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March 24, 2005
Falling in love,
I know, I know, its a very widely used term, but to some extent it is our favorite past time, it's Androphin galore, you walk on air, and nothing bothers you, you are connected, elated, and the energy that you have, the day dreams, and the time you spend with your beloved is so presciouss. Does marriage destrys love, well that's a strong word, Marriage redirects love, it gives it a new dimension, marriage is not easy and it takes lots of care to stay in it, but the rewards are countless. Married people live longer, well that's a good fringe benefit, there is of course that famous joke; Why married men die sooner than their wives, because they want to. Or Meat loof's Lyric, " Now I am waiting for the end of time, cause if I spend another minute with you , I dont know if I can survive." well you committe to beloved by the Dashboard light, and you can not expect much. Europeaqns , specially French have a more relaxed idea of marriage and sex. You have your boy toy, and I have the nymph next door, but I do not ask, and you do not answer, and everybody lives happily ever after.
I saw a program on ABC 20/20, about Swingers; married couple that get together with other married couples, and everything goes, there is ten million of them in united states. Their logic is that no man or woman, can or should put up with one partner in life, and this is a more honest way of staying in a marriage. Well, hmm, I do not know, but if my wife is being unfaithfull to me I rather not witnesse it. One of the couples said, that their eighteen years old son also knows about what they do, and he is okay with it. Golly Gee, we have come a long way.
I know also men, or women that watch their spouses very closely, moniter their outings, check the telephone bills, their computer logs and make an ass of themselves in the process. Remember we are all adults,-" yes at one point in my life you were the love of my life, but I have moved on, I have grown, and as a free person I can do what I want.". The staement is true, and I believe if one wants to walk outside their commitments and marriage bounds, one will do, no matter what the other partner wants or needs. We are all free, and have the liberty to navigate our lives where we want to.
Surprisingly, if you ask married men why they cheat on their wives, the first answer is " I am married but I am not dead.", or "its the pleasure of the hunt", and onther one" there is no passion left in our relationship any more, I miss the beginning,the first kiss, the first time". and of course VARIETY. Yes the first beginnings can be exiting, we all remember our first kiss, and how it shook us and took us away. Variety is always good and healthy, and passion is yummy. But as adults we also know that everything has a price, everything has a cost, and we are not the same people any more that we were many years ago, we have different needs now, and are inspired with different entities. There is also Intimacy, and the respect for yourself, this inclination in all of us to be good, and moral, Guilt is also a factor, and toward the end but maybe most important, the kids (if you have them), the house and the cost of Divorce. so before you pay he clerk for the hourly usage of the motel room, if the light finds its way through the havoc of Hormones, and desires and turns on, one might think twice.
Marriage is not easy we all kn0ow that giving so much of yourself to another person, and sometimes you have to wait a long time before the other person learns how to give back, and of course raising kid puts so much pressure on the marriage, you wonder why you even wanted one, but there are many joys to that too. and there are doubts, does he or she understands me, am I on the right track, are we happy together, and they come to you one after another. I live only once, and do I want to spend the rest of my life with that bitch, or that bastard. There was a funny movie, kinda dark comedy ROSE V ROSE, where the wife tells her husband, " these days the sight of you , the smell of you, makes me physically sick", to one extent or another we all reach those points and then there are moments, that you look at her face, your eyes lock, and you know you do not want to get up in the morning and see another face in your bed. Marriage takes caring, and expressions, loving, touching, and most of all SPACE, and RESPECT.
The fact that you married me and accepted to live with me, every day of your life, has been a choice, not a trap. You can grow in any dimensions you need to personally, and our marriage should help you to do that. You are free, and you have been a gift to my life, I should learn not to take you for garuantted. A few years ago Kiana had a dance recital on school stage, I got to the hall where parents were, and I saw my wife, dressed in a beautifull Kaki color dress, all made up, with her long her, and the excuisitte profile, I looked at her and I know I fell in love with her again, telling myself, Man what else do you want. Yes it is good to remind yourself, that she or he is here of her own free will, and he or ahe could leave, and if she chooses to stay that is a gift and blessing to my life. We also give each other lots of space, she has her own friend, and I have mine, and we do share them, she has her own times,and I have mine. And I like her as a person, and respect her for her abilities, for her thrives, opinions and wants. Since Marjan started reading these pages we have been getting closer, she gets to know more of this man she married to, and we get to talk more, I even get to have tea more than I used to. If she sees me flirting (my favorite past time), she knows that the joy I get from it is healthy for me and our marriage, and vice versa. Do we have a perfect marriage, far from it, but we are committed to each other, and are working on it, no matter what, rain or shine. Am I flirting with faith, only God knows, but for now there is no other face I like to see next to me, before I fall sleep, and when I wake up, and I thank her whenever I can for choosing to spend every day of her life with me.
Posted by Idinraha at March 24, 2005 09:46 AM