comments (6)

March 21, 2005

Not having to explain

No, I will not explain, there is no need, I live this life the way I can, stretching on the rug this morning, with windows open as the cold air rushed in, by myself pulling my muscles, pushing further, and the calm it brought me between the delight of the fresh air, and movements of my joints letting go of the sleep, the stillness of these Little Death we practice, the allowance of venturing to the edges of unconsciouness with no price to pay but rest, void of any thoughts, any worrys, calmly vegitating, laid down, just living, being there, with no attention to time or place, hibernating in the altered states of being and not knowing, safe. I looked at the mirror, and fear find me in a tinge at pit of my stomack, I know the face, a bit of gray hear and there in my hair, and my beard, trying to adjust my irissis, the way I do , just a habit, to make sure they are alligned, my skin is softer, sagging a bit, not obvious enough, a few soft blemishes on my cheecks and nose, my teeth not as white , not as staright, but my teeth, the way they have been all these years, inside my mouth, my tools, a bit colored, but still healthy. I adjusted my glasses on my nose and softly carresed the lines on my forehead, I could use a hair cut, I thought, but short hair would expose my meaty face, kinda puts it out more displayed. My face, aging, in a way the way I always wanted it, youth never looked good on me, I always wanted the black and white beared, the lose eyelids softening my gaze. I always wanted to be older, having thoughtfull guestures, calmer moves , deeper silences and awareness of all things around me. My mother always says, "Javad, you were born old", and I remember when I hooked up with Mahnaz a year or two before I come here, she told me "javad, we always thought you were too serious for a kid, you never smiled". It was turning Fourty, it was like a new beginning for me, like for the first time I had a clear image of this body, this person that I have inhabited for all these years. I felt more comfortable in my body, and the restlessnes had subsided a bit. Well I guess I started enjoying my being who I am, not in peace yet, but who wants peace, it is good in small doses, but not to laul all our senses. a bit of urges, and yearning would serve me good, so I could take my trips to the woods, and browse, where I should not dare. I guess I like aging. It also gives you certain liberty to not explain, a bit more space,"he knows what he is doing". they might say, or "we like him as he is, a bit tilted, we are used to him". We become our Fathers, we see their faces in ours, and there is definitely a certain comfort in that.

Posted by Idinraha at 12:43 PM | Comments (0)

Filling the Void

she knew, feeling him in her bones
She could hear, the brushing of the leaves
ebbing the silence muffled and hush,
she could see his breath, the cold eyes
as he brought his head down smelling
the soil, and then up to sniff the air
the windows were locked, the door shot
but he knew she was there

She felt a tinge a sensation
at her center that ran through her
Not fear, excitement, ruunig under
her skin, stretching in her, filling
the void that predictibility
of every days had left, she
took a long breath.

He pranced around,
It was not the hunger in him
He missed the urgency of the hunt
and the severity of the kill
His teeth ached, the thirts
in him, the warmth of the flesh
croaded in blood, under his teeth
in his mouth the texture, the taset
chewed and swallwed, going dwon
inside his throat, and belly
filling the void.

She opened the door
stood on the balcony,
the air was cold, clear
Fresh on her skin, she needed
To see him, she was far enough
her heart sped, the blood wooshed
under her skin heaving the flesh
The yearning inched and climbed

He saw her, sniffing the air
carrying her scent that flowed
In air, her humid essence, damp and
tortured, inching inside him in
a twirl, dizzying his head, he
Howled, in a low voice, long
And delibrate,

She stood by the railing
cut her palm against the edges
and let the blood dripp
along side her fingers
Falling down on the soil
Red, and living, spread

He followed the scent
and lapped his tongue taking
it in, as much as he could,
As much as it came, on his tongue
inside his mouth the taste of her blood
her humid damp essence, freah and living
filling the void in him, then he left.

Posted by Idinraha at 12:09 PM | Comments (1)

The Hours

Virgina served tea,
Sitting down in the garden
Mrs, Dallaway sat properly
-The english rose, her creamy skin
Caontrasting her red hair, Laura Brown
Sat still looking out with her
Soulful eyes sunken, and moist

The tea was hot, and
Thw Bisquits deliciously sweet,
But the silence lurked heavy,
"There should be other alternatives"
Mrs, Dallaway whipered, " you are defining
And shaping many lives", she cried,
Virginia almost shocked, hearing such deffiance,
Tried ti balance her self, putting her hands
On the table, digging in with her feet

" You are breeding discontent, setting
Ideals, created by the maladies of your mind,
Dispatching a reality so cold in it's core, so baren"
Mrs, Dallaway said, uttering each word fully
pollished in their essence, like needles
Suturing an open gash, percise and deliberet,
"I will marry Peter, and you would set this right"
She said a bit louder, then got up took
Her umberella and left.

Virgina sitting ashen faced, feeling torn,
Violated, scorned, apprehensive, sad, and
Happy, baskin under mid afternoon sun her
frame shaking, her lips quivering, her
Eyes in horror, her hair down

Alone by herself and so close
To her deliverence, her hand-
Picked quiet exit, idealogically
Merrited, explained and confirmed
By her corruption of Mrs, Dallaway,
And now this, as close as a walk to
The lake, at hand, and present, this
Peace eluding her, as certain as it
could be, She had to live another day

Posted by Idinraha at 11:43 AM | Comments (0)

Finding Gag ball and chains at Fafar's house

Marjan, Majid and the kids picked me up and we headed to Fafar's house, she lives about half an hour from the store, so we got there quickly. Once inside there were hugs and kisses, and congradulation for the new year. Majid felt completley at home, and having a few shots of Teqilla with Marjan and Fafar in the kitchen also helped. There also something very warm and affectionate about Fafar and her two sisters Mojgan, and Shahrzad, they are so pure and loving that they could make anyone wellcomed. we sat down at the appetizer table, and God they were heavenly, NONE BARBARRI and Lavash (special Persian breads served hot), with Panir and sabzi ( persian cheese and greens), Masto Mosir ( a cold yougurt dish mixed with garlic as a spread), Kashke Bademjoon( Mixure of cooked eggplant with herbs, and soured yougert, and wallnuts), I had not eaten anything all day, and had drank only tea and hot water to cleanse my system so I was hungry enough to eat a Horse.

We had a good conversation with Klause, Ray and Hossein, Fafar's two brother- in laws, then Fafar called me down stairs to the cellar, Mojgan, Fafar, Majid and Hossein were there smoking, and I joined in, it was Jokes and laughter galore, I tried to look for Klause and Fafar's S&M tools in the cellar, there were mostly coverd, but I think I saw some Latex Gloves, a leather whipp, and some Gagball and chains in the corner. A bit later dinner was served, and fafar had gonne all the way, it was a spread fit for kings, SabziPolo( fresh greens cooked with rice and Garlic), baked salmon, KOKO sabzi ( fresh greens, cooked with eggs, and batter mixed with walnutt and berries, almo0st like quishe), Two kinds of salads, and enough side dishes from Tourshi(soured vegtables and garlics) to Masto Khiar( yougert and cucumber served cold), the food was so tasty it gave you a bonner, and the women at the table were also in a state of extasy. Food can be so sexuall, and Fafar's spreads are famous for their aphrozadiac properties. then we had Chocholate Moose, Fruit tart, and rollette for desert with tea and coffee, between Marjan and Majid they devoured a whole chocholate Moose cake, and Majid had eaten so much he could not stand up, I saw him filling his dish at least three times. He is single and his every day meals are mostly health foods, like Oatmeals, flax seed, and soy milk, and chicken breast cooked in water, so this was heavenly for him.

Afterwards when most guests had left four of us, Marjan, Fafar, Majid, and I sat around the table , told off color jokes, and took pictures, Fafar would come up with all these AVANGUARD poses, and the result was hillarious, we laughed so much we cried. she is upposed to email me the picture and with Cyrus's help I would post them as thumnails for your delight. BY the time we left Fafar and Majid were planning a Roudevouz for a hot simmering Motel room escapade at one of Majid's air port Hobs. Majid has been so much fun and I am sure he would come back again, he did promise Fafar that he would. The pictures Fafar took will give you some idea about the state of our drnkenness and the fun we had. Thanks to Fafar, Mojgan, Shahrzad, and their delicious warm hospitality we had a night to remember, we are all going to get together next Saturday, I can not wait. Oh I also recieved a fabolous book about women's progress during Shah's regime, you see Fafar has a gorgeous mother, prettier than all her daughters, hot and sizzling like a hot Tamalie, she was one of the first Commercial Pilots, and Paratroopers in Iran, and there were pictures of her in the book, the book was dedicated to Fafar's mom, and she gave me a copy which I will treasure>( I was so drunk I left the book at Fafar's house), Life is good

Posted by Idinraha at 10:16 AM | Comments (0)

March 20, 2005

happy Norouz

Happy Norouz every body, hope you have the best of everything you desire, for you and your family. Well, we went to the party last night, and boggied the night away, My cousin Majid has been our guest since Friday, he is a 37 years old, very Handsome Commercial Pilot actively looking to find himself a wife. He has been a good compony for me and Marjan, the food was good, Majid ate so much, he could not walk, the rest of my family were also there, and boy o boy we danced, I tell yuou nothing like dancing gets my MOJO going. Before we left the house I made Majid and myself two long drinks of GRAY GOOSE, vodka and cranberry juice, and it definitely hit the spot. Marjan not wanting the extra callorie opted for a shot of vodka sec.

So by the time I picked up my mama, I was feeling no pain, and as she moaned and groaned that I was late, I joked and smilled.
whenever somebody asked who majid was and what was his proffesion, we said very seriously that he was a producer and an actor involved in Gay Porn industry, and Majid worked it out by telling them how he gets double working with animals, and then asked discrfeetly if they knew of any young girl he could get to know and marry. You should have seen the look on their faces. Kids were happy recieving the cash gifts and every where you could see them counting their fresh bills.

I danced with Marjan and Maryam, both are great dancers, and by the time I stopped my shirt, tie, suit, even my underpants were wet and sweatty. It was fun, fun, fun. tonight we are going to dinner over Fafar's house, she has not left me any memos lately so I will be taunting her.

Metal is back, long time no hear MeTal, I hope you are settled and we see more of you in our pages, she has complained that i have not been posting anything, come on girl I have been writing every day, unless there is something wrong with your computer, you have a lot to read to catch up, I will be sending her the rough draft of the first paragraph of the bo0ok, but she might not even know what i am talking about if she has not read the pages. Nice to have you back. Fereydoon has leftus a piece he has written, as a comment, it is nicely writte, I recomend you reading it. If he sends it to me as a file I will be delighted to post it as his Rant.

I have posted a poem on Poets.com called the hours, I am very fond of it and will post it here soon.
so life goes on, and I keep keeping on,

Posted by Idinraha at 12:27 PM | Comments (1)

March 19, 2005

Reporting from the cemetery,..............

Last night they informed us that there would be a barriual and a ceremony for Dawood at a church in Ridgefiel, where he lived, This morning I suited up and with my father went to the church, it was nice to see the family and collegues, the mood was somber, but somehow it escaped me, I was not sad, or maybe I was trying to protect myself, I don't know, his wife was there and soon they brought in a caskette with him supposedly in it. It was nice being in a church, amongst lots of familiar faces, The chaplin had a short sermon, then his step daughter and nephew said a few words, we all sang Amazing Grace, and the chaplin told us we should not accet death, but pray to the God of living to keep Dawood in his grace. more than anything I kept having his face in my mind, smiling, jocking , peacefull, and i was observing, in a way that was my way to keep myself protected. Before we go inside, there was a bunch of gathering together in a corner, and we were all about the same age, so I asked" has every one taken their daily ASPIRIN today?", to which everybody laughed, and my cousin said" you guys better take good care of yourself ", and then he said," although Dawood used to take very good care of himself anf it did not buy him any more time.", well, the way I see it when your number is up...... there is nothing you can do. We also had a Moslem chaplin say prayers, and then we all stood up and prayed together for him, that's when I cried a little. My father was reluctant to go to the cemetery, I joked with him telling him, I am curious, I might find a piece of dirt land there that I might like to buy for my eternal rest. We ended up in the cemetery, the weather was good, there was the garve and they brought the caskette with him supposedly in it. and I thought to myself, it is so good that he is in a caskette, he would be alone, but at least not cold. I remember when I was five or six, I used to worry about the shoes that were left in the foyer at night, so before I went to sleep I used to sneak out and cover them with a cloth or a towel. while they were burring him, after I said a prayer, I asked Dawood to come to me in a dream, I have a lot to ask him, and I know he will.

last night after the kids fell sleep, while I was laying down between them, the first paragraph of the book came to me, so I went down stairs, wrote it as an Email, and sent it to Cyrus. You know you have to be patient with these things, you have to keep them in the back of your mind, while you go about your every day living, you let them simmer, and then they take their own shape and they come to you.
specially the first paragraph, you can not sit at your laptop and just write it, it takes time. This morning at the office, I had an email from Cyrus, he said it was interesting, and he had corrected the spelling and the grammer. I think he is a good fit for me as a collaborator, he writes mannuals and marketing forms for living, so he is good with formal structured writing, anf he usually does not have too many comments on the creative parts, yes I think it would be a good fit.

I do not think I have been myself for the last few days, I do not know why I am behaving the way I do, I feel very much detached, mostly observing rather than living my life, but I will be okay, we are going to the Norouz celebration tonight, it should be fun, seeing family and friends under a happier circumstances, eating good food, drinking a bit, and dancing, yeh, I will be dancing, and have good fun for me and maybe some for Dawood.

Posted by Idinraha at 04:55 PM | Comments (0)

March 18, 2005

something funny happened on the way,......

We are funny people , all of us, full of oddities and hang ups, --There was uproar amongst us for the torturing prisoners of war in Abougharib, same people that happily seesaw the necks of our soldiers, and show it on Algezira, and then we get to remove feeding tubes from a woman that is not in state of vegitation, allowing her to die of hunger. We have a husband that kills his wife while she carries his own child, and then cut them to pieces and throw them in the river. we have a narsissuist black man, looking like a white woman, looking like an enigma on trial for mollesting children and we all know he will be aqquitted, and then another actor who murderd his wife gets aqquitted by spending over ten million dollars. We havw federal Judges that legistlate laws from the bench, and legistrators that sit on their hands watching. We have not build a reffinery in this country for the last thirty years, and still complain why we depend on foreign oil. we get to mutilate and kill full grown babies while in their mothers woumbs by sucking their brains first and then cutting them to pieces. there are condoms on shelves of every grocery stores, we have pills, and devices against conception up to Wazzo, and still fighting for abortions, nobody is responsible for anything, Ciggarette componies are sued over our choices and habits, Gun manufatures, and even food componies, are thretened by law suites, because we can not control ourselves.

It's funny Jean Paul Sarter, says, as human beings we are responsible not for only ourselves but also each other, if any one suffers we all are blamed, but the Democrats say nobody is responsible for anything they do. We even Parse words under oath, trying to define the meaning of IS. Courts are crowded by Judges that are so leniant, that they incourage breaking laws, and Parolees who go on killing sprees when they are out. A High society Rich girl, shows her latest well earned skill on Felatio, and moans and growns while being fucked, and we all watch it on internet, pay for the privilage and she earns such reputation that merrits having her own show on TV. Hemosexualls not happy enough by being accepted in society, get to define the meaning of MARRIAGE, and Liberal Judges allow them to wed. Pornography is a hundred billion industry, protected under the law by the first amandment, and yet we get questioned if we use the word God in our prayes, and can not display the TEN COMMENDMENTS in public. The Supreme Court allows our enemies the same rights in our soil that we have, all in the name of Liberty and freedom. I do not know, where we are going but the largest Democracy on earth, is being cut to pieces from inside, a society that loses it's values will fall, happened to Grteeks, and Romans, God(we could still mention her/him on internet) saves us all. I never got to ask Dawood about all this, and now it's too late, but he probably knows a lot more than rest of us by now.

Posted by Idinraha at 05:54 PM | Comments (2)

Tribiute

"Dawood is dead",My brother Hossein barked over the phone. I was on my way home, to pick the kids up, to go shopping for Nourouz clothing,
I had actually left the store earlier, and was close to home, I was not ready for this, the weather was nice, the afternoon calm, and I was full of anticipation of picking up my beauties and spend a few hours shopping, and then having a dinner out.

Death is so heavy in it's finality. so severe, I thought why did I return Hossein's call, I almost never carry my cell phone with me, I do not like to be contacted when I am out. Dawood, ..... he was maybe two years older then me, also involved in this god damn besiness we all are, of retailing. I thought probably the stress of the last few years got to him, and took him away. Compare to Death Shingles is easy, he was such affable, nice guy, very low key, kinda quiet, he was tall and maybe a bit hefty , like the rest of us Fourty somethings, and his face was an exact replica of our first president, BANI SADR, and I just saw him at DARIUS's concert with his wife and another couple, the poor woman, they did not have any kids. He woke up that day, probably thinking about he business, when will it let up, he customers, he bills, took a shower, dressed up, felt a bit queezy, sat on he couch, and died. Just like that..... his wife found him still sitting there that afternoon.

We were roomate for a while, for a short while, when I first came here, we probably played a few hands of poker, joked, laughed, and then later on once in a while, I used to see him while visiting my suppliers," HI", he would say with a simle, " how is business?", I guess he is free of all that now. You see we are, all of us Refugees that have settled here, trying to coupe with all that is different for us, to make a living, a family, we are the first generation. he was close to my Cousin Hossein, they used to have launch together every Wedenesday, Hossein told me today over the phone, but last tuesday when Hossein called him, he sounded distraught, and told Hossein, that he would not show up for the weekly launch, and complained of how bad the business is.

I am sure, now all of us, would be a bit more shaken and aware, it is so close now, probably all of us that knew him, would go see our Doctors, check the Ticker again, promise ourselves that we will lose those extra pounds, stop smoking for a while, and in a way we all are happy that it was him, not us, and then we wopuld feel guilty about it. and prety soon, we all go back to our rouines, and wait for our turns. Hey, I don't want to make you feel down but heck this is life, and that's what we write about here.

Well, I am so not used to shopping, I don't remember when was the last time I was in a shopping Mall, I usually by my gifts over the internet, and do the Nouroz shopping at down town Westport, over half an hour, I know where to go and have a clear idea what I want, but it does cost me a lot. So we went shopping, Amin was talking nonestop, Kiana was playfull aqnd Marjan kept a carefull eye over me
( I had told her about Dawood), Kiana got everything she wanted, Amin got enough, and best of all, Marjan found a few Fabolous pieces that are out of this world, I think that made me happiest, since the business have been quiet, I have not been able to lavish gifts to my beautifull wife the way she was used to. You know it is very important for a man, or maybe this man to be able to provide for his family, and I have not been able to do that as good as I expect myself to, so it was nice that they all got what they liked. We ended
the evening by having Dinner at our favorite waterhole, PLAZA DINNER, I was adventoures, and ordered, Corned beef and Cabagge, and had the worst dinner of my life, I guess it serves me right.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:48 AM | Comments (2)

March 17, 2005

Notes To Myself..................by Hugh Prather

Bragging is a half-hidden, matter-of-fact rehersal
Of past accomplishments, which I usually slip into
the conversation under false pretenses--- as apposed
to the exited sharing of some recent recognition or
achivement with a friend. But even with friends, I
notice that it's kinder to be very intiutive as to
whether the news will be happily recieved, BEFORE
I say it.

Posted by Idinraha at 12:45 PM | Comments (4)

Of Kings and women, and narcissusim

They say you might be able to make two kings share a kingdom, but you can never have two women share a house. A few weeks ago I picked up Kiana from her Dance class, when we got home, Marjan and Amin were not home yet, so we drove in the garage, and walked in the house, she was following me, I was half way through the kitchen when I heared her say" Only two of us home, I wish it was always like this", I turned around and saw her with her back against the door, leaning a bit to the side, hair hair on her face, looking at me. I was shocked, and laughed loudly. Well my Kiana has always made sure her presence was felt, when she was five, one night before she falls sleep she said" Daddy, when I grow up, why don't you divorce Mommy, and marry me". when I told Marjan about that, she said underbreath" that little......", anyway, now this has become a problem, the minute I am home, she runs to me with hugs and kisses, then she does not leave me untill she falls sleep. When we sit to dinner, Marjan and I, we like to be alone together, so we can talk, at least half an hour to fourty five minutes. But Kiana would not have any of it, she comes and sit on my lap, helps herself from my plate, and asks so many questions, which aggrivates Marjan. We tell her we like to be alone, so she leaves, but only for a few minutes, then she is back, with a sad face "I wanna get something from the refrigrator", she says, or "aren't you guys done", she makes sure she does not leave us alone for even a minute. Not long ago, I was laying down on my belly in Amin's room, Marjan was cleaning Amin's closet, and we were talking, Kiana walked in, and laid on my back hoding my sides, and said"Daddy you are so BIG, WARM, And Comfy", to which Marjan replied, "Well, Kiana when you grow up why don't you marry a big, warm, and comfy guy", without missing a beat, Kiana replied," no, I will get a couch". The girl is sharp.

I always wanted to have a daughter, specially after Amin's birth, I would have really prefered to have a daughter, and not another son, I always thought raising a daughter would be such pleasure, and beautiful experience. After kIANA, I would love to have ten daughters if I could, but Marjan is not cooperating, so no chance of that. I think every man should have at least one daughter, it would give us much different view of the world, and such and amazing way of recieving unconditional Love. I also think, and believe, a girl's relationship with her father would have such a big influence on her life, and her relationships with the men in her life. I have seen that by observing many young women in my family and friends. of course the same can be said about Boys and their mothers, I personally did not have a very close relationship with my mother, there were five of us, and my poor mom had enough to do to take care of her brood. This resulted in many unsuccessful relationships with women in my youth, and my tendency to leave them before they left me. After marrying Marjan, I bacame closer to my Mom, and living with Marjan has given me a different view of how to relate to women.

Got to tell you this too, you might laugh but it is true, since i remember, I always though that I was an object of desire for every woman even as a kid, young or old, (stop laughing), and in my youth, even now I do not think that there would be a woman in reasonable circumstances that could resist me, I know , I know, I am an average looking guy, heck, even a bit frumpy these days. But with women, is not how you look, but how you make them feel when they are with you, and THAT I CAN DO, when I focus on any women, I could make her feel like a star,
I know how to listen to them, and be as understated as possible.(stop laughing now Cyrus). I also know how to talk in women's language, it's not that I turn that on, but I do mostly talk in women's toungues. and believe me the process is most of the fun, and refusal also makes it better. Oh I said too much, and Marjan knows I am all talk, Don't you love ?. Of course having a beauty like Majan as your companion and wife makes it even easier, they all wonder what does he have that such gorgeous woman stays with him.
Well, Narcissusim, definitely,......but it's mostly due to lack of qualified competitions. I also know how to dance, give me a dance floor and good music and I can show you moves, and women always like a man who knows how to move.

Sometimes I even wonder if my foray to poetry and writing has been because of my obsession with women, I don't know. you see they are guys like me who only talk about it, and then there is FEREYDOON, who actually lives it, he is the gigolo, I am harmless.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:43 AM | Comments (6)

March 16, 2005

Words of wisdom,....................by Idinraha

If you don't like my peaches, Don't you shake my tree !

Posted by Idinraha at 05:55 PM | Comments (0)

How old really are you?

Anthony, my friend and old trainer, called me yesterday," we are trying a new program, and we need a valountear in your age group, can you come over?" , he asked, I said "sure, be there in ten minutes". Once there Rob, took me to the office and got my information, weight, height, age........., and then he got my pulse rate, and noted it all down on a form, then he asked me to perform three different excersize. STEP UP, AND DOWN, for five minutes, which I did, he again took my pulse, wrote it down. Then her brought a mat and asked me to do as many SIT UPS I could do in one minute. I did Sixty one, the next excersize was for felxibility. I sat down on the mat with my feet stretched, I had to lay down , then come up trying the reah my feet as far as I could for three times, and then there were push ups, as many as I could do in one minute, I did twenty. He then put all the information in the computer and came up with how old my body really is,..........lets start with good news, I am as strong as a thirty five years old man, not bad ey, the flexibility of a thirty six years old man, but the over all age of my body is of a fifty eight years old man. I did not know to kiss Rob, or hit him, but the problem is my weight and body fat ratio,
I started at 33 percent two years ago, dropped it to 17, but now it has crept up to 25%. That's enough to make a grown man cry. Well I do exercise almost every day. but I have been eating too much, it always happens when the business goes down my weight goes up. last night I saw Hootan also, he had better news though, my Colestrol is at 152, and triglecyryn, is lower than normal, and Blood pressure, 120/80. So Hootan was happy, Marjan was not, do not know why but he has gotten used to me being arould and likes to keep me for now. So I am back on being a good boy again. Anthony will do the same test on me in four weeks, so I will be spensing more time, at the Gym, and less time at the refrigerator. and I am planning to report to you
about my weekly progress.

yesterday I got fabolous review from Marjan about the poem I posted yesterday. OUT OF SYNCH,..... she liked it, it is very nice for me that she reads these pages, in a way it has brought us even closer to each other, the other night at my mother's house while I was talking, I found her eyes looking at me, with love and admiration, and it stopped me in my tracks, knowing how lucky I am. Maryam, LiL sis has left some comments, giving us a new theory about the poor man's death, but I like my version better. Fereydoon sent me a beautiful picture which I posted, she has haunting eyes, and covers the promise of a beautifull face under the cover. I recieved another comment through my mom by a long forgotten relative, she had seen the picture of me, and my family on CYCHO.net, the only comment she had made was about my heft, nothing about my beautiful wife and kids, well, some people never change. Cyrus, has left us some wise comments,MeTal is still in process of moving and AWOL. Fafar is probably busy with NOUROZ, and the preparations for it. so how would you guys like to tell us about your vital sign, How old do you think your bodys are?,it is a good question, and merrits an answer.

Posted by Idinraha at 12:45 PM | Comments (3)

March 15, 2005

Woman

Fereydoon wrote you posted many women on your site, and this is
another kind of woman

Posted by Idinraha at 05:30 PM | Comments (2)

Out of Synch, looking for harmony as I purge

like breaking layers of skins, tearing me in bolts of lights, and talkng me, like taking pieces of bones, with long fingers, sleek tongue around them, lapping the hard surface, oh, the possibilities of living, where do you take me, so unexpectedly, an invitaion, coaxing me, I am tame, I am hungry, living on the frinches of sin, as my eyes burn, and the images like havoc, brusing the air in twists and turns, and my winter blood hardening in kisses of ice, and the stillness of time, filling with metalic particles that move and join and croad, such closer, my winter blood, scented and eroded, corrupted and closed, so near to perceptions of death, and such joy in its seclusion. Lets, lets break these cells, lets condemn the natural gravity of theses laws, these perceptions, Brush my hair in open air, and hum softly in my ears, I am to be taken, I am to be ravished, handled, caressed, and cured, take my senses, take me, and lets come up with new Alphabets, new sounds, lets ignore legacies of time, tell me of bliss, tell me of pain, and then, open me like a book, a tale, for a begining, and an end. I have been consumed here, I have seen too much, listened to none, but taken by their voices, the requirements of cohabitions, the society of these customs that frame me, as I cower, trying to fit, in images and portraits, in moving pictures. as I bloom in roses, in reds, as I bloom in time, passings, gates and gatekeepers. take me to the depth of the lake, where water stands still flowing in depth of its being, accepting, as it hovers, and takes, woosh, Its the probibitly of existance, its the perception of life, as the particles hold not knowing the essense of their longing, their quest, Tell him to find me, discover me in in my papers where there was never any holds or chains, amonsgt the longings and the yearnings, amongst the wants, and desires, where I come to living in my dimensions, of my sight, my seeing, and acceptance of the offerings, theses blessed days, theses blessed times, this eluding desired "Now", that makes us define our days, in past and present, this collaboration of the Moon, sun, and the earth, this living, this life, how can I allow its passing and how can I not, I could challange its dominance, and close my eyes, my ears, and yet miss it for all it is, all it will be, and yet the ambitions that burn in me eternally to be of significance, to be a part of all the living things as limited as I have come to be. so we walk in circles, and circles end where they began, or circles never end, for there is no direction but to extend, and continue, and this sober joy that finds me in sounds, and imges in pereceptions of my sense, pouring inside me, sipping in, in streams and rivers, in dripps, and fills me to laughters and tears, expressions of the bolting energy that flows me out, so I could extend my arms and hold all these beings in my arms, my hands, and fingers, so I can yelp, and bellow so high it would reach the gods in their heavens, so I can chew in my mouth with my teeth, all the earth, moon and the sun, my hunger , my thirst, defines me, find me still waters so I can see the reflections of my demons in my charms, and smiles. Light a torch, hold my hand and walk with me, time would be patient, earth will be kind, and gods would await us where we thread.

Posted by Idinraha at 02:46 PM | Comments (0)

Notes to Myself......................By Hugh Prather

Before, I thought I was actually fighting for my own self-worth;
That is why I so desperately wanted people to like me. I thought
their liking me was a comment on me, but it was a comment on them.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:42 AM | Comments (0)

Peanuts, Lions, and winter

One of my clients came in this morning, she had purchased a few Antique rugs from me, and I knew that her father was sick. She came in and told me her father had passed away, but she had to thank me for giving him some of the last pleasures in his life. I was confused, then she explained. You see the day they purchsed their rugs, I had just bought a big Jar of Peanuts from next door, and offered them some, they liked the taste so I forced them to take the whole thing. It seems they enjoyed it so much, she bought her father a new Jar, since she was aware of her father's love for Peanuts. Any way her father got to eat a few of them every day, and told her there were the best he ever had, the jar was all finished a day before he passed away. So she was kind enough to come back to me and thank me for sharing my Peanuts

Well the tempreture here is around 45 F, so the spring seems to be around the corner, and our new years eve, is on Saturday March,19th,
we are going to the party that is held by the Iranian Community here.
Every year, right before the NOUROZ(our new years eve), I go out by myself, and By new clothing for my kids, and as extreme as I am in every thing I do go over board, specially for Kiana. This year the kids asked if we could go shopping together , so Thursday, four of us will go shopping, it should be fun. It is a custom for us to get new clothing for Nourouz, I remember, a few month befor Nouroz, My mother would take us to the Bazar,where we would choose Fabrics, and then we go to the Family Taylor, and he would make the three of us, me and my brothers new siuts. we had to go back to him a few times to try out the suits at different parts of their making, and then on the night before Nouroz, My father would come home, with our new suits. and we wear them when we went to visit the familly. During NOUROZ Kids would get twelve days of vacation, and our parents would take us to see all our family, one by one, and then they would come to visit at our house. There was a custom( it still is), that the kids would get EIDEE, which was cash gifts, from aunts and uncles, and grandparents, and we could spend them on going to Movies, and parks, and buying snacks. at the moment when the year changed we would all get together around HAFT SEENS, customery set of seven difinite things that started with S, like Sonbol flowers,(jasmines), SiB(apples), Samano( special thick sauce), Sekeh(coins), Senjed(special dry fruit) plus mirror, boiled colored eggs, and Gold Fish. My father would read Quran, and we try to behave listening to him, and then the radio or later on the TV would announce the changing of the year, we hug and kiss, and congradulate each other, since the three of us brothers were always fighting, usually we had to make peace reluctantly. and then we were off to see the Grandparents first. the promise of family gatherings and new clothes, and the Eidee was so joyes to all of us. Those were very special days.

Lion in the Winter, was a play that first went on stage in London, and then had a Broadway run, they made it to a Movie, with PETER O'TOOLE, playing Henry, and KATE HEPBURN, playing Elenore. It's a fantastic movie, that brought Mrs, Hepburn her third Oscar, and got great reviews. The story of Henry, and old King at Fourty Five, trying to find a succesor amongst his sons, and Elenore her Queen who was exiled to The Tower of London, only allowed to pay yearly visits, and their sons. The acting is better than you can imagine, and the Dialouges, specially in the scenes between Henry and Elenore are fantastick, I higly recomend renting and watching it. It did hit close to me since some times ago Three of us brothers were partners with our dad, and the manovering of each of the Princes in the movie
for power, seemed so real.

Posted by Idinraha at 10:44 AM | Comments (2)

March 14, 2005

Notes to Myself........................by Hugh Prather

If we do not exist as real people, if we are not
deeply ourselves, then our relationship can not be real.

Posted by Idinraha at 02:14 PM | Comments (0)

Grandkids

Standing left to right, Arman, Baback
Sitting left to right, Hana, Ahmad, Amin, Sogand holding Sania, and Kiana

Posted by Idinraha at 01:53 PM | Comments (6)

DOES IT REALLY MATTER

" Does it matter if nobody reads your pages?", Marjan asked, "will you stop writing?" she continued, " Could you stop writing?". Hmmm,
Good questions, I thought. nah, it really does not matter, I write because that all I know how to do, its like breathing to me. i enjoy the process, it fills me and satisfies me. "well, it's good to get feed back you know", I answered. " it's like a dialogue, back and forth, it help." I said. " Okay, I can see that it could help", Marjan said, " why aren't you posting more poetries?, the site is kinda empty without hem", she continued. It was surprising to hear that from Marjan, but she always kinows better, she has cool sensible head on her shoulders, and nobody knows me the way she does.

so this morning, under advise of Marjan, I posted a few poems, I guess I got the feed back that I was looking for, and from a very notable source, funny she just called me while I was writing this and had many nice compliments about the poems. Hah, I guess as Shoe less Joe, said in Field of Dreams, YOU BUILD IT AND THEY WILL COME.
I also got a new picture of all the Grand kids, I will post it.

last night we were over my mother's house for Dinner, it was a rare occasion since most of us were there, wih our kids in tow. It is curious that our byweekly gathering has become more intimate in the last two sessions. For one thing I avtually stay after nine O'clock, and after dinner we wont get spread, we all stay at the dinner table and talk. Every family has its own chemistry and mechanics of realationships, ours have been a dificult one, since we all were partners and worked together. It's been almost eleven years since we seprated, but it has been a rocky road for all of us in getting back together and trusting in each other. However I feel we are getting closer. I know since maryam logs in here, our relationship has evolved to be more intimate and loving. we are learning about each other. and I see the same process with Hossein. I am sure some of it is because I am more accepting and wellcoming than I used to be,( I could be quiet a snobb sometimes). i also think since our kids have grown up and can relate to each other on a different level, we are learning to do the same. However it does not matter why, what matters is that we seem to be going dwon, or up the same road, and we have learned to enjoy and appriciate our times together. My mom served a delicious dinner of KHORESHTE KARAFS (stew of celery, other vegetables and meat) with Safferon Rice, and Zereshk polo( rice, safferon, and berries), with baked chicken. After dinner, she served some aged, ice cream on the stick, which got me lots of off colour comments while I was eating one, and Oreo cookies with tea of course.
Thanks to Hossein and maryam, they both have involved the kids in playing cards and backgammon, which even brings my Amin out of his shell, as he plays with the rest of the kids also. As usuall the jokes were as off color as possible, (making Soosan, and Mojgan, the new commers in the family blush and giggle) and the laughters were heartfelt and loud. we were all happy to be there.

Posted by Idinraha at 01:27 PM | Comments (3)

Damn News Channels/ Things we are not supposed to see/ Ode to Paxil

The images creeping in our Psyche
Quietly gnashing on the Family pictures
Of the last Picnic, leaving their Larvas
nested in abbundance, as the host membrains
Beg for Paxil helpless

Two planes, Majestic as they are
In slow motions, ripping the sky
Cut the Two Towers in mayham, blood
Boddies thrown in air, splat against
The ground in hushed thud, a priest
Standing by the sites, gives last rights
To Firemen venturing inside, like a movie
-Full of Special Effects, Fire, debries,
steel melting, sirens, dusts rising up, way up
Three thousands souls, perished, called up,
Holding to their bones, flesh, insides,
-All day , on all channels, they count,
"The latest casualties number......"

The flash of the blade
As it cuts cold, the skin
Red, catching, seesawing
An artery, the bald man,
held down like a sheep
that Moslem kill in
The name of God, chanting
--Allahu Akbar, muffling
The noise of his voice box
As it's crushed

The left over
Of a child wih large
Sunken eyes, skin and bones
splayed over Sahara Africa,
as a voulture stands by
patiently with respect,
While the Photographer,
Licks his lip little,
And takes the shot.

The naked girl,
Running slanted,
Arms open, as the
Oranges of the
last Napalm
Severes the sky

The young man
Standing with hands
Tied behind his back
His faced creased in horror
While another man with similar
Features, stands arms stretched
Holding a Pistol against the side
of his head, you could almost hear
The click, the shot.....

High school Cafeteria
At launch, hushed cold,
Bodies of our sons, daughters
splayed down faces frozen in
Disblief, bullets holes on the walls,
mowed down, by adolesence angst
Of Kids that live in empty houses
between shadows, and silence.
The latest exploitation
For a mutant named Michael Moore

And waves that hover
Over thew beach, taller
Than high rise buildings
CLICK, CLICK, CLICK

Posted by Idinraha at 12:52 PM | Comments (0)

Oh Please, Ode to Patriot Act

He sits behind his desk,
With his eyes open to his reality,
A face crafted by photo shop,
So we can FEEL HIS PAIN,
Writing about the Patriot Act,
And how it offends his Civil Liberties.

He is an Ideologue,
So, so very Idealistic, and
Where he roams, reality is only
A word, very much neglected,
delibrately ignored, and
Amongst his Elite collegues,
He lives in a different world,
Where being American is a crime, and
Everything that plagues this earth is
-Yes , is America's fault.

He is a self hating Liberal,
all egoes, being fed by his righteous
Superiority, he is better han you and I
He knows better than Us, and likes to
Makes us livethe life he invisions,
-Watching CNN, celebrating Micheal Moore
And voting for Kerry, voting for Gore

Posted by Idinraha at 12:39 PM | Comments (0)

Muse, and Metal

She awakes in me, every day,
sipping out, she gets up,
standing in the mirror,
She combs her hair black,
As she stares calm

Sweet demon,
Awhward, the way she
Looks, Girl peasant
High cheeck bones,
Eyes of black
Under thick brows,
Boned nose, leading
To abondant lips
Of supple red moist,
She carries all the effections
Of a hesitating God,
Fierce in his strokes,
gentle in his intentions,
Generous in its subtleties,
With beauty in mind.

I can chisel stones,
And finf where it bends,
Cracks, and bemoans,
I can carve pieces of wood,
trespassing paints on canvas,
And have tried to redeem what
stands between her eyes and the mirror,
But I lose her as I focus,.......

She crawls inside me,
every pores and cavities,
She tilts my head, walks my legs,
Smiles with my mouth,
And chews fierce, aching my teeth,
She holds pens in my hands,
Words in my head, daringly
Shameless, writes to her delight.

And every night
She lays in me, coffin like,
Whispers, prays, argues, and chimes,
Denying her heresy of the creator, and the muse

Posted by Idinraha at 12:16 PM | Comments (0)

March 13, 2005

A Month By The Lake

I just watched, A Month By The Lake, a John Irving movie, in the traddition, of Merchant-Ivory movies, I caught it on the TV, and found myself wanting to sit down and watch it entirely. I had seen it before, but I could watch it again with delight. It is a story of an older Lady, (Vanessa Redgrave), spending a summer vacation in Italy by Lake Coumo. The sceenery is breath taking, the story is simply delicious, and for a time it wood take you away, to a different Place, and time. Italy 1937, when Euroupe was still calm, and the war had not started. I enjoyed it immensely, and highly recommend it.

In a way it transported me to when I was a kid, and my parents used to take us to my Aunt's house in Karaj. She was married to the Mayor of Karaj, and they had a beautiful large house, and a huge Fruit Garden. We had to take the Taxi to Karaj, and then we would take a Hosre carraige, to My Aunt's house. The house was beautiful, walking in we would be greeted by My Aunt, kisses and hugs, and then we would be directed to the main parlor, where everything was beautifully decrated. guilded French furnitures with petty point covers, set on beautifull rugs, different dishes of Fruits, and sweets, set all over, and the beautifull Lion with a large majestic head and goden brown fur, like a large stuffed animal, somewhere either on a sofa, or an stool comes to my mind. The house was so large, and with the windows open the air flowed in, cool, and full of scents of wild flowers and fruits. and then my Aunt's husband would come in, tall and handsome, and their kids one by one, we kissed and huged and then sat to talk. After launch, when the adult took a nap, we would flee to the garden, where we would play, and go for walks, we would get lost and try to find our way back. We would climb the trees, eat fresh fruits off the vine, mess up our party clothe, run after the chickens, and sheeps they kept, and try to catch the ducks, and the geeze. There was such calmness running amongst the trees ,the air, the branches, evrything was so different from our city living, so fresh, and living. By the late afternoon, MY Aunt's husband would take us back to the main circle of the town, and we catch special taxis that went straight to Tehran. Ridding in Horse Carriges was specially fun, looking out at the hills and valleys, while my dad would sing us a very special song that was about ridding carriges. DORSHKE CHI, TOND BORO TOND, SAE CHAR RA
KOND BORO KOND, MIKHAM BARAT ZAN BEGIRAM...................

Doing things that we usually don't do, being introduced to new sceneries, different prsentations of Nature, trees, flowers, and fruits. finding those fleeting moments, when the world is at peace, and everything is allright,if not in the world, at least in the reality that we can precieve within ourselves, a vacation.

Posted by Idinraha at 03:50 PM | Comments (0)

Notes to myself...................by Hugh Prather

I don't feel " I want.", I feel " I lack."
I decide " I want."

Posted by Idinraha at 03:48 PM | Comments (1)

Painfully dedicated to you

Okay, It can not be all fun and game, I am in PAIN, its like they put
needles under you skin, and push further, and its none stop, right there, the rash has dried up, but the scabs are hard, and any movement brings pain. I am sure it serves me right, and if from all the agonies that goes on in this world this is my share, I will take it with a smile. But could not resist getting some sympathy from you guys, Ahhhhhhh, poor babay.

Marjan slept all day and night yesterday. she has had this cold for a week, but she tried to ingore it, every morning she would take two ADVILS, go run for three miles, and then pumps Iron at the Gym. I mean Daaaa, give it a break women, so her body revolted against her and shot everything down, to get some rest. Akram picked up the kids, so Marjan could have some peace and quiet. I had dinner over Akram's house. kamaran and Miraneh were AWOL, Amir, Julie and Hootan were there. And what Can I say about the dinner, Akram is on the verge of becoming the best cook I know. We had salmon baked in swwet, and sour sauce, with Sabzi Polo (herbed rice cooked to perfection), TADIG, (the crunchy buttom of the rice), Zereshk polo(rice, safarron, and berries) with baked Chicken, and Yougurt cucumber salad, plus Shrazi salad. Oh, we were all moaning and groaning while feasting on those delicious foods. It was lucky I was not sitting next to Hootan, it could become sexuall.

David, the first grandson of the family who towers around 6'3", at age fifteen, and has the face so handsome, that would probably would make him a legend in our family and quite a CHICK magnet, got the address to the site and will visit. Hootan, the only man that has seen me naked in every pose. and has touched me curiosly every where, the only man that has told me to bent down, standing with his index finger up, my friend, and physician also asked for the site, and might visit. so there will be a Doctor in the house. I hope they leave comments so we can all have a chance to get them involved in our dialouge.

We are special, every one of us, unique, and the only one created in our image. we see so much, and live our lives, sometimes not knowing the wonder that exist within each one of us. so lets celebrate ourselves, lets be kind to ourselves. lets tell ourselves every morning, "you are special, You are good, and unique, and you have so much", lets smile more, lets be happier, lets hug more, don't let go when the beloved is in your arms, Kiss longer, touch more. be more generous with our complimants, and less biting with our critisizm.
lest live in prsent, this ever passing "NOW". God knows each one of us has so much to give, so lets live.

Cyrus sent me an email, about wrting the book, we will discuss it more, and will have a special catagory and place for it. How do I get myself into these things, I have said it, and no0w I have to write it. But let me know what you think about the idea of the book,
any suggestions are welcommed, please..........Spring is around the corner. we are invited to Amir and Julie's house for CHAHAR SHANBEH SORI, Thanks to Amir's dedication to our national customs and celebrations, and Jullie's effort, we have a yearly date at their house on the last Tuesday night every year, and we have been able to get our kids closer to who wer are and where we come from. We will have a nice dinner, and at the end of eveining, every one, old and young, get to jump over the fire, and give away all the the Yellow maladies of the last year for the reads of the life affirming fires.

Posted by Idinraha at 12:13 PM | Comments (0)

March 12, 2005

Notes to myself.......................by Hugh Prather

I must do these things in order to communicate:
Become aware of you(DISCOVER YOU), make you aware of me(UNCOVER MYSELF). Be ready to change during our conversation. And be willing
to reveal my changes to you.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:34 AM | Comments (1)

Watch out, BALLS are coming

Well, Another snowy day in land of Oz, one more week to the spring and it still does not let up. I dont think this spring and summer anybody on Eat Coast will wear WHITE. White has become aggravating.
My beautifull wife is sick, she got a Sore throat, and fever. And she is stuck at home with our two monsters. I slept late today, I think that Viral whatever is still in me, The rash is getting better, and when I checked my beautifull plump body this morning, there are no more coming out.

Cyrus is getting better he actually showed us his balls, The size of them surprized me a bit, but the fact that he still has them, after thirty years of marriage is refreshing (Marjan keeps mine). Fafar, my S&M NYMPH, has written a letter of support, and selflessly has offered, Klauses's Balls, I guess thats normal with Iranian women. Thanks Fafar, you BALL BUSTER you. Marjan who usually gives me her comments in person, was a bit confused if I would only be writing the book on the site. I explained that, no, wrting the book would be an additional feature, and I will probably ask, MY technical main man,CYRUS THE GREAT(KHAYEH MALI) to help me find a section for it. She was happy to hear that, since my daily Rant has become a good daily conversation piece between her and Fafar.

Fereydoon and Cyrus had some encouraging comments for Maryam, Like she needs encouragement. I have personally asked Maryam not to send us Her Balls( she acually has a pair of her own, and we see her balls showing under her pants), since I am aware of their presence, and the size of them will not fit on this site. So I still need you to tell me about the Poetry, as I said there have been not many comments on those, and I wonder if you are reading them, if you were inclined, start with simpler ones, and ask questions, I will be delighted to answer. I know Cyrus and Fereydoon and Metal read them, since they have left comments, but the rest of you illeterate bunch should try them. There is also the Matter of Father Homer Bent, and a rant he wrote us this week, should we accept more comments from him, read his rant and let me know.

Another request I have is If you find people in your lives that might be interested in this site, give them the adress, remember we are much more tolerant of Women than men, also ask them to leave comments too, for every new friends here, I will send you a picture of Maryam's balls, heck, I would even send you a picture of Cyrus'balls. Now I should go sell something so I can afford coming back here. see you in the movies...........

Posted by Idinraha at 10:26 AM | Comments (2)

March 11, 2005

Lets see some balls

well, as long as I can write,.... I have had this idea about wrting a novel. I actually wrote a chapter, and then lost track of it, I know Mehrnoosh has some of it, but I can not find my own copy, to some extent it's all Cyrus's fault, If he had persued me sooner to build this site......... well, It is a stroy about a writer, a married writer, who has had a huge Bestseller, in a book called MILTON and BERNARD, I am not sure about the names either, any way, his name is also Milton, the writer I mean, are you with me so far. Any way since that book was published, he has been in a rott, like a writer's block, and has not been able to write anything. His Problem is Bernard, the character in his last book, has become a ghost to him and does not leave him alone. Milton actually sees Bernard, talks to him, and hears him back. Bernard is not happy about what happened to him in the last book, and is trying to get Milton to somehow change everything. The balk of the book would be how these two characters deal with each other, how Milton lives his life, and deals with his demons, and also through their conversation, we get to know what the other book was all about. all the other characters come to view, and in a way this becomes the last BOOK, Confusing enough, at least is easier than Cyrus's puzzle. Anyway we get to know Milton, Bernard, their story, and the evryday living of Milton with his wife, and his friends. The idea has been amazingly charming to me( well beating my own drum). It allows me to bring many ghosts back, and deal with all the issues that haunt an evryday CONTEMPORARY MAN in his life. I was not happy with the direction of the first draft, it became a bit more scandalous that i wanted it to be. This time around I am going to keep it more simple, and do not thread outside of the boundries I will set. And I am thinking that maybe, I will share the whole process with you. This would force me to actually finish the book, since I will be watched by you guys, and it might be interesting for you to witness the whole process. you would get to make comments, and we will discuss it through these pages, I know Cyrus is scratching his head, saying to himself," what did I get myself into", but please bare with me, it will be a slow, but a nobel idea, worth the effort. So, come on, come on, dont be shy tell me what you think. You will get to see me sweat through these pages and I will be motivated to work harder on it. It would be a BIG adventure, and a big undertaking for me, I usually finish what I start, now I am getting apprehensive about this myself, but I get to write here anyway, and you guys are interested enough to show up, so we might as well WRITE A BOOK together. The main character will be definitely mostly based on ME, or will have some of my traits incorporated in him, but for the sake of my marriage, and sanity of my beautifull Marjan lets decide that I will take a lot of fictional Liberties with him. so, any volountiers, any suggestions, does it sound interesting to you. help me out here, remember at the begining of these pages, I promised you variety, and also promised to take your breath away with my flights of Fancy. so help me out. And of course we get Cyrus and Fereydoon to proof read, for my spellings and grammer. remember I am putting a lot on the table, show some Balls, (not you Maryam, we are aware of your balls), the rest of you, are you with me ?

Posted by Idinraha at 04:42 PM | Comments (4)

after thouths

Okay,.... after my last rant, a sense of calm has taken over me, I do feel better for my confession. It was a soul searching experience, I recomend it to all of you. So, we got Maryam's rant, another point of view of a young women dealing with parenthood, and career, trying to juggle them and do the best in each, specially since SHE DOES WANT IT ALL, and she is convinced, that SHE DESERVE IT. More power to you Lil sis, and watch out, not stepping on your over sized balls. We have comments from Cyrus, my eternal MANCRUSH, Fereydoon has been in, and made a few comments, MeTal, is not a vagabond any more, she has mentioned that she has a place in OREGON, waiting for her, incidently, Cyrus,and Mahnaz used to live in Oregon, so if any information is needed I am sure Cyrus will be happy to supply you with it. you can reach him at RemembersOregon@Cycho.net,

I like to ask you a question, does anyone read the poems at all, I know they look complicated, but they are not that bad, we almost get no comments on them, and that is hurting me. Yes this site was build to showcase poetry, but now we have more Rants posted than poems, so let me know. and we also had a surprising Rant from Father Homer Bent, Cyrus tells me that the name is a allias, but I posted it, it is interesting and somehow very dark. leave the poor guy some comments. I am still getting my tea with dinner, and Marjan and Kiana, are still on odds over Kiana's disturbing us at dinner. but thats whole another story. Today is Friday, and there is a double party this weekend, Saturday at Akram's house, and Suday over my Mom's house. Hopefully there would be enough happening to tell you about it next week.

Yesterday, I called Mary, Dr, Hootan's assistant, and told her that I have a rash on my butt shaped like a cresant, and wanted to see the doctor. she laughed, and told me to go in. Once there, I complained to her about my new DEPEND's dipers, and their effect on my porcelan skin. Hootan showed up smiling, ready to get me naked and look at my butt. I told him the rash was on my belly, but if he likes I would show him my butt, and he refused. Anyway, he checked it out, warned me about my Crusin in Gay bars, and told me its okay, something viral. I did feel a bit run down , so ne exercise yesterday for me, but I have to get in the gym today, teying to get slim for the new years party, this way Marjan might spend more time with me at the party, and introduce me again as her husband, not the Man who swallowed her husband.

Posted by Idinraha at 09:15 AM | Comments (2)

True confessions...............

well, it has come this, after a few ventures into Dark Clouds( thats what Churchil used to call it, he suffered from depressions", and three years of therapy, my Doctor has recomended me to go through this exercise, of confessing. He thinks it will do me good, and it does not matter if I am not Catholic, it still works, so hold on to your seats, I am opening up,- I can still see my father's face, all red, with anger and helplesness, not knowing how to solve my problem;
" Why do you do this Javad?", he asked, trying to keep his calm, and I looked at him, with my face, innocent, and serious," I just, like to see it, and touch it", I said. then he started banging his palm on his forehead, and said" if God wanted us to see it, it would have put it on our forehead", and then he left. This was the last of his many attempts to reason with me, I was only four.

You see contrary to what My Lil sis, has told you , I was the first Doctor in the family, and not of the PHD kind, a real anatomy doctor. and had worked as hard as her to get my title, and with no dictionaries around. You see my three years old cousin, which I wont name, had gotten angray with me, when I did not allow him to touch our latest victim, he could only watch, and only the Doctor, could touch to diagnnose the extent of the maladies. so he told on me. and pretty soon the gilr's mother and the other women in the family had democstrations in the main yard of my Grandfathers house, asking for my punishment, and exile, I could still hear them chanting, Hippy Hoo, Javad must go. Of course the men in the family were not told, since that would have been scandelous, but the pressure, made my mother to tell my dad, and ask him to talk to me. Incidently the whole episode had such a negative effect on my cousin, the Judas, that he became a man of God, and stayed virgin, untill he married. This was not my first offence.

Well, what brought this curiosity, and my obsession, with female genetalia, was my quick discovery, of my older brother, and another girl in the family showing theirs to each other behind a heap of old furniture in the attic, and the girl's refusal to allow me to touch it, since I was not as content with just watching it. I think that episode and rejection crushed my little soul to a point that I decided to take the matters in my own hand, set up my own office, and practice, and go even further , and get to touch it.

You see even as a kid, I saw more than I was supposed to, for example, My Grand Granfather's house had a round deep pool, and once a month, they used to empty the house of all the men, lock the garden doors, and all the women in the family young and old, would bathe nude in the pool, as Kids we were allowed to stay, and my mother would also bathe us in the pool, and while other kids were playing around, I used to watch, not the faces, but the limbs, and bossoms and thighs, as much as I could, and somehow, I knew I liked that, I liked it very much. So that was where my curiosity and obsession took hold, and never let go.

So I was called the Doctor, after a few of my adventures, and the adult knew that they had to watch for this one. and I was such a serious young lad, that they did not know how to deal with me, so for the longest time, whenever we went anywhere, the parents hid their young girls, and if all of us kids were sitting at the table, they made sure that my hands were set on the table. You see it is not easy for me to talk about this and I am obviously shaken, but the Doctor, told me, it would be good for me to confess, and I know I will be better for this.

Marjan came to me about a year ago, and told me that she had something to tell me, but I should not get angry, and then slowly she told me, how one of the kids in the family has asked Kiana, that age old question," I will show you mine, if you show me yours,", I started laughing. She was surprised, when I told her that it was normal, instigated by curiosity, and the fact that the poor kid was brought up with two brothers, and no sisters in their household. Marjan talked to the young ladd, and he stopped.

Well I think such experiences has made me a better person, mcuh more sensetive, and appricitative of female anatomy, and there is no wonder I am the way I am, we all are products of our upbringing, and our childhood experiences do effect our lives. i feel better already sharing this with you, and I hope you appriciate the depth of my purge. and now that i have shown you mine, will you.................

Posted by Idinraha at 08:14 AM | Comments (2)

March 10, 2005

A rant By father Homer Bent

Such blasphemy, Jesus Christ, Mary and Joseph, God, Lord, forgive these pagans, I could not sleep last night, holding my rosary, and crying to God to save your demented souls. One rants about Fantasizing with other women, and she is not even a nun. Have some decency, homosexuality, is only proper in Gods house, with younger boys, what is this MANCRUSH, rubbish you preach. Homosexuality is only proper when taught by the right experienced teachers, and after enough seduction, as a way of charity, not passion or desires. A boy should not be told to go and polish his armor by himself, but taught how to do it properly, you disgust me, your blog disgusts me. You want to know about sisterhood loving, I will ask Sister Margaret to write you a rant, but for gods sake don't lead the sheep without the shepherd, now I go pray more for your souls.

Posted by Idinraha at 04:22 PM | Comments (3)

Maryam's Rant......................................................

Well, I was asked to write a rant and here we go........Today, I recieved an email, that my six month program with DBM, an outplacement agency, will expire next week. This means that I have been actively looking for an apportunity for the last six month with no result. I know you are probably tired of my belly aching But I still consider myself a very fortunate woman. Fortunate enough to come to U S, right after high school and live with my entire family here. Thanks to my Father and Brothers, we had already an established business here, and could live a decent life. I worked hard through college, language was a problem for all of us to deal with, staying up all night with dictionaries, and other books.I recieved a scholarship in my second year to study chemistry.(I always say I learned english thru chemistry). I graduated Magna Cum laud and accepted by UCONN, for a PHD program. I met my husband in school, and fell in love the minute I laid eyes on him. We soon became friends, and after a courtship perid got married. By then we had known a lot of each other, past and present. I guess the CHEMISTRY was right and we have been together ever since. And after all these years we still have the best bed time stories ever!!!!. I entered the job market and after a few small contract positions, I was lucky enough to land a job with a large Pharmaceutical compony. In six years I moved through the compony chain and trippled my salary. I was blessed with my two beautifull healthy girls, that have given new meaning to my life. I am a very structured person but the three Darlings of my life, have given me number of Thumbs on the nose. My career has been always very important to me,of course secondary to my family, but not by a big margin. I do envy those that are not as dedicated to their carrer, and work to live, rather than live to work. I believe that having my kids have not taken away from my dedication to my career, but has made me much more efficient. I do not believe a woman's place is in the house raising kids, with her man working outside. Not that it is wrong, but I have never understood it. I have seen houswives that have gone to pieces after a divorce, or death of their husband, and many men, that have been able to continue and thrive in the same position. Again, do not get me wrong, I am not critisizing but showcasing a different point of view. To me, my career is very important, I am lost without it, and not having it consumes me. It in many ways defines me. At the same time when I am at work, I do worry about my kids, and wish that I was with them. Am I thorn ?, perhaps, Do I want it all? , you bet!, Do I deserve to have it all?, definitely!

Posted by Idinraha at 03:06 PM | Comments (5)

notes to myself.........................by Hugh Prather

There are no absolutes for something so relative as a human life.
There are no rules for something as gentle as a heart.

Posted by Idinraha at 02:35 PM | Comments (0)

Kindness of strangers

" I wont be ignored", yes, as Glen Close said, in that movie, FATAL ATTRACTION, to Micheal Douglass, " you can not have your way with me, and then ignore me". that movie brought lots of nightmares for many married men, and for good reasons. Or as Tom Cruise said to Jack Nicholson, " I want the truth" in a FEW GOOD MEN. there is a need for me here to show some back bone, I need answers. when I asked you what did you do last night?, in my last rant. only Fafar, my delicious S&M nymph, wrote me an answer, it was not as titillating as I was hoping for, but at least she answered. I know many of you will shout back; "you can not stand the truth", but your cooperarion is required, or else, I might have to ask again.

Sunshine Of Spotless Mind, I really enjoyed it, it's an interesting movie, about the power of memories, and the streanght of love, with great acting by Jim Carey, and Cate Winslet. The guy who wrote it, is Joe Kaughman, he also wrote Adaptation, which was another very interesting, movie. He did won an Oscar for SUNSHINE.........., I highly recomend seeing the movie.

Does anybody play a CREEP better than Christopher Walken, I could just sit and watch him act. he has such a distinct way of moving his head, and the pitch of his voice, the way he utters every word, and that synical smile, he live here in Weston, not too far away from my store, and a guy I know once delivered Pizza to his house, and he was so shocked to come face to face with Mr, Walken that he froze, just standing there.

I loathe Reality shows, it's like a disease that does not go away and I guess it has all the charm of a Car wreck on the side of the highway. and the latest evolution of these shows, WIFE SWAPP, SUPER NANNY, AMERCAS MODEL, CONTENDER,....... there is nothing real about them, only playing fast and loose with the fragile psyche of bunch of inbred, wanna be, losers, who allow these whore mongers to dominate, and exploit every aspects of their lives,.....How low have fallen, and where will we stop. I do not know

Was anybody, classier than Johnny Carson, does anybody amongst the bunch that are on air these days come even close. Gracefull, sharp witted, private man, that knew when to leave the stage, at the top, I still miss his understated delivery, and priceless gestures when a joke fell flat. He made those jokes funnier by his reactions, and we were all charmed for so so long.

Isn't it interesting, that after all the uphevel, in Iraq, and Afghanistan, now with freely elected governments, and every thing that is happening in Lebanon, Syria pulling out, under the pressure from USA, but now with French, and germans and China cooperating with our demand. and the Washington media crooning that MAYBE, MAYBE THE FREEDOM IS ON THE RISE. AND MR BUSH'S EFFORT NO MATTER HOW UNCONVINCING AT ITS CONCEPTOIN, might result in rise of Democracy in Middle east. Even Hossni Mobarak has set a time frame for free elections in Egypt, and The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia has to follow And by the death of Yassir Arafat, and the new preseident Mahmood Abbas in Palastine, and Hamas cooperating for the first time. maybe, maybe we can hope............... I believe we might come to see in our life time, a peacefull middle east, I am encouraged and hoprfull.

I know Fereydoon told us, that we will not be able to continue on these pages without delving in politics, it has always been the force that effects our daily lives no matter what. So I guess we will thread carefully, engaging in this sort of diualouge, and we call it Dialougues of hope, to keep face.

Last night while falling sleep I was going over many things, we could cover today, I should hd taken notes, but I know somehow in my unconscious mind they sip through, and show up on these pages. But this morning I sat down and told myself, no planning, just let it ripp. Only if you know what a pleasure is to have this soap box, and somehow reach you.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:19 AM | Comments (4)

March 09, 2005

Notes To Myself...................by Hugh Prather

Both My body and my emotions were given to me, and it's futile for me to condemn myself for feeling scared, insecure, or revengeful, as it is for me to get mad at myself for the size of my feet. I am not responsible for my feelings, but for what I do with them.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:05 AM | Comments (1)

You like, you REALLY like me................

Let there be light,.......you guys are all back,Cyrus, my main MANCRUSH, Fereydoon, The LOVEMONGER, Maraym, LIL SIS, MeTal, my poetic inspiration, and COMMRADE in arms, and Fafar the sweetes soul, the girl I did not marry, since she likes German guys and Rough sex, and my quiet elegant beautifull wife, Marjan, you all visited the site, and left comments. THANKS, it is lonely up here without you guys. Fereydoon left me one of the most beautifull comments ever, it brought tears to my eyes, and God knows how I needed to hear what he said (check it out). Cyrus with his dry sence of humor, still tugging at my heart, LiL sis, Maryam encouraging me to free lance, Fafar ecouraging and faboulesly Kind as ever, and MeTal, although homeless and living in the streets these days, took the time to read my pages and left beautifull comments. Incidently MeTal, Fereydoon has his own mortgage compony, and knows many people in Real State, so if you need help relocating, maybe he can come up with something. marjan does not leave comments, but she mentions the pages in our daily conversatins, and has given me so much support. Thank you all................ Cyrus has checked the site and sent me an Email, about the traffic on the site. We have had an average of thirty people checking the site daily, mostly looking for our pictures, but thats okay, who knows, if we get one and two a month hooked here, it would be good, otherwise we are fine anyway. I will try to post some more poems today, and will ask MeTal, if I can post some of her new ones, and we will see..... you guys rock.

Posted by Idinraha at 10:44 AM | Comments (1)

It is okay to touch................

Well, survived another snowy day. Snow, and 35 miles an hour wind, yummy. Left the store early yesterday around 3 pm, it took us three hours to get home, relying on my knowing of the secondary roads, otherwise it would have been longer. I Had my window opened, after I left my father at his house. The air was cold fresh and biting. I took a few deep breath, and felt calm, very calm, it was the promise of getting home,the seclusion of my present state driving slowly in snowy weather, or maybe just being tired. I Was greeted at home by my lovelies, and hot tea. Well, It seems writing about Tea, has helped plenty in me getting more of it, so my next subject will be about the magic of passionate love making, every morning, and, the amazing effect of it on middle aged men's every day life!!, how about that.

My son is eleven years old, and has discovered his Penis, I kinda remember that myself, its a delicious discovery. Not long ago, I was going through channels on Tv, on a sleepless night when he showed up, half sleep in the family room, and sat next to me, one of the channels was showing two lovers kissing, then I heard my son chuckling, I turned to him, and asked, why is he laughing, he pulled his pajamas down showing me his penis, and said, " IT STOOD UP", meaning his Penis, and the the erection he had. His face looked so innocent, and full of wonder. It was funny, I told him that, it was normal, and has a lot to do with all the hormones in him, turning him to be a man. Then he said sheepishly, " but daddy, sometimes, it just does not sit down", I did not know what to say, so I recomended drinking some cold water, which helped. so last night he was sitting down in front of the TV, and his hands were inside his pajamas, Maqrjan looked at him and said," it's Okay, if you need to touch your Penis, or scratch it, but do it in your own room, in private", and I thought we have come a long way. we used to be told, not to touch our penises, or play with it, WE COULD GO BLIND, but now, My educated wife, with a degree in psychology, and specifically Child Psychology, was recommending to my son, that it was okay. for a moment I wanted to ask my wife, if it was okay for me to.........., but I decided not to.

Kiana asked me if we could go to sleep earlier, since she knows that Teusday nights, I like to watch HOUSE, md. so we went to Amin's room and laid down. Amin did not join us, since he was not ready to sleep, and he knew, tommorow would be a late start for schools. We got to bed, and talked for a while, I told Kiana, about my first Crush in first Grade, her name was FARIBA ARAB, and how beautifull she looked, Kiana was amused. Pretty soon, she started tossing and turning, and then whispered in my ear, " daddy I like a guy at school too,", then she hid herself under the covers, I gave her a bit of time, and
said, "thats nice, I bet you, he has blonde hair", she came up from under the covers, with a surprised face, " how did you know that", well, a lucky guess, but she is sarrounded in the family by dark haired guys. Anyway she tossed and turned a bit more, dove under the cover, came back up, held me tighter, even bit my arms, while telling me about him, name and all, it seems all the girls, at school have a thing for this guy.
I told her I was so happy and felt so special that she shared this with me, and I like to know more about him, and all the other guys she will have a crush on. I also told her, that how her daddy, used to fall in love with every pretty face he saw, at that age, and there will be many more. then she hanged on to me tighter untill she fell sleep, taking me with her too. I woke up at Ten, sorry that I might have missed, House md, made my way down to the family room, where Marjan told me that it was a repeat, and I did not miss a new episode. We had a bit more discutions about Amin's penis, and I proudly told Marjan how Kiana had confided in me. she was pleasantly surprised. so, -the business is slow, snows a lot these days, I stay in traffics a lot more, although I keep good compony, with my dad being with me, and then I get home, see my lovelies, get served hot tea by the prettiest girl I know, and have to deal with Amin, and Kiana's new discoveries. not bad, not bad at all, so, what did you do last night ?

Posted by Idinraha at 09:44 AM | Comments (2)

March 08, 2005

Anybody out there?

well, It's a bit quiet here, things change but as long as we adapt to them, it is allright. we are getting more snow here, but what else is new. I think we have lost a few readers, i am sure they are busy with more important matters in their daily lives. MeTal has been curiously absent, she had mentioned on Poets.com, that she is moving , so good luck Metal, come back soon, and tell us again of your flights of fancy. Fereydoon has been sending me E-mails, but have not left any comments lately, he is a successfull business man and I am sure they are deals to be made, and places to go for him. I talked to Cyrus over IM, yesterday, he is better now, has taken off his elbow cast and recouperating. Maryam my LiL sis, has been leaving us comments, thanks, LiL sis, she has her hand full with remodelling her house, studying for a new liscence in her field, and of course her two beautifull daughters. Fafar, well I hear about Fafar, and her latest adventures at dinner table, as Marjan shares with me their daily banters, and amusing discussions. My Brother Hossein told me yesterday that he was reading the site, I think Soosan, his lovely wife also does visit, but no comments from either of them yet. Well, on this day March 8th, ninteen years ago, I met my wife, Marjan at our Stamford store, it was love at first site, and has been the best major event of my life. We have been married over eighteen years, have had our ups and downs, and she has been the major source of inspiration, LOve, happiness, and discovery in my life. and lets not forget her hands, well her everything in giving us two lovelies, Amin, and Kiana. We have been able to become, lovers, and friends. and she has started serving tea for us after dinner lately, which I know will take us to new dimensions of knowing and intimacy. Thanks my love, for putting up with me. and happy anniversary. she sent me a beautiful message this morning, telling me that I am still her Prince Charming, (an over grown prince charming I suggested). Last night I found myself sleepless, sitting, and watching TV, going through the channels, I came across an interesting fellow, Dick Kerepny, he had made his way to the wilderness of Alaska, Built a log Cabin, from scratch, and lived by himself there for thirty five years. The documentry, was filmed by him , through the use of a tripod, and a camera. I found it fascinating, how he beuilt his log Cabin, the simple methods he used. How he hunted, fish, gathered woods, and berries. made himself, a stone fire place. and took long trips up the mountain, and the hills around him. It was refreshing, . he has written a few books, and journals about his adventures, that are available worldwide. I also caught the tail end, of a concert, by a jazz singer, Jane Mohiet. A beautifull women in her late twenties, with a gorgeous face, and a body to be jelous of, and her voice, the songs, it was a pleasure in sight and sound. after ward I tried to sleep again, but it did take me a while till sleep found me. well I hope to hear from more of you, and find some of you here tommorow in these pages.

Posted by Idinraha at 08:44 AM | Comments (6)

March 07, 2005

Celebrating Death

The door has been left half open, enough to carry the voices and allows the light. There are no definite endings, for we Carry the memories inside us, and there are sparks still under the ashes. we are born, not of our will and it does take us a long time to achive consciouness of who we are and where we are going, and even at that there is no definite meaning to what we percieve, cause perceptions mirror realities, they do not define it, we achive them by relying on our sensory devices, sight, hearing, tasting, touching, and at best none of us get to master the use of such devices, so there is relative perception based on relative reality, resulting from relative observations. So how do we dare to condemn, or condone, by making choices based on such fragile knowing. We are praised to be bravest for knowing of our demise , yet choosing to live. maybe because we have no perception of our demise, no knowing, or understanding of it. Life, death, parts of the same equations, a beginning or and end. but to which direction, we know of living and we do not know of death. We try in despair to allow ourselves different definitions of it, but we do get to it as invoulenterily as we get to our birth. words, defined in meanings, defined in perceptions, such a thight rope we walk on. And a need in us to understand the direction we are going. after we are fed, physically nourished, we do look around, at the sky and the sun, at the days that go by, and this curiosity to know, to learn....why are we here?
where are the ropes, what is the base, and who runs this show, this courages flight to unknown, for that is the destination. so we create a language to know of each other to comunicate, for better understanding of ourselves, we write books, write poetry, paint, of what know for we persue an elevation that could evolve us, and bring us closer to the sun. we live traces in our books in our kids, our legacies. manuals, instruction, we go to the moon and beyound, floating in this synchronised movement that hurls us ahead. we think, and think more trying hard to understand, and our ambitions grow not to accept, that this is all futile, and we hope beyond hope, and plow further, inside and out, within the earth and beyound the limits of Gods, and this erosion we bring to ourselves by our daring and wanting more, more and even more. breaking atoms, sounds, and the laws of creation, for we need to know, for if we had not progressed, and still lived bare back amongst the woods, as animalistcally as possible, depending on our instincts for survival. there would not have been any sence of time, we created time, by these movements, we created gods by our needs, and we still do not know after the ship reaches the port and the vessel has reached its destiny, where is the next horizon, this death this unavoidable albatraz, has brought us so far, and yet we do not know. so we ought to celebrate Death, our common malady that has tought us how to hunt, how to fight, how to learn, how to grow and progress, all in shadows of it, for the elaborate unknown horro of it. Death

E

Posted by Idinraha at 03:59 PM | Comments (4)

The essence of fire

It's your move
You take another look
At the set, stand up, go
To the window, lit a cigarette,
As the moon displays you in a
Long shadow set against the wall

I sit deeper, rotating my head
Gently around, my eyes closed, I
Open another botton, exposing my breast
Just one, then I moisten my finger in my
Mouth, trriping down my chin, down my
Neck, my breast, teasing my nipple
Between my finger and nail,

Move my hipp closer to the edge, and
Pull my skirt up, around my waist,
Push my panties away, so I am exposed
The chair gives in allowing me
To use my right hand, my fingers
My knowing tools their mischief
I caress the hood, trespassing
Inside, Hmmmmmmm,

Its the perversity of the image
My head back, one foot on the floor
Stationed in gravity, the other
Hanging on the armchair, I
Am deliciously spread,
Comforting myself

You finish your cigarette
Come back, witha smile on your face,
Sit across, look at me, poutting
Your lips a bit, your chin resting
Against your palm, you look at the set
Calm, you reach move your Queen, taking
My Roukh, CHECK MATE, you say softly
Handsomely happy, you stand up,
Come to me, Kiss me
On my forehead,
And leave

Posted by Idinraha at 12:02 PM | Comments (5)

Of Grapes and men

Men are like Grapes, Women have to stomp them for a while
before they could have them for dinner !!

Posted by Idinraha at 12:00 PM | Comments (0)

Tea and seduction

Hot, brewed tea has always been one my favorite drinks, after dinner at the restaurant, I usually ask for Earl Grey tea, and have it black, the aroma and the taste, balancing the tinge of sweets in my mouth. Hmmm, I also like my tea hot, really hot, enough to burn my lips a bit. Marjan did not used to be a tea drinker, but she is coming around. I remember one of her relatives, a middle aged beautifull lady, once asked her if she likes some tea, and was very much surprised when she declined. " you mean you don't make tea for your husband, to drink together?" she asked with pitty in her voice.
" how could you be a woman, and not serve brewed tea for your husband, and drink it together. Just being together, drinking tea, you are missing a lot" she said matter of factly. Marjan was taken back, the way the lady talked, it was like having tea with your husband, made some certain seductive bond between both of you, and every woman should know, and practice that. Any way, last night after dinner Marjan brought up some hot tea. We sat together a bit longer, talked more, and had a few laughs, maybe there is something to what the lady preached.

This morning I was thinking, how Mr, Jackson was not happy with the creator's creation, and tried his hand in some artistary of his own, and the result has been amazingly disappointing. Isn't it amazing how we all have noses, eyes, forheads, chins, ears, and mouthes, but we all look so different, and there is somany of us. Isn't human body the most amazing machine that have ever been created, flesh, skin and bones, and it can do so much. there is no camera that can do what our eyes do, and for as long as they do it. They have been able to figure out and read the Human Genom,it is a remarkable discovery. It has a combination of thousands of elements in it. They have been able to creat new cells, by mixing some of those elements, the single cell is created, and multiplied. but it can not function aon its own and make new functioning cells. forget about brewing tea and enjoying it with her husband

Posted by Idinraha at 11:25 AM | Comments (4)

March 06, 2005

Notes to myself.........................by Hugh Prather

Do i avoid looking a stranger in the eyes, because I do not want
to make him uncomfortable, or do I turn my eyes so he can not
look into me ?

Posted by Idinraha at 02:41 PM | Comments (3)

Kids ape, part two

Well , it's a quiet sunday in land of OZ, not many people in the streets, the weather is warmer, but its cloudy, and lifless. however I know, as deserted and lifeless it seems, there is a lot going on underneath. Spring will be upon us soon, not soon enough though since this winter has been long. there is new blood sproutting inside the trees, and the slumber of earth is being shaken, with promise of resurection, and rejuvenation.

"The word is dead, when it is said, some say. But I say it begins to live that day.", a good observation by miss Bronte. It is amazing that how words can become tools of elation, sadness, encouragement, and love. words can bring life, or cut down any inspirations. So when is uttered or written, one has to be carefull with one's intentions. I have made it a Golden rule in my life," if you do not have a nice thing to say, then don't say ". And have tried to be carefull with what I write here. Earlier this mounth, I left two comments on Cyrus's site. My rather futile attempts at humor, not reallising how much hurt I could bring. Cyrus brought it to my attention. The point was made, I appologised, and have been trying harder to be more carefull.

The piece I wrote, KIDS APE, might have ruffled a few feathers. It has not been my intention to criticise or hurt anyone. It all started by me coming across a comment by HUGH PRATHER, that, kids hear moods much louder than words, which I posted. It did get a few comments which made me think it might merrit a rant. It has not been my intention to preach, but to point out. God knows Parenthood is such difficult task for all of us, and we never know if we are doing right by our kids, resulting in apprehension, observation and guilt for all of us. Every family has its own mechanism, like every marriage, it's hard to generalise. We do what we can. When Amin was born, Marjan had a very good job, and was making over 50,000. a year. I had lost my business, and was starting a new one, we had to rent our house in Stamford, and move to a much smaller condominium, so we can afford the mortgage. Marjan had quit her work earlier, but had to go back to work, so Amin stayed with me all day in the store, for maybe two month. It was tough on me, Marjan missed seeing Amin's first steps walking. So I asked her to quit, since it was an emotional burden on her, and me. She stayed home, and little by little my business picked up. We had made a pack, that we would never leave our kid with a baby sitter, we have never done that, Akram has been a help, but we also tried not to burden her with our kids. We do not take vacations without them, and so far no baby sitter. It has been hard on our relationship, me and Marjan, it still is, but we made a choice and live by it.

I know a Doctor client of ours, who works nights, so she could be with her kids during the day. That is a choice she has made, and we all do depending on knowing what matters most to each of us individually.
I did not say that mothers who work, or leave their kids in DAY CARES, love their childeren less. No way. I just pointed out how everything has a cost. and how we have to make choices and live by their consequences. I personally think, Contemporary women, have been used, and missused by some aspects of Feminism. believing they could be super humen, and work, and still take care of their households, kids and husbands. I would never think that any women, mother, houswife, does any less than their exucetive husbands, or mates, far from it. It is much easier to leave the house in the morning, and deal with adults, and logic, rather than kids and their whims.

But however you cut it, children are neglected, divorces are up, one parent household are rising, and the whole society is suffring for it. There was a segment, on Sixty minutes, dealing with the rise of Professional women leaving their work to stay home and raise their children. The women that were interviewed, were all highly educated, intelligent women, which had left big salary jobs, and felt happy being home. The amuzing part was that another women had written a book critisizing them, saying that they are hurting the cause of FEMINISM, and the women's progress in society. So go figure. nobody's wrong, and nobody's right. Could that be ? I do not know, but there are always compromises, and decisions that are made by them, and the price that we pay. you decide.

Posted by Idinraha at 01:46 PM | Comments (1)

March 05, 2005

IS YOUR PEACH FUZZY ?

Good morning, Hi, hello, Wassup, the words come out, once the face is recognised, automatically. We follow the roads, expecting to see the familiar faces. And the ones we know, they all have a special place in our lives. Hello ficker, he fills up the fruit baskets next door, Hello love, thats for Carolyne, the girl at the coffee bar. and once when they are not around where we expect them, the first day we might not notice, but by second and third day we miss them. I am used to turning my laptop on and open up the IM, seeing Fereydoon and Cyrus's name, I might not open them for a chat, but its good to know that they are there, present in my life. I am used to walk in the door, and see Kiana running toward me, Daddy, Daddy, she says befor jumping in my arms. and I know she would follow me, even to the bathroom the rest of the night. she sits on my lap at the dinner table and helps herself from my plate, and if one night she is busy somewhere, I call her, Kiana,......"dont you like to eat in peace?", Marjan asks, while I smile, and shrugg. we like our habbits, they are good for us, they allow us certain safety, and comfort. knowing where my pijamas are, expecting the fresh washed smell of my sox in the draw in the morning. the siluhette of Marjan sleeping on her side as I am leaving and I take a last look, or Amin's wet lips when he kisses me in the morning. There is a place for me in all these situations, the place I occupy, I fit in, and being there completes me, makes me whole. Anthony's warm smile, Ron with a twinkle in his blue eyes, half smiles, and LD, larger than life, full of energy, deliciously sinfull, -HI Ld, -hi love,. In my world, everybody's a sweet heart, every body's LOVE, that's how I accept them and know them, the ones that are close, and their souls live in same zip codes as I do. and right now, I miss Ld, I worry about her, I wish I could give her one of the hugs, that she is always so generous in giving. Life is so deliciously unpredictable, and thats how it should be, new begining, sad goodbys, see you later, or see you soon, of course if our lives allow us. We go through so much, we are all aging so by now, we check our cholesterol, Blood pressure, heart, prostate, and as Amir advised me last week,- being over 45, I should visit the specialist of the rectal kind, for my colon. eh, But what about the sate of our being, our souls, mental health. We know how not to eat fatty foods, stop smoking, sleep more, whatch out for the signs of certain maladies, but nobody asks, Are you smilling enough lately, how many birds have you seen floating in the sky, Are you getting enough hugs, have you been touched lately, have somebody wanted you passionately in the last six mounth, has anyone caressed your skin all over, Has anyone told you " I love you , no matter what". have you fallen sleep in your lover's arms, safe. do you feel safe, do you wake up with a smile. do you look forward going to work, and are you eager to come back home. IS YOUR PEACH FYZZY ? , just kidding but the last one I do ask Cyrus and ferry a lot. All and all, it's the state of our being. With me I could pick up the phone and say Hi, and Marjan would know exactly how I feel, women are usually better in this. I get hugs regularly, from my kids and Marjan, if I need one, I ask for it, even far, far away, Fereydoon knows. I get to pick up my dad every day, and once in a while he treats me to one of his famous laughters. I have more jokes these days in my arsenal, and not afraid to use them. I am famous at my mom's dinner table for recomending different types of ENEMAS, for different ailments. I do drive fast with my windows open in snowy weather, while screaming and laughing. I flirt freely with men, and women, to a point that I am called THE FLAMING STRIGHT GUY, and I try to be kind to every one, specially myself, accept my short comings and try to grow. and I find beauty in everything and everyone. and after a shower at home, I stand naked in front of the mirror, and give myself compliments, or stand on the porch and sing OH WHAT A BEAUTIFULL MORNING, OH WAHT A BEAUTIFULL DAY, while Marjan tries to hide somewhere. Am I emotionally balanced, Nah,far from it, but I am working on it. so the next friend you talk to ask him/her; IS YOUR PEACH FUZZY?, AND SMILE

Posted by Idinraha at 12:32 PM | Comments (0)

Notes to myslef...........................by Hugh Prater

Calmness accompanies the whole. Fear accompanies the part.
Intution looks beyound the latest object of my concern to
see the stillness of all outcomes.

Posted by Idinraha at 09:50 AM | Comments (0)

March 04, 2005

KIds ape

Remember our kids come to us with a clean slate, and we get to fill up their minds with what we present to them. DR, Laura, one of my favorite Radio host has long been critisizing us for PARENTHOOD WITH PROXY,-Allowing our kids to be raised in Day cares, would expose them to other's values and sensibilities, after a while they would not be our kids, as they download different conflicting values that they experience. She also calls absent fathers, SPERM DONNORS, not fathers. I know there are dificult situations that merrit divorces and single parenthood, but I have closely observed two of my brothers going through divorces. I have seen Hossein my younger brother, take away time from his business, and how he has taken over every aspects of his two son's everyday lives, although he shared custody of them with his ex-wife. I have seen him to voluntere, and dedicate his life to those kids, not having any personall life of his own, and how in return he has been rewarded with two young emotionally ballanced, moral sons. He has gained much respect from all of us for his dedication and style of parenthood. His sons are in love with him, adore him, they are sensible, moral teenagers now, and such a treasure and source of pride for all of us. Fathers are necassary for any kids adolecence developement, as much as the Feminist movement in this country has tried to bring their presence down, still is quite obvious how the lack of fathers in kids every day life results in kids with lost souls and no sence of morality. Two working parents families, have been one of the elements that led us to the tragedy Of COLOMBINE, no matter how we try to deny it, this is a fact. But in ME, ME , society of today, we want our Careers, we want our children, we want our german cars, in ground pools, we want to have and own everything we can, but we lose sight to the price we pay. One of my clients told me not long ago, that FELATIO, was the new right of passage for girls in fifth grade. That makes them ten years old,....... There are legitimate books by legitimate authors, bragging about, and encouraging sucg practices as an early passages to contemporary womanhood. Kids are exposed to so much. about a year ago here was a Britney Spears concert airing on ABC, we sat through two minutes of it before changing the channel telling Kiana, that it was too adult for her,heck, its was too adults for us too, so we found a movie we could watch together. I do not know what the answer is, all I know is we have to be there to persue it. so down with parenthood with proxy...and all the ills it brings.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:16 AM | Comments (2)

Notes To Each Other...................by Hugh Prather

To give understanding we must continue to understand. To give love we must continue BEING LOVING. To give a hand to another we must grasp firmly the only Hand that has ever held us.

Posted by Idinraha at 10:47 AM | Comments (0)

Saturday night at Akram's house............Yummmm

Well, another week is gone, and I am still here, counting my blessings. Weekends, are nice, usually we get to do most of our business on the weekend, there is also the promise of Saturday nights dinner over Akram's house with my in laws. The food is Deeeelicious and the compony is fine. Amir, comes up with unique funny jokes, Hootan laughs his heart out, while we put up with his Pager and phone, since he is a doctor, Kamran, gives us the latest gossips in the our business world. We get to see Julie's kids grow even taller, Kiana, and Tara giggle, and play, Leila, wobbles around, makes funny faces, and comes up with new ways to delight all of us. Amir worrys out aloud about the health of each one of us, and gives us advises, we talk about new years coming, spring, and who gets invited to whose house. Akram would complain to Hootan about her latest priscriptions for her and Hossein agha. We all eat heartily, losen our belts, Amir is the first to start. and then there are the pictures, all over the house, of different weddings, different times, reminding us how we are getting older, a bit softer around the edges, a bit more comfortable with ourselves, and each other. Marjan and Miraneh compare catalouges, and talk about the lates sales. I tease Hootan with my latest off color jokes, and make passes at him in front of Alexandra, touching him, brushing his hair, messaging his hsoulders. Amin will be playing his video games with Steven, and Micheal, once in a while, they run out one by one asking Akram, for Ice cream, chocolate, or sodas. Hootan checks kamran's seat looking foe a nail, since kamran devoures his food very fast and goes to watch either the latest soccer game, or persian channels that showcase and sell rugs. We all check the door to the cellar, making sure it is closed, so Leila would not fall. After dinner Akram brings fruits, if one of us has brought desert, usually cakes, we all complain about how much we have eaten, how our latest diets do not work, while we go for seconds. Marjan My model material wife, dressed to the Ts as usuall, would seat, and gourges on any fresh Cream on the cakes, making us all wondering how she stays so slim. Julie tells us about the customers in her store, and how the job of a working mother with Four childern(including Amir, her husband), is never done. There are all smiles and warm faces around us, and we are all happy that we made it through another week and we are all to gether. And once in while, I look at all of them, people that are not related to me by blood, but have accepted me as a part of their own family, have cared and loved me for all these years, and how I love each and every one of them so much. Yes, it might be in the food that Akram feeds us, that make these weekly gathering so magical, another saturday night with my in laws.

Posted by Idinraha at 10:11 AM | Comments (1)

March 03, 2005

The marrying kind....

She sleep walks,
Standing by the window, staring out
She dreams, of ctas and the side walks, cheap
Clognes, cigarette ashes and the scent of Cum,
He slides behind her, His hands on her hips,
pushing closer, she feels the grime,closes her eys
Little Prince, the Fox , and the Snake stare,
hidding under the bed, he pins her against the wall,
Jagged teeth, bared white, he breaks the skin,
She knows, he will pay, she locks him in further,
She grinds, the music plays, in her head,
The images come-Prom Queens, marching in satin
And silk, as blood dripps on her neck, she
Holds him thighter and grinds, The Baloons,
And clowns march on, midgets made up in
crass colors, streaking mascaras, smudgged
Lipsticks, pushed up bras, white panty hoses
torn, baring the flesh, boys rush, living traces,
"Boys, marry girls with excuses", echoes in her head
Boys come and leave, juvenile Hyenas with pieces of flesh
between their teeth, he pushes through, she screams, he
Collapses to stupor, she lights another cigarette

She walks into the church
Dressed up in her Sunday best
The bride wore white, the
Groom in black tuxedoe, showed up,
The brides father hesitated, while her mother smiled,
pushing him on gently, the air was damp, pongent
The smell of rosewater, mixed with perfumes and sweat,
The ghost, Father and Son, stationed amongst the columns,
And walls, anxious, holding hands, patiently devine, were
Announced present, they nodd, ladies freshened their make ups,
Masscaras, and Lipsticks, with the last glance in pocket mirrors
Elated, confirmed, a young girl pulled up her panty hose, bunched up
Her mother lifted her pushed up bra, further up, the pastor smiled
as she remembered, " the boys marry the girls,................."
While The little Prince, The Snake and the Fox watched on....

Posted by Idinraha at 12:47 PM | Comments (0)

Breakfast In Santiago

She breaks the eggs
One by one
They form spread
Around the melting butter
In the pan

She puts the bread
On the table,
Raoul, and Jose
Keep theri hands
On their lapp
As their father
Looks out the window
With a cigarette
burning between his lips

She brings the eggs
Puts five dishes
On the table
Forgetting
That Diego
Was picked up
Last night by the soldiers

Posted by Idinraha at 12:36 PM | Comments (0)

Table Manners, for lovers

I will give you
A manual, so you
Be percise, Which artery,
Where to cut, it will tell you
How to drain the blood, how to
Keep it, so the consistancy of
of it stays, how th skin whould
Be removed, How to cut the flesh
gently, the right angles for removing
It from the skeleton, what to do with
The bones, the marrow, the caltridges.

Oh, its not your Ghoulsih games
That take my breath away, it's how
You want me, like no other lover,
On your tongue, in your mouth, your
Teeth grinding me to bits and morsels,
And to swallow me, every inch, piece
By piece,-Me, your sustinence, inside
You , absorbed by you, it's the totality
Of your urges, the finality of it,
The most I can give you, your lover,
-Me, and for you, all I can give.

So, I will set the table,
Lay naked on top, offering
You a fork and a knife,
So you can eat.

Posted by Idinraha at 12:11 PM | Comments (3)

Notes To each other.......................by Hugh Prather

Children hear moods more loudly than words.

Posted by Idinraha at 10:28 AM | Comments (2)

Is it fun being you?

Last night, laying down in bed with Kiana, she looked at me and asked, Daddy, is it fun being you?, I, did not know what to say, she was sleepy, so she did not persue it. But it buggled my mind, how she could ask such a question, the perception behind it. Well, I said, It is lots of fun being your daddy. It pleases me to see her ask such questions, she is the one that has recieved most of my sensibilities, and urges, she love art, and she is very good at it, she writes poetry, and she is very expressive. I have tried very hard, to open new windows to my three beauties, by asking different questions, by leaving ART books, all over the House, experimenting with new music together with them, and the four of us have grown in all different dimesions. God knows, I have learned more from them, and still am learning. Well, I did a new thing yesterday, Cyrus had suggested that I should answer the comments by posting new comments, and yesterday I did that. It opens up a new way of Dialouges amongst us. My new Poem has gotten mixed reviews, my usuall reviewers on POETS.COM, MeTal, Oxyjen, and Jaspoet, have liked it much, but some new ones, that are not familiar with my poetry, have been offended, insulted, and bewildered, at my Ghoulish sentiments. I will post it today, and would like all of you to give me a review, TABLE MANNERS FOR LOVERS. remember it takes two to Tango and five to Cha Cha, let me know if you liked reading about my Hommies in the Gym, or any other things here, As Fraizer Crane would say, I am listening.......

Posted by Idinraha at 09:14 AM | Comments (0)

March 02, 2005

Free style adventures..............A scented version

I walked to the locker room, and whew, nothing like the smell of fresh unfiltered shit in the morning.I come from a big family,and during my early childhood we all lived in close quarters, so I have learned how to turn off my nose and breath through my mouth, but you can not turn on your deffence mechanism before the first whiff, and wow, you feel the cells in your brain desolve, and your hair turning white. I even have come to know who has been the culprit, by being around as much as I am, Ron's shit has a sweet, very sweet tinge to it, Andrew's on the other hand, has a more nutty flavor, but over all every ones shit these days smells sweeter, for the consumption of sugar in our daily food is rather high. many a times I have promissed myself to by some kind of Oder deterant, of the industrial type and install it in the toilets there, I even have thought about posting a sign, PLEASE, DONT BE SO ATTACHED TO YOUR SHIT, THE MINUTE IT HITS THE WATER, FLUSH IT, AND LET IT GO, REMEMBER, THERE IS SWEET SORROW IN DEPARTURES OF THE BELOVED, BUT IF IT LOVES YOU IT WILL COME BACK TO YOU, SO DAMN IT, FLUSH. I know many of you are inclined to check it before flushing it, due to your heavy studies of Frued, and his theories, but PLEASE, do the checking at home. where you can take your sweet time, and analyze it and treasure it for keep sake. Wedenesdays, is Anthony's dayy off at the Gym, but everybody was in good spirit today, I think I even heard Dominic laughing loud today, and asked him for whatever he was on. LD is back, she looks a bit thinner, but so full of energy, smiles and hugs for everybody. I think she has had an epiphany, realizing how short life is and how prescious good clients( me, not being one of them) always are, whatever the reason, she always looks gorgeous, specially with a smile on her face. Now if she can do something about the music in the joint........but maybe I am asking for too much, everything is so deliciously good there that we can stand the music. Incidently I got to thank Micheal for suggesting to me about writing a review for THE ODOR PROBLEM. You guys are bunch of the best people I know, so keep on keepin on, even if I have to hold my nose

Posted by Idinraha at 11:49 AM | Comments (3)

Notes To Myself..............................by Hugh Prater

Ideas are clean. They soar in the serene supernal.
I can take them out and look at them, they fit in
Books, they lead me down the narrow way. And in
The morning they are there. Ideas are straight--

But the world is round, and a messy
Mortal is my friend.

Come walk with me in the mud.........

Posted by Idinraha at 11:42 AM | Comments (0)

Youza

Youza, I have a head ache, did not get much sleep last night, went to bed after watching HOUSE,md. but around 3am, Amin moved next to me,and we cuddled, he was couphing a bit, so I could not sleep. Yesterday I talked a lot with Cyrus about the site, it's growing at alarming rate, due to posting of the pictures. Cyrus told me that pictures take a lots of space, and we should do something about it, he went over alternatives with me, and even sent me a very percise soloution. I do not know, so last night laying in bed holding my son, I was thinking about what I am doing here. The whole idea started by Cyrus building a site for me, to post my potery, so they would not be scattered, as they have been for the last thirty years.
I used to write them, send them to Fereydoon, or some other poor souls, and sometimes I kept a copy. But this has given me, catalouge.
then Rants came, which have been posted in as many pieces as poems, and then the pictures. Do we really need the pictures, It does take me a long time, to find something I like. There are also matters of Copy Rights that I have neglected, to Cyrus's dismay. They do make the presentation of my pages look better, but I think I have to be more sensible about it. So I might do away with posting pictures, we could deal with it, but I do not know, if anyone likes to see pictures, God knows there are plenty of them on the net. If I get the chance to do some photography of my own I will post some, otherwise, so long and farewell to Pictures. That might bring down our readership, but I think I will be happier for it. You are here of your own choice, and presumably here to read my Rants and poems, so, that I will give you. I also have found myself to be pickier about whom I like to invite here. I like the bunch we have, so I will be choosier. As long as I am strutting naked on these pages, I like to know who is reading them.

I did write a very emotionally graphic piece yesterday,TABLE MANNERS FOR LOVERS,...it is Ghoulish and raw. i will post it here. Metal left us a few co0mments yesterday, thanks for the input Commrade. Cyrus left a comment about Baraka, and did a much better job in describing it, thanks. My head is foggy, I am a bit upset with myself, and how extreme I am in everything I do, with me its either, everything or Nothing, and that always robs somebody the wrong way, but that's how I am. Going at 100 mile an hour toward my latest object of desire, hover over it, use it to exhustion and then leave, finding another. I do not know, things change but in many ways they always stay the same.

Have you ever seen any man as good looking as Sean Connery,....I think he is the ultimate in looks, and body. I remember long time ago, I went to the movie, THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING, with Mahnaz, and we were both taken by him, specially in the sceene that he is fully naked, and they show him from the back. I also wrote a piece some times ago , about Al Pacino, and Mr, Brando, two of my other favorite actors, which I try to post today. Now i will be heading to the Gym trying to get some of this poison of my everyday living out of me...........

Posted by Idinraha at 09:16 AM | Comments (8)

March 01, 2005

Lonely table, just for one

Damn, poets.com, I have to review seven poems, to be able to write one, and god knows except a few of my favorite, METAL, OXIJEN, JASPOET, reading the rest is such a chore. I find a new one yesterday though, she writes confessional poetry, but has such a contemporary feel to her pieces and very fresh angles, I will be throwing her a net, will see if she bites. I do not enjoy men poets, rarely, they lack something, they look out, rather than in, and their work, lacks intimacy,......women are more in tune, with themselves, their sarrounding. I read a very lush piece by Metal today, there was great calmness in her poem, probably the most feminine poem she has written, in my opinion, very fluid.

Accidental Tourist, is one of my favorite films, It is seamless, like a good poem, and very quiet. The acting borders, magic, specially WILLIAM HURT, ah, one of our best actors, who does not get many good roles any more. look it up, its devine.

LOOKING FOR RICHARD, is a kinda semi documentry, by Al Pacino, its his fourteen years effort in understanding and and explaining the play RICHRD THE THIRD, no ,no ,no, its not borring, its amazingly interesting and lively, specially for people who have n ot read the play, highly recomended.

Baraka, is a documentry, made by two priest, the title is hard to translate, but it means "allowance, or gift ", it is poetry galore, every shot, every scene, the music, and the depth of the subject, haunting, and bone crushing, it will stay with you for a while.

Elizabeth, such a lush, gorgeous movie, with beautifully etheral Kate Blanchet, as the title role, she will take your breath away, its in her eyes, and her attitude, her humor, all and all, and the always magical Jeffery Rush, plays the role of the Cardinal, the scene in the Chambers of House of the Lords, is magnifice.

MOSTLY MARTHA, a silice of heaven, very contemporary movie making, with the actress that plays the Marthe, a vision in Earth women Beauty, a tough woman on the verge, and then faith comes ti rescue,
She is a cook.

Posted by Idinraha at 01:55 PM | Comments (3)

Sinning On Route 95

Tete, tet, Voom,
The engine roams,
All eight Cylanders,
Majestically Big, an Iron Horse,
Purring at my command, as I
Adjust my seat, check the mirrors,
I do not need seatbelts,
Where I am heading that would be
My least offence, sitting naked
At midnight, inside his car, I hit
The signall, and there I go, all tingles

Mick, the lover boy, comes to rescue,
His full lips red, he sings the tune,
I CAN GET NO SATISFACTION, NO, NO, NO
I can see him on stage, grinding his tush,
I push the pedal further, singing along,
Voom, the car throbes, the leather sticks
To my thighs, holding its bare back rider,
Skin to skin, I schimmy back and forth, slights
My flesh ia awake, my blood in rush,

I open the window, let the cold
Rush in, bloowing my hair, I open
Another, and before long, all the
Windows, and the sunroof are done
My Nipples stand and ache
Bringing new sensations
Throbing in my head,
I am all Sin

Hurling toward the horizon
At the end of 95 South,
I am profiled, hands
On the wheel, speeding,
My hair in flight,
All goose bumps,
All damp, and sour
Where my skin teases the leather
Going down, Eighty Fiving , on Route 95

Posted by Idinraha at 10:46 AM | Comments (2)

Notes To Myself...................by Hugh Prather

The heart Loves, but moods have no loyalty.
Moods should be heard but never danced to.

Posted by Idinraha at 10:35 AM | Comments (0)

Snowy Teusday

well, here we go again, another eight to ten inches, its enough to give you sourgasm. Fereydoon sent me an Email, one of the pieces he wrote, has been accepted to be published, Man I am jelous, well if he sends the piece to me I will post it here, heck, I would even pay him. Cyrus is back in his usuall form, he had a bad fall I guess snow boarding, there are pictures of his fall posted on CYCHO.net, and please MARBLE man, you are not that young anymore, give it up,....just kidding, he is getting sensetive on me lately, I hope every things allright, he did leave us a comment, Metal, left us two comments and she also directed me toward a new site for pictures, and the result is my last posting, Heaven and Hell, thanks Metal, you are a loyal one. Maryam has left us comments too. Her kids take so much out of her, but she deserves it and lil sis enjoy. We also have a newcomer, FAFAR, she is Marjan's
bestest friend, when she is around, marjan does forget about me, they talk to each other every day, and she is such a great source of happiness for Marjan and I. She is married to Klaus, a dude from Germany, when I asked her why, she said: German man like rough sex. she is an artist, a wonderfull photographer, she did two shooting sessions with Marjan, the pictures are fabulous, one of them is posted on CYCHO.net. She also pedals softcore pornogrophy, by taking tastefull nudes of my wife and showing it around. She always has a funny joke, and beutifull laughter. Wellcome Fafar, and better be nice, otherwise I tell everyone, what happens when we go out for a smoke once in while. Fafar just made a poster frame of one of my wifes nudes, and gave it to her, with a beautiful easile to show case it, in our bedroom, the frame is about 4X6 feet, rather large, and allows me fantasizing about threesomes !!!!!........ I am gonna post SINNING ON ROUTE 95, a new piece I wrote recently, and invite you again to read my last posting LITTLE RED RIDDING HOOD,...it gives a whole new meaning to that tale.

Posted by Idinraha at 10:00 AM | Comments (2)