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March 19, 2005
Reporting from the cemetery,..............
Last night they informed us that there would be a barriual and a ceremony for Dawood at a church in Ridgefiel, where he lived, This morning I suited up and with my father went to the church, it was nice to see the family and collegues, the mood was somber, but somehow it escaped me, I was not sad, or maybe I was trying to protect myself, I don't know, his wife was there and soon they brought in a caskette with him supposedly in it. It was nice being in a church, amongst lots of familiar faces, The chaplin had a short sermon, then his step daughter and nephew said a few words, we all sang Amazing Grace, and the chaplin told us we should not accet death, but pray to the God of living to keep Dawood in his grace. more than anything I kept having his face in my mind, smiling, jocking , peacefull, and i was observing, in a way that was my way to keep myself protected. Before we go inside, there was a bunch of gathering together in a corner, and we were all about the same age, so I asked" has every one taken their daily ASPIRIN today?", to which everybody laughed, and my cousin said" you guys better take good care of yourself ", and then he said," although Dawood used to take very good care of himself anf it did not buy him any more time.", well, the way I see it when your number is up...... there is nothing you can do. We also had a Moslem chaplin say prayers, and then we all stood up and prayed together for him, that's when I cried a little. My father was reluctant to go to the cemetery, I joked with him telling him, I am curious, I might find a piece of dirt land there that I might like to buy for my eternal rest. We ended up in the cemetery, the weather was good, there was the garve and they brought the caskette with him supposedly in it. and I thought to myself, it is so good that he is in a caskette, he would be alone, but at least not cold. I remember when I was five or six, I used to worry about the shoes that were left in the foyer at night, so before I went to sleep I used to sneak out and cover them with a cloth or a towel. while they were burring him, after I said a prayer, I asked Dawood to come to me in a dream, I have a lot to ask him, and I know he will.
last night after the kids fell sleep, while I was laying down between them, the first paragraph of the book came to me, so I went down stairs, wrote it as an Email, and sent it to Cyrus. You know you have to be patient with these things, you have to keep them in the back of your mind, while you go about your every day living, you let them simmer, and then they take their own shape and they come to you.
specially the first paragraph, you can not sit at your laptop and just write it, it takes time. This morning at the office, I had an email from Cyrus, he said it was interesting, and he had corrected the spelling and the grammer. I think he is a good fit for me as a collaborator, he writes mannuals and marketing forms for living, so he is good with formal structured writing, anf he usually does not have too many comments on the creative parts, yes I think it would be a good fit.
I do not think I have been myself for the last few days, I do not know why I am behaving the way I do, I feel very much detached, mostly observing rather than living my life, but I will be okay, we are going to the Norouz celebration tonight, it should be fun, seeing family and friends under a happier circumstances, eating good food, drinking a bit, and dancing, yeh, I will be dancing, and have good fun for me and maybe some for Dawood.
Posted by Idinraha at March 19, 2005 04:55 PM