Idinraha unshackled...

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April 30, 2005

Clearance Sale

I miss being arrogant, my brand of arrogance, walking in my store like a peacock. elegant and soft, dressed up, my voice in a hush, choice words on my tongue, making the sounds coming deeper from my throat. Light on my feet with muzings, fast with a joke, talking about almost anything but the object of the client's desire. and at the same time charming them, nice and warm, complimenting the ladies on their choice of hair colors, their shoes, like we were at a garden party rather than a store. showcasing my vast knowledge of art, music, humanity, bragging about my beutifull wife, and her expensive taste, my gorgeous kids, their latest troubles. getting in my Sean Connery accent lightly, misplacing my S's and T's, smiling, the feel that I had them in the palm of my hands so devilishly subtle they would never know, those were the days.

Never discussing price, eluding the answer by muzings and quiet chuckles, having them in heat of desire for what they saw, feeling their passion, and allowing them to purchase, what I had collected so carefully and discriminately, more of a privilige than a product. I miss those days, not only for their finincial freedom it afforded me, but the allowance of being on the stage, the audiance, and me feverish in my movements, my dance. After years of peddling, I had chosen to be the master of my domain, and it felt so good.

Life changes, I do not dress up any more,heck I would not even fit in most of my Armanis, and Zegna's. now it is mostly Corderoy pants and a sweater, a nice shirt purchased at Wallmart, or TG Max, Having to be more curteous, my dryed lips from kissing lower quality, not scented, not oiled asses. no foreplay, just a quick in and out, no passion, and dreaded, retched prices, sales and discount, the traqvesty of it, I feel in exile, out of my elements, out of my geography, like Frazer Crane, working in the local 711. Well have to accept and go on, waiting for those days to come back, I will fit again in my robes, I will be a bit more Grey, with a bigger belly, still jolly, and charming, it would be like riding Bycicles. but for now, wellcome to my Clearance sale.

Posted by Idinraha at 03:20 PM | Comments (2)

CYRUS, the great

I take a turn almost every month to write here about CYRUS, you have heard about him as my main MANCRUSH, MY MARBLE MAN, and THE QUIET STRENGTH BEHIND ME. He is all of that and more and I do owe him so much, his presence in my life, his simple way of loving me and the others in his life, his clarity of vision and logic, his goodness, kindness, and generosity has always amazed me. He is a loyal friend, and a constant giving mentor, and another blessing in my life. Next to my three lovelies he is the man I love and admire the most. Just by building this site and allowing me a voice here, and with such grace and comfort, such an ease , he has done so much for me, I am greafull to you MR keaton, I adore you and love you eternally.

If any of you enjoys this site, coming here listening to my bloated banter, and read my poetry, I want you to log on his site-CYCHO.NET, look around, you will see him, his beloved, lovely wife Mahnaz, his family and even a picture of me and My lovelies are posted there. and leave him a comment, my life is better because of him, and I am hopelessly devoted to him.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:23 AM | Comments (2)

Push Ups and Jack knifes

I left the store early yesterday, had to be home before six thirty, so we could all go together to Amin and Kiana's KARATE CLASS. They had a test to get their Gold Belts, and Marjan and I were anxious. When I got home Marjan already had my dinner on the table, everything on scheduall, she suggested I should not eat more than half of it, since it was a nice size portion, and My abundant belly would exude further. I listend, as I usually try to do. The women knows me too well, the other night I saw a lage storage plastic box by the door, and trying to be funny, I said" Marjan, what is this container doing here?!", She heard the mischief in my voice. " Sweet heart if you think I bought that to store your pieces after I get rid of you, you are wrong, I deffinitely need a much larger container for that", she said while laughing. The minute I open my mouth the woman knows where I am going, heh, AS the husband said in the movie MOON STRUCK, It does not matter, what ever you do they know about it.

Any way we made it to the Karate place, Akram was joining us over there to watch Amin and Kiana too. We were more nervous than the kids, we met the other parents and sat to watch. You see Kiana, has always been very natural in sports, Physical activities come gracefull and easy to her, just like Marjan, Amin on the other hand, is exactly the way I was, Two left feets and two left hands, and when we enrolled them in the class, we had no hope of him to stay and learn. But my little man, living the understated life he lives, surprised us again, he has exelled, and learned with such a feverish determination, he is not still as gracefull as Kiana, but he is good.

"What if Kiana gets her Gold belt and Amin does not, his heart would break", Marjan cried in my ears," don't worry love, he will get his, and if he does not, it would be good for him", I answered. The first four kids were called and as they were going trough their exam, Marjan whispered in my ears again" Oh my god, this is difficult ,I do not know if my kids can do that.". Then it was Amin and Kiana's turn with two other kids. And to our surprised they shined, Amin was a bit wobbley, but he came trough, and when their teacher asked Amin to lead the others in PUSH UPS, and Jack knifes. He did it beautifully, leading the others with his voice, loud and clear. There were tears in our eyes, our son can actually do ten GOOD PUSH UPS,without his big butt extyending up. Yes, life is good. after another half an hour of practice and exams, all the kids were called, standing in front of the teacher, to get his assesment of their progress.

Kiana was called first and she got her Gold belt, now Marjan and I were really on pins and needles, what if Amin does not get his gold belt. But he came through, and got his too, we both let out a sigh of relief.

As you all know we get to examine ourselves, and our worth through the accomplishments and progress of our kids. They are our extensions, living the live we never lived, aspiring higher, asking and getting more than we ever did. Long time ago, I was listening to another radio commentator, they had a survey done, asking parents, what was the best quality they wanted their kids to have over any others. surprising, No one had answered, that they wanted their kids to be GOOD, Good Peolpes. It is sad, we want them to be Doctors, and Lawyers, and make money and be happy, but we never concieve in our thoughts that we want them to be good, decent people.

Posted by Idinraha at 10:43 AM | Comments (2)

April 29, 2005

Untouchables in fragrant colors

In India the sun came closer
swallowing the fleeting shadows
beggar kids followed their hands
Stretched to Buddha, while she shopped
not looking back from her ginger cloth
that covered her sight, there was a hush
blowing atop of the bare trees that surrendered
to Ganjie, as a cow talked to the holly men.
Dalli, gasped, looking at the canvas, bewilder if the pain
that covered his misshapen lines was of hunger.

The China man grow taller, while whispering Japanese
In a cold calculated accent,as the hot metal poured
within the factory lines, he kept his Sony Walkman connected
roaming on his Bicycle, dreaming of a Chrysler, maybe a new stove
He looked at the tall buildings in Beijing, and did not refuse the
Dollar someone handed him, they were both new to him, both necessary
There were no tanks on the streets today, and the breeze in the air
dared him to go faster toward the market, the dollar bill still
heavy in his pocket

In Africa they are harvesting Daggers and watering them with blood
The taste of the white men still in the mouth of young women, feeling
So close to the soil of their land, raped, and left, and the stains that would
not wash, covering the field, the filth, the scents of the Blue sweat, vapor in air,
the young boy sold the condom his father gave him for his sixteenth birthday for green dollars,
FOUR green dollars, he was happy he would die young, like Africa, the dizzying GREEN AFRICA,
he hailed a cab going to the whore house. Four green dollars burning in his pocket.

Posted by Idinraha at 05:13 PM | Comments (5)

TGIF

Another week is going by, only to become a haze of memories we remember, of our lives and others we touch. Marjan amazed me again this morning by her vision, her reasons,patients, and love. I felt so little and so blessed, she opened the curtains and showed me the sun, the one in her eyes and in all her good intentions, Grace comes so easy to her,and so does elegance, and now more than ever, it's the clarity of her sight that takes me, and makes me fell so blessed that she spends all her nights and days with me, - My forever beautiful mermaid, who loves her one eyed Ghoul, and My love I am greatful more than I can express.

As much as I try, by living, reading and reaching, as much as I mask myself in pretencious postures of the beloved, I am still a man, and even as a father I do not gain the vision that she has in her intentions and the sweet mellodies of her hearbeats for our two lovelies, and I am bewildered of such knowing, such love and such devoution. I told her again yesterday, it's the wisdom in her that secures me, it's the love in her that allows me my trespasses, for I know, how to get back and I know I am wellcomed upon my many returns. Do not get me wrong my friends, I am not talking of infidelity, or broken promises, as many man with a healthy Libido I do lust after beautifull creatures of God, but only in my head, and the bind that holds me to her is far beyound the every day deciets of married men of my generation or any generations. GOD BLESS YOU MARJAN, YOU MAKE ME FEEL BRAND NEW, FOR GOD BLESSED ME WITH YOU. You are my home.

At LIVE LIFE, my Freydoon has given us the privilage of another sighting to his Island, his soul. and such a privilige, and such sighting, I am so happy for his allowance, for it makes me realise how little we know of each other, not that I have not probed, pushed and asked, that is what I do, but TIME is always of essence, there is always a right time for any experience, and it is time for fereydoon's Island, come , come and see, take your shoes off and linger for a while, you will be better for it.

Chey has dissapeared, hopefully somewhere in arms of her beloved, tasting the sweet nectar of togetherness and love, we all have vidited her on her new site, and left messages. I saw Ferry there, and Inasy, and SL. followed their traces in the sand, and enjoyed their words of wisdom. Now I have four Icon on my desktop, CYCHO.NET,Idinraha.com, Livelife, and Chey's Lounge. and I feel a kinship toward all of them, from my Mentor,Cyrus, to my friends Ferry and Chey.

fereydoon had left a comment that he knows of a software for my Farsi Poems, I would like to hear about it. And I like to thank him again for bringing new life to these pages. SL, is busy at work but she has promissed me more probing to my psyche, I can not wait. LiL sis maryam is busy with her new job, and three beauties. Fafar has been absent with her comments but I am sure she does read us loyaly, and so is Shahrzade, and even Mojgan, I have been told. MeTal is around and has written and posted two new poems on POETS.COM, CYRUS is traveling but I am sure he reads us when he gets a chance, he is also in process of rebuilding his new site, more power to you my main man, and eternal MANCRUSH. I wish you all the best for a glorious weekend, and hope to see you in my pages. LIFE IS GOOD.

Posted by Idinraha at 03:49 PM | Comments (1)

Washington Revisited

AS much I personally like Mr Bush, and admire him for his courages decisions, it is difficult to see him in front of the Michrophone. I think it's a family thing for the Bushies, they are not comfortable with the english language, and expressing themselves. To some extent I think is because they are not phonies, and in many ways very private people, I have much admiration for both Bushes, the Father and the son, and to some extent more for the son since he is not a pragmatist, and more of a visionery.

W knows that we do not try to fix the problem with Social Security now. there would be no more efforts made for another at least four to five years, and we all know we might not have another chance at it again. No time is better than now, I am not for the solution he is providing, but I admire him to bring the problem up and try to somehow come up with a solution. The media and the Democrats are doing what ever they can to demonise him and his efforts, as usuall no solutions is offered by them, they are just in for search and destroy mode. I guess what happened to their leader in Senate has not alarmed them yet, that people do not like abstractionists, and they do not like to be taken a fool either. the problem is that majority of people are so busy with their lives that the information they get is mostly sound bites by such demogauges like CNN< MSNBC< CBS, and most of the media in print and Television. I like to give them more credit though hoping they would see trough the smoke and the mirror of Democrats and the media.

Mark Levin, my Radio comentator of choice, has brought to our attention by publication of his book,MEN IN BLACK, how the tyrany of Judges have become Democrats anly hope to have any influence in our government. BY losing the white house two terms in a row, and no Majority in Congress, Judicial Systen has become their only bunker. By allowing the Judges to legistlate from the bench, we are disfranchising the power of the legistlative and executive branch, and weakenning the goverment of our Republic. Our Government is based on GOVERNMENT OF PEOPLE BY THE PEOPLE, Only our representatives, that are elected by us get to legistlate ,- Goverment of representation-. Appointed judges only get to rule within the laws that the legustlative body approves of based on he merrit and limits of our constitution. Judges are not elected by people and they have no right to legistlate from the Bench.

That is the main reason, they are blocking the up and down vote in the congress by the use of Fillibuster. Depriving Mr Bush to have the right that every president enjoy. By getting elected Presidents get to influence the Judicial system, and how the laws are interperted in our society. Mr Bush has earned that right by getting elected, and depriving him the appourtunity would deminishin the power of executive offices , and in turn it destroys the mechanism of the system of checks and balances in our government.

Senator Frist's offer to the leaders of democrats yesterday assures us that the republican do have the vote to start the nucliar option, and force the democrats to an Up and Down vote on all judicial nomenies. It is unfortunate to see Liberal republicans like McCain, Snow, and Cheifey, the so called Darlings of the Liberal Media have not joined the Republican efforts in getting the Bush's nomenies through the aproval process. But for the time being we seem to have to votes to force Democrats off their Abstractionist Fillibuster option.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:27 AM | Comments (3)

April 28, 2005

Gooseberry Patch

Well, Friend, I will praise the dear Lord with my
Singing.
I go out each morning looking for spices, and for a
glimpse of him.
I'll dance well in Hari's temple, you'll hear my
ankle bells.
I'll make castanets give out his name, and I'll cross
the ocean of this world.
What is this world? A patch of gooseberry bushes. It
catches us on the way to one we love.
The Great Snake Giridhar is Mira's lord; I'll sing
about him; then I will be home.

MIRABAI, ecstatic poems

Posted by Idinraha at 12:01 PM | Comments (0)

The Kiss.........................by Anne Sexton

MY mouth blooms like a cut
I've been wronged all year, tedious
Nights, nothin but rough elbows in them
And delicate boxes of Kleenex calling crybaby
Crybaby, you fool

Before today my body was useless.
Now it's tearing at its square corners.
It's tearing old Mary's garment off, knot by knot
And see--Now it's shot full of electric bolts.
Zing, A resurrection!

Once it was a boat, quite wooden
And with no business, no salt water under it
And in need of some paint. It was no more
Than a group of boards. But you hoisted her, rigged her.
She's been elected.

My nerves are turned on. I hear them like
Musical instruments, where there was silence
The drums, the strings are incurably playing. You did this.
Pure genius at work. darling, the composer has stepped
Into fire.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:51 AM | Comments (0)

The world is flat

Around Eleven O'clock last night, After the kids fell sleep, and Marjan had also retired for the night, I went down stairs, and watched Charlie Rose, on PBS. His guest was Thomas Friedman, the journalist that writes for NY Times, He was there to discuss his latest book, WORLD IS FLAT. For the next hour I was amazed by Friedman's assesment of his book, and his vision. WOW, I had never thought about our world the way he depicted it. The discussion was very logical, visionary and informative. I think , THE WORLD IS FLAT, is a MUST read for all of us, young and old, that live on earth, and raise families. It would show you a world the way you have never seen and thought about before. I think CYRUS would love it, since it depicts Internet as one of the biggest elements that has made this new world. I am going to buy the book, and I do feverishly recommend it to most of you, and anyone I know. I can see this book being thought in high schools, and colleges all over the world, making Mr Friedman the most progressive thinker of our generation.

Fereydoon my sweet heart of a friend has left us a message, about how this site has become too feminine. I beg to differ, we do have more female commentators, and visitors here. The only male comentators and contributors that we know of are Cyrus, Fereydoon, and I. Lets not forget that, I am still a man, I do tend to play different roles, and try to bring a more fresh, and different view of my experiences, by showcasing different parts of my psyche, but It is a male Psyche, believe it or not.

As I told you before, I was raised with nine beautifull Aunts very present in my life. As a child ahead of his class and classmate, and much younger than them, the smallness of stature did not allow me to be a playmate with guys in the field, I was just two samll at five years of age to play with seven years old boys in my class, so I was left out, and later on accepted and invited by the girls to become their playmates.

I love women, in every form and shape, to me they are all beautifull, and my wife does always say that I find beauty in every women I see.
THat is probably not as much by choice than by my nature. Remember we are all unique human beings, products of our upbringings and environments, and it is this uniqueness that makes each one of us special. I have also mentioned that I think to some extent my attraction to women, and my efforts to get noticed by them, and be loved by them beyond my physical attributes might have something to do with what happened to me when I was TWO years old.

When I was Two Years old, and the world was still round, my parents got seprated, due mostly to my beloved father's deciets. My mother left my father, and left me and my older brother with him. She only could take my younger brother since he was still being breast fed. I somehow also think in her heart of hearts she knew she had to come back, and leaving us with my father was her way of making sure of it.

The seperation took six month. They used to take me and my older brother to my mom for visits every week, and my mom says, that on those visits I used to sit next to her, hold her hand and just cry.
I was taken to a doctor, and the Doctor told my mother there is no physical problem with your child, he is just very depressed. My parents got back together again, although MY beloved(hehe) Grandfather had tried to bribe my mother by sending her to europe, if she left my dad. The funny thing is that my Beloved Grandfather was guilty of same deciets, and he has left many of scars in the psyches of his kids. Anyway, the world was never the same for me, it was never as safe as before, and I decided in early childhood that my only defence would be to act more adult than my age. I was a serious child with a big head, and not many smiles.

Well since in my head my mother had left me, I could not allow that to happen again with any women in my life. I was to be loved, no matter what. This manifested into me leaving many relationships with women in my life, mostly girl friends, before they could leave me. I used to think that I was not worthy of their attention, and I had to try harder. I never started a relationship, the girls I went out with usually had to take the first step, but I did finish many realationship without allowing them to grow. I still do not feel worthy of the love and attention my beautifull wife gives me, and feel so blessed being a husband and a father. still doubting my worth to them.

And I still can not get enough attention from women, I need it , I ask for it, not sex, not physical relationship, as long as I see them adorring me, thrilled by me, that is all. I do have love of a beautifull women at home, who knows she is safe with, and I never want to open my eyes to anyother face in the morning, or get to sleep looking at any other face at night but hers.
And in many ways, my curiosity into their world, using their voices in my poems is my way of having more of them in my life. In any ways I also feel it is not my feminie side, but my human side that appeals to women. So SHRINK LADY, what do you think, get in this discussion anytime you want and shed us some light.

So now I am sitting here naked, well, I know, I am trying to lose some weight, if it bothers you concentrate on the face, specially my eyes, I am most naked in there

Posted by Idinraha at 09:40 AM | Comments (6)

April 27, 2005

Jav talking

Nothing like a good sweat to finish the day, just came back from the Gym, half hour of Cross Training, and half hour of boxing, I look like a MIllion Rial, about $12 dollars,. filling on water Chey spilled here. I have to thank Ferry for the new friends, they seem to like it here, and they have been very kind with their remarks, Dont mind Chey she is harmless, just curling up in the corner, and now we also have another Doctor in the house, SHRINK LADY, so behave, on theother hand, no do not behave, do whatever you like, just clean up after yourselves. INASY is another friend from Ferry's site, she is an accomplished writer, please read some of her comments, she writes the way I hope to write someday, she was absent today, and we will wait for her return.

Ferry has asked me about my Persian Poetry, and have suggested that I should post them here, I asked my MAIN MANCRUSH, the quiet strength behind me, CYRUS, he did not seem to know of an easy way to do it. If any one of you know of any software that would allow us to do it within the parameters that Cyrus, and Moveable Type would allow ud, I would love to hear about it. As you know I love the spot light, and I am as shamesless in my FARSI poetry that I am in my english ones. I had tried it before by login on POSTCHI.COM. they have a window that you write your Farsi poem with english Alphabets and then they give it to you in FARSI. I have sent Ferry a few of them, if he has them and sent them to me I can try to upload. It is a good idea since I have readers in Iran that also log on, and they might find it reffreshing.

Fereydoon is back, he has left me a few comments, one in particular is very funny, SUCH OFFERING, he is so worried about me, and my Physical attributes. Ferry has a beautiful piece posted on LIVE LIFE, his site, and I have left him a poem written exclusively for him. Check them out. MeTal my friend and comrade from POETS.COM is also back, we missed you MeTal, what about writing us another RANT. SHRINK LADY has left us some insightfull comments about the hidden reasons behind my habit of wearing sexy women panties with frills, thats SL, please shed more lights, and CHEY, our new PERCOCIOUS friend, the restless soul that she is , has been roaming around, and if you saw her curling up in a corner, don't trip over her, and let her rest. Her comments are funny and shameless, the way we like it.

I am happy to report that under firm and devoted supervision of Marjan, my two lovelies, Amin and Kiana have been attending FARSI schools on SUNDAYS. And last night Kiana showed us that after five sessions, she can actually read complex farsi sentences, far ahead the rest of the class, thats my girl, and God bless Marjan for all the blessing she brings to my life.

Posted by Idinraha at 05:20 PM | Comments (4)

Songs of crow

Biya ta gol barafshanim o may dar saghar andizim,
Falak ra saghf beshkafim o tarhi nou darandazim,

Come, lets drown in flowers, and fill our glasses with wine
and then Cut the skys and bring us a new order.

It is so hard to translate, the molds are too tight, or loose, the alphabets do not fit, and the emtions do not stick, just read it, and let me come trough, It is about LOve, and what else id there, it is about elation, wanting, that elusive energy splashing within your skull, and flowing out, that reaching, loving, lets just stop right now, get together and hug each other, lets think of impossibles, and do them, lets love, just love and no more emotions but love, and loving. it will get us trough, it will

Posted by Idinraha at 03:46 PM | Comments (1)

Growing, hopefully up

M: I like it here,
I; I know but you have to get off
M; NO, NO, stumping his feet, I have too much fun with the others here
You can not do this to me, we have had so much fun , with me feeding you, and you feeding me.
I; But I can not carry you anymore, I feel ugly with you arould, I feel guilty, I can not reason myself in to keeping you.
M; You can not do this, you will miss me, you need me, and you know it, why the sudden guilt, we have grown together.
I; I know, but I have never been comfortable with you, where you stand, I have outgrown you, I am a better man, I am a father, I need to do this.

I put him down, he was holding on, but then I pushed him and he was off.
M; You will want me back, you need me
I; No I don't, not anymore.

Posted by Idinraha at 02:02 PM | Comments (0)

when Gable met Bronson

I got up this morning with my sweet Kiana, curled up snuggling against me, so I held her tight, she is sweeter than life, I held on to her for a while, recharging my life batteries, with Marjan sound sleep, it was nice getting up between two beautiful girls............
Afterward, I made my way to Amin's room, my big POOH BEAR, he was splayed on his bed, sleeping, I slipped in and held him the way he likes, with my arms around his back, under his arms, coming up so I hold his hands in mine,and got some more LOVE from him, such an allowance, ................................

Finding my face in the Mirror, the beard looks good, black and white, the chin gets some prominance with the beard covering it, the hair unkempt, sleep still holding my joints, and all the rest I had last night had made my face puffy, aging gracefully Mr Ahmadi?, I asked myself and then I heard the guy in the mirror says, WHO CARES ? , my mouth still a bit bitter from the cigars I smoked yesterday, I brushed my teeth, washed my face took another look, it was like the CLARK Gable in me, somehow had found CHARLES BRONSON in the mirror, and was surprised, but eh, I checked my girlish figure, the excercise is helping to keep the soft flesh a bit firmer where it should be, my belly was not extended out, and all the lines were where they should be. I was not feeling pretty , the way I always do, but content.

I did my morning prayer, found me new silk panties(SHRINK LADY,I could see you shake your head) and socks from the drawer, a clean shirt, my Gym geras, and got out, On the way out, I saw Amin up, got another bear hug, and a wet kiss on the lips, oh those lips, they take my breath away, sometimes I wonder how long he would be inclined to do that still, my growing boy, and all those greedy lips that would replace my place on his lips, eh, life goes on. " be nice to your Mom, and sister", I asked him as I was closing the door behind me.

called my dad, my mom picked up the phone, there has been another casualty in the family, but I had never met him, and he is a far far relative, felt sorry for his mother, wife and Kids, and my mom reminded me, how the girth of my brothers, and I, is a daily worry for her, I did not need to hear that, specially after what happened in the bathroom earlier with Mr Gable, and Bronson.

" well mom, my chollestrol is 130, my BP is good, I excercise every day, and thanks to my daily intake of PAXILL cr (yummy), I am mostly in good mood, and my beautiful wife tries very hard to watch my intake, and mom, I am still the lightest one between my brothers", I protested, trying to calm her down. and for a second I thought , I should not have said, that, I am messing with Faith now, and treading the tight thin rope. " Hazelnut Coffee Regular", I said, trying not to be conscious of my voice, and was greeted with my pretty coffee girl, smiling, and the other ones waving in the background, nothing like being a LEGEND, at your local DUNKIN DONUT shop. Mr Gable was happy, but Mr Bronson, barked somthing while rolling his eyes.

picked up my dadd, said good morning, and he grawled back, he is not too happy with me these days, but he can not say much since if he does, I will stop picking him up in the morning, and that would drive him, and my MOM both crazy, having to look at each other all day. so he does not say much but he gives me attitude generously all day. you see he has a different view of Father/son relationships, and since he has scared me for too long, that whatever I do to him, my son will do to me, I AM VERY CAREFULL, we kinda tolerate each other, and sometimes I wonder if he felt the same way kissing me on the lips, when I was a kid, and if he did, does he remember. I know that argument would get me nowhere, just more and more GUILT, so I shoke my head, kept my eyes on the road, and listened to IMUS IN THE MORNING, while I drove.

Once in the store, I turned on the laptop, got to the site, and WOW, I had so many comments, I was so pleased, I think I even saw Mr Gable, and Bronson hugging eac other, and opened a bottle of champaigne, Blissimo, it seems my visitors still love me, they really love me. LIFE IS GOOD !

Posted by Idinraha at 09:40 AM | Comments (1)

April 26, 2005

"Written on the Body"

Well found my way to the Gym this morning, looking for some release, It's been a few days now that my panties bunch up and get stuck in my nether regions, I feel so captured, feverish and restless, I know I should get bigger panties, but It would not make that much difference, and my nether regions like the closeness and the attention.

I do feel overwhellmed, like somone inside is banging against the walls, reaching and trying to get out. Debbie my red hair mermaid of a friend, got me some more Paxill, I owe her big, she is not much into poetry, otherwise I would have given her a poem. I owe you pal.

I was up late last night trying to see if I could catch another episode of LAW&ORDER, Criminal Intention, the one with Vincent Donofrio as the main lead. I love his character, and his tiks, manerism, he looks so intelligent and so damaged, I enjoy him a lot.
about 1;15, I was on the computer, checking the blogs, and found Chey's site, and left her a message, then went upstairs to sleep, woke up about three, short of breath, got up went downstairs, I guess no rest for the wicked, eh. this morning Amin woke me up at six, he needed me to help him with a drawing assignment. afterward, got upstairs, Ironing my shirt, Marjan was up, we talked for a while, the way married couple do, and I enjoy it a lot when we get in bed and just talk, just me and her. I still do not know why she puts up with all my craziness, maybe I should accept that she loves me, she does.

We had a ball over LIVE LIFE, yesterday, me and the ladies, the way I like it, CHEY, INASY, and SL, left little nuggets for each other, some funny, some poignant, Ferry is away, so we got to play, they are a fun crowd. Cyrus is away, no comments from him, Metal has been reading but not many comments, Fafar left us one yesterday, YES sweet Fafar, you will always be my friend, My S&M Nymph. the sotre is quiet, business sucks, but I have Ayn Rand to wrestle with and ATLAS SHRUGGED, it should be fun.

I have a very high recomendation for a book, WRITTEN ON THE BODY, by Jeanette Winterson, what can I say about it, I have read many books since I was seven years old, and loved many of them, but this one is MAGICAL, love strory so passionate, that it reaches you and hurts you good, look it up find it and read it. It is not a sort of thing that a man might like but LADIES, DO NOT WALK, RUN FOR IT.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:48 AM | Comments (17)

April 25, 2005

Sorrows of Serpents................for Sepideh, and Mary

It took her a long time
To accept her sorrow,
and learn how to nurture it
Within her bones.

It some how became the
Reason to validate her daily chores
And the endless steps of the hours, it
was as much hers, as her face, her eyes,
Her afternoon walks, or the pudding
she liked after her dinner

She became aware of
How it has engulfed her
so present, as she brushed her hair
lining her eyes, knowing that as long
as she passed it by, not standing, or staring
It would not tear her apart, as it just
nibbled on her in accepted aches

But at night
The clarity of it
laid over her, like a
Fog, finding a blue corpse
hovering over her colorless face,
crawling the lenght of her skin, echoeing
in her head, like a faint sound of a Music box
At a Fair, playing forever in the distance.

Posted by Idinraha at 05:02 PM | Comments (8)

Fields of Lavander

I just wrote a very sad poem, SORROWS OF THE SERPENT, oh, it is so cold and bare, it made me ache by the time it was finished,then I had to thighten it a bit, and that is lots of fun, sometimes the pain in these pieces scare the hell out of me, and I do not go back to them for a while.

Why we do what we do, and the answer is; because we need to, like a mountain climber that when asked why he climbs the mountain and he said; Because it is there. These poems come to energise me, as bare and cold that they are. they point at the geography of my being and my dislocation, od the elements that engulf me, and push me further to go. I used to look at them as Diary of my days,but they are more than that since there is no stop and go, they flow deep and I only come to recieve them within their ebbs and flows. It is this living , the memories and the knowings that sip inside quietly and get to roam and rule the land they overtake. My mother used to say you were born a few centuries too late. and i used to woder how much she knew.

Let it be a field of lavanders, let it be where it could as long as we get to wonder, follwing the wind, as we go running after the voices. Oh how happy a day would find me in a field somewhere beyound
these roads and maps, outside nowher, standing on a wooden porch of a wood cabin greeting the sun, while the fields of lavander dance in the wind, and the beloved calls me in for tea.

Posted by Idinraha at 04:48 PM | Comments (2)

Notes to each other................By Hugh Prather

To love you deep and well is not to agree with you
On all occasions or to say yes to every last whim or
To ignore my own needs, even the selfish ones.

It is to be keeper of your goodness, the one who
Never forgets who you are and where you are going.

It is not an appearance, an anxious effect, a set of
Silly courtesies, or some romantic posturing.

It is to choose the vision of my soul, which can
Never fail to see your deepest longings.

It is the great and final decision that you are as
Innocent now as the hour you were born.

Posted by Idinraha at 01:33 PM | Comments (2)

Worth repeating.....................sent by Hossein

Never buy a car, you can't push.

Posted by Idinraha at 01:28 PM | Comments (0)

Mira Is Jasmine

To love a Yogi, O sister, is to love only sorrow.
He murmurs sweet words while he is with you,
Then forgets and departs.
For the Yogi, a sprig of Jasmine
Is easily plucked, easily dropped.
Mira says to her lord, bring back your beauty.
When I can't see you, that absence knifes open my
heart.

- MIRABAI, ecstatic poems

Posted by Idinraha at 01:20 PM | Comments (0)

Sammy, Kiana's Black dog

I fell better, nothing better than an hour of cross training, boxing and lifting weights while watching beautifull women around you, flirting, teasing, it really brings out the best in me. It helps my mood, and make me feel better about myself. My dea LD came through, buying me the book, ATLAS SHRUGGED, by Ayan Rand, I can't wait to dive in, and chew on it. under pretence of thanking her I also got a kiss, hey we do what we can.

I left a comment on LIVE LIFE, trying to start up a discussion, Ferry is missed over there, but we will wait patiently till he returns. Kiana has replaced me in her sleeping ritualls with a big Black stuffed animal, a dog called Sammy, I am crushed but hey life goes on, and I am sure once she grows up I will have to put up with the other kind of Dogs in her life. Amin is changing, he has lost weight under supervision of my delicious wife Marjan, and her daily excercise regimon last week, he is also getting taller, and capable of throughly unbelievable Bear Hugs for his daddy. We celebrated Soosan's birthday last night over my Mom's house. I gave her two books, BRIDGE ACROSS FOR EVER, and Dr Laura's GUIDE TO FEEDING YOUR HUSBAND, Soosan is married to my brother Hossein and he is udernourished!!!, Maryam, LiL sis starts her new Job today, I advise her to leave her Pit Bull attitude home, and be her charming self, and good luck.

I try to post some new poetry here for you, please read INSAY's comment that was left for me yesterday, it is beautifuly written, heartfelt, and spiritual. now I better get my butt on the floor, and earn a living.

Posted by Idinraha at 12:59 PM | Comments (0)

Kafka, John Malkovich, and my head

I opened my eyes this morning, still all tingles and so elated by all the kind comments I had recieved yesterday. CHEY, MY SWEET SOUL, IT WAS MORE THAN A GULP FROM YOUR PAIL, you filled me body and soul with such generousity, that words fail me. I am charmed, and taken by your daring expressions.

I tried to get up, but I could not, I mean I was able to bring down my legs to the floor, but it was my head, I could not lift it, I tought maybe a stroke, or some kind of malady, but then I noticed how my head had expanded, it had coverd most of my pillow, and encrouched to the other side of the bed. I thought of KAFKA, and thanked god, that I have not been turned to a Roach. I called my wife, " MARJAAAAAAN, sweet heart, I need help here". Before you know it she showed up at the door, with Kiana and Amin in towe. They all looked at me, Kiana shrieked, "Daddy what happened to you". Amin was aghast, but Marjan was laughing her heart out. Kiana yelled, " MOM, why are you laughing, he needs help". Marjan Calmed her down, she had a camera ready and took a picture, and said" I was ready for this, Kiana, after reading Idinraha.com, last night, I knew this would happen, just calm down.", she came over me with a needle in hand still giggling. " do not wory kids, I have done this before, never had seen daddy's head so big, but its okay.". She punched my head witht the needle in three places, right where my EGO is and my head started to shrink. Only that woman knows how to bring me down.

After Marjan and the kids left, I recited in loud voice to myself, "Javad you are fat man, not very good looking, you are middle age, you can not spell words to save your life, you are a reluctant faillier as a business man, you have a snake as a tongue, you suck in bed, you brain is medically alltered, you are a deppressed poet wannabe, with a 60 mg a day PAXIL CR (I am still looking for some )drug habbit, you are scared of flying,you are scared of heights, you have MOMMY issues, WOMEN ISSUES, Gender issues, sexuall issues, two of your brothers do not talk to you, you are missguided politically, you love George Bush, you are a conservative( that did really hurt),you have MANCRUSHES, YOU adore Dick Wolfe, you are smaller than most men you know( that was bellow the belt), you are a midnight walker, chocolate monger, who lusts after any pretty face you see, you owe money to your dad, and most of your suppliers, you barely could support your family, you still can not shave, you write about your breasts, you are scared of flying( she had said that already ), and the only blessing in your life is your beautifull, loyal wife, who is stuck with you, and pittys you,and two addoring kids, because they do not know any Better.".

By this time my mouth had foamed, and I was tired, I already felt better, my head was back to its actual size, and I felt as normal as I usually do. then I thought , " I should have a talk with Cyrus this is getting too much, he should know I can not take compliments and that.... CHEY, I should tell her somethin", then while I was leaving the room I continiued, " no showers for you, just go to the GYm, and then go to work, you waisted so much time this morning.". I was a bit black and blue with a bit of deflation mark where my EGO is inside my head, but I was back, ............SHOW TIME.

IF YOU DO NOT HAVE IT, GET ONE, I am talking about DIDO's second CD, it has been such a good companion to me, the music is great, the Lyrics are out of this world, and all the songs are the best of their kind. so get yourself one and enjoy it, Also SADE's last album, out of this world sisters, a little treasure. WINTER SOLSTICE is another little movie, that is getting the raves out there, if you get a chance, go watch it. it's about a man and his reationship with his sons, If only KING Lear, or RICHARD THE LION HEART , could see it , it would have saved them many heartaches.!

Shrink Lady, Pleeeeeease, be a pal, take them off, let us appriciate you inside an out, we try to be gentelmanly and you will be so much better for it. Inasy, sister you can write, the comment you left took my breath away, and I am greatfull for the knowing you allow us, you both, please consider writing a rant for us, and CHEY, after what you left me, I think I LOVE YOU, you know in a poetic way. you are FAB. MeTal has a new poem posted on Poets.com, which I enjoyed reading at midnight, and left her a comment.

Only if Kafka had a wife like Marjan. LIFE IS GOOD

Posted by Idinraha at 09:00 AM | Comments (16)

April 24, 2005

Hope springs eternal

Lets not be down on ourselves, we are the best of our kind, we are the best of any kind, WE ARE THE BRAVEST FOR WE KNOW THAT WE DIE YET WE CHOOSE TO LIVE, as Oscar Wilde says. we greet the sun every morning and the promise of a new day, and we rest in sleep every night with eternal optimism within us, we live, we fall in love, we chose , we accept, we lose and we cry, we grieve, and remember, we do not let go, we keep, holding on to all we can, we forgive, and forget, and yet we get up every day to do it all again. We persue, we find, we progress, we develope , we evolve, and want and ask for more, and more again, we leap, and jump, and surpass the limits, we stand in the boxes, and yet we break out again, we knoe we love, we hope, and forever we last.

Posted by Idinraha at 03:25 PM | Comments (1)

The word is dead when.........

"The word is dead when it is said, some say, but I say it begins to live that day", -Emily Bronte

I got a card from my teacher, I was probably seventeen, enrolled in NY at Spanish American Institue, away of learning more of english language and extending my Visa, before my clsses staretd in September. and my teacher was nice enough to give me that card, she knew I was interested in writing, and on the cover of the card, was drawing of two hands, drawing each other, very creative.

The emotions register in our minds, wired to action in different form, and then the files open words are chosen to fit those emotion, depending on the depth of the intentions and theri direction, their jest, their reach, the voice box comes to life, and through the mechanism of your moving tongue, the space it ocopies, and the usage of air, sounds comes out, in love, in hate, in sympaty, and then they are heard and through more complex mechanism of hearing they are bundled with your body language, the reach of your eyes and then they are matched against the words that are present in the listeners mind, they become extention of our wants and desire.

We connect, we come across, we join, and meet within such excercise. The lovers get to woe the beloved, passion have risen buy it, wars have started, peace have been achived, hearts have been broken. By extentions and reach of words. And yes they do become to live that day, they stay, they become memories, and sometimes they are so hard to be errased again. We teach these words to our kids, we make them their tools of expressions, and they get to make their lives around them, words.

My mother always used to tell me, " you should have the Camel troat, you should taste your words chew on them before you set them free." she also used to tell me " Javad, your red stinging tongue, would be the ruin of your green mind", she used to warn me, to be carefull, and I have not. Being a SCORPIAN, I am vicious in my expression when I want to, and as My Beautiful wife Marjan says," You always go for the Jagular, and cut so deep". For a usually mild manner man who can be charming, and allow the sweet nectar of his love to flow so easily,
I do become the one eyed GHOUL, and cut the beloved to pieces, with the same tngue that I had been so effective to woe the same beloved.

I am not bragging, but I am a good friend, and a bad enemy. Always extreme, in all I do, in loving and in hating I devour, and chew, and cut the morsels to dust, and spew poison if I am pushed. I am not bragging, it is nothing to bragg, just a man in persuit of bettering himself by showcasing his faults, and trying to learn. It seems for reasons you might know and yet you might not, I do fail in my quest more often than I should, and I am not happy about it. So I try and try again, and then I will some more.

In writing these pages I come to have a dialogue with you , but mainly with the demons in me, I get to point out my shortcomings, and encourage myself to extend my efforts further. For I know I can be a better man, and that is what i do expect from me.

Well, MeTal is back with words of encouragements, love and forgiveness, Fereydoon has forgiven me my moments of cruelty, and Cyrus as always has nothing but calrity of his honest thoughts for me, I am greatfull to all of them and all of you as I have tried your patients and have always asked for more. Chey our new friend, seems to be as shameless and generous with her words, and has left us two beautifull comments, We are so much better for having you here CHEY. and your spills nourish the soil we tread on, so tell us more, and I extend an invitation to you to write us a GUEST RANT, what ever your heart desires, we have no boundries here, as my friends already know, push us, dare us, open a new window, and tell us we will be charmed and taken by it, and we can not wait.

Fereydoon is going to be away for a few days, attending his friends and family, I will leave comments for him on his site,( believe me, he asked), and I wish all of you visit his site, and give back a bit of so much he has given us. and thanks again for putting up with me.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:14 AM | Comments (1)

April 23, 2005

Appology

well, I hereby like to appologise to all my friends and visitors, specially, FEREYDOON, MeTal, and CYRUS. I guess I am still rather immature in my sensibilities, and have a lot to learn. I should have listened to CYRUS when he warned me at the begining, I did not and I deserve the punishment. It has never been my intention to missguide, or missuse my friends here, and I would put a stop to my mischievous practice of role playing. I hope in time you all forgive me, and allow me the lesson that has been learned.

with much love and respect,
Idinrah, and Javad

Posted by Idinraha at 03:01 PM | Comments (2)

A dislocated soul,

I am shaken inside, and feel so little, the tingles in my hands, the ache in my leg muscles, I am hurtin, but that happens, it always does, God bless Debbie, the beautifull Red Haired Mermaid, that brought the sanity to me in little morsels, Kindness of strangers, and such blessings, in every form. I need a hug, a big bear hug, I was telling one of my friends, he is so lucky, being a christian with churches in every town, he could take solace, walk in, and pray, make a new connecction, renew, get energy, cry and get some release. I know I could go too, but to a native brown boy like me churches are too fussy, they have seats, and bare floors, I miss the mosques, the simpleness of the ones I remember, just four walls, and rugs on the floor, with people all bare feet sitting, praying, kneelig, while their mouthes move and they repeat the words within the sanctury of their heads.

I miss the human smell of the mosques, the informality of it, that is the way GOD's house should be, simple of all the earthly things, leaving room for spirits to roam. CHEY called me the other day, " the Bazar Boy ", and I like it, it made me realise who much I am the product of those settings, those crowded streets and alleys, how attached I am to the odors of livings that so freely came to life there. that hot son, dry and soothing, the SOUND OF AZAN, in the middle of the day, or at Ramazan, at the middle of the night with my father, the biggest man I knew, standing in his white undershirt on the Blacony, with his hand behind his ears, and calling the words, all the expressions of a religion that had sipped into our culture so effortlessly.

The smell of the soil, apread in the air, my town, my alleys and streets, midnight passages through the dark alleys of Shimran, when my cousins and I would go for AHYA, the midnight gatherings of moslems at the Mosques, the heat of the bodies sitting next to us, the crowd, the safety of being amongst your own kind, your people, using the same tongues, and the familiar sounds of your language, and how I left all of that almost thirty years ago, and never went back.

It takes a while for us refugees of TWENTIETH Century, to find ourselves here, and accept the bareness, the solitude and the silence of living in this land. No matter how long we live here, it is not of ours and it will never be, so we get to accept it, but it is living in PURGATORY, it is the big wait, it is not real, for all we know of REAL, has come from our knowings there. So we wait, eating our breads and chocolate, some of us accept easier, change our names, find new identities amongst the unfamiliar ALPHABETS, and assimilate. Some never let go, not that they do not want to, they can't. That life, that land has so become a part of us, and so fully has filled all our senses, that there is no room in our Psyches.

During my first decade here, I stood away from anything that brought memories, like a defense mechanism, to protect me, and never went back, since I knew if I did, I will never return. I accepted the shadows, the voices, the dreams that followed me even when I was awake. A man without his homeland, does not have much, so everything became a wait, an anticipation of where life would take me, hoping it would be there, and yet I stayed. My mother is always surprised at how much I remember, the usage of the old words in my language, words that sometimes even she would not remember, but that is where I live, inside the sanctuary of a life lived and rememberd, and remembering the details became as sacred of a rituall as it could be, holding on to. remembering, like a roadmap that I was convinced would take me back, like a map of my being, my existance the way I needed it to be.

So I have kept the identity intact, my only salvation, my only road to me, my being, my sanity, and the longing that is ever present, and also has become a part of me, and my dislocated soul.

Posted by Idinraha at 01:40 PM | Comments (1)

The Cuckoo Calls a Beloved Who Comes

Cruel cuckoo,
Did you suddenly remember the season only
to hurt me ?
I slept in my house, at last I slept-
Then you cry: " Beloved, Beloved!"
Salt to a wound, Saw-blade cutting my heart.
You perch on your branch in a high tree, singing
Of love full-throated,
And Mira wakes remembering she is alone.

-MIRABAI, Ecstatic Poems

Posted by Idinraha at 01:30 PM | Comments (0)

Worth repeating..............sent to me by Hossein

If you can not be kind, at least have the decency
to be vague.

Posted by Idinraha at 01:26 PM | Comments (0)

Cat fight, and pissing contest

Marjan my wife has always been my greatest source of Sanity, as Hyper and impulsive as I am, she is quiet, more reserved and a great source of stability in my life. She has seen me through thick and thin(mostly thick these days) and has loved me. So last night at the dinner table, we talked about the whole BITCHY side of me, and I am here to report; " You are ruthless man, and when you cut you cut from the roots, you are going to be left a lonely old man" she said lovingly. I tried to push further, and asked her why do I do what I do?, after twenty years of knowing me, she probably knows about the adult Javad more than any body else, and as a curios child that I am, I wanted to know. " Well love, you do have lots of issues, many hang ups, in relationship with women more than anything else, since you never had a close relationship with your mother, that has effected you through out your life", she said, Hmm, I thought, well I knew that, but I was ready for something more. " as an intelligent person you get bored with Normalcy, and need to search further", she continued. " why do you think is that I use a women's voice in my poetry? " , I asked. " well, actually that's the most sane part of you, in a way you know of your short comings and need in that department and you put an effort into it. I love your poetry it is the best part of you.",she said. Then I asked her to look into my rant and comments yesterday, and tell me her opinion, she did, and said," sugar it's a turf war, boys trying to fight to set their territories, your friend has his site now, you have left long comments for him, and as over bearing and abnoxious as you can be, your enthusiasm for spot light has gotten the best of you, not realising that you are encrouching on some one elses territory, that 's what you have done with your brothers, and your friends all your life, you can not resist it, it has to be about you all the time." she said.

I know she is right, she always is the way wifes and mothers are, clear as a bell. I am over bearing, and abnixious, and I can not resist the glare of lights, I did the same thing to Cyrus, when I found his site, leaving him what he jokingly called a TOMAR, afterward he reminded me that " let me do the saying" and then he opened this site for me. " you guys are worse than women, as KHALE ZANAK, AS THEY COME. HE HAS BEEN AS CHILDISH AS YOU",Marjan added. well that made me feel a bit better having a partner in crime. and that is the way the conversation ended up with Kiana getting in the middle, asking for the spot light.

Funny, I just recieved an email, from Cyrus, he has left me a comment about CONFESSION's rant," Do you know the difference between confessions and Bragging ?", he has asked. " I guess not", I answered.
Well, he is also one of the most sensible people I know, and I am lucky that i have these two in my life, for guidence and learning.

Marjan also brought to my attention that my friend had asked me not to mention his name and write about him anymore in one of his comments, somehow I had not seen that, but we will do according to his wishes, and leave him be.

LiL sis, Maryam is back, from a vacation with her three lovelies, she took the time last night and has read everything she missed, now that is love and dedication, and has enjoyed my sick sense of humor.MeTal is AWOL, I can not reach her even on POETS.COM. I do miss her here and also on POETS.com. Since she has been a great source of inspiration in my Poetic adventures. We do have three new visitors, and thank God they are all women, they have found us, in our DISTURBINGLY FRESH period, I hope they can forgive my childish temper, and visit often.

so let the lights glare, and let me, do another strip tease for you, I invite you to read CHEY'S COMMENT, about HUGH PRATHER, it's sensetive, poignant and beautifuly written comment, incidently Mr, Prather's note, is about BRAGGING. Life is such a wonder and again thanks to my main man, and guardian Cyrus, I am elated to share all this with you.

Posted by Idinraha at 10:15 AM | Comments (0)

April 22, 2005

I am a Bitch, aren't I

Well, in my exploration of women, and their attitudes toward life, their pain, and joy, I have come across that certain BITCHY quality that only a women can practice to its fullest extent, and by now you know, that I have been able to capture some of that jest, and you have seen my BITCHY side. So, how do you like it?!

I am good, and you know " Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned ", so be carefull, and dont mess with me, sorry , I know I do get carried a way. BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE GET OVER YOURSELF !,( you know who I am talking about), GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE, and do away with this HOLLIER THAN THOU attitude, life is too short, and by now most of you know that there is no malice in me, it is just my brand of humor, and if you can not stand the heat, TAKE YOUR CLOTH OFF.

Fereydoon has given us a bit more of the air he breathes up there, in scorching comments, which should not be read for those of you that like to see life from an easier side, and if you dare to read them, full formal attire is requested. I HAVE COMMENTED ON HIS COMMENTS, and since I did read his comments in the buff, I am a bit Black and Blue all over, so beware, and avoid it if you are scared of hights or suffer from VERTIGO.

We have three new friends here Courtesy of LIVE LIFE, my embattled friend Fereydoon's site, I met them there and they have been kind enough to visit us here, and they might find us REFRESHINGLY DIASTURBING, I HOPE THEY BRING THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR WITH THEM, and leave their thin skins way over there. One is a WRITER, one is a SHRINK, and CHEY, seems to have experienced life very freely , at least that is the way I feel from her writing, she is a bit BOHEMIAN,
wellcome all of you and I hope you visit often.

The kids spent the morning with me, since they are off from school, we had breakfast together at their favorite DINER, then we made a trip to TOYS R US, and they got to buy whatever they wanted with their own money. then Kiana and I downloded Itunes, on the computer and she got to BURN her first CD. My wife picked them up half an hour ago.

Cyrus has been generous with his comments and as funny as they come, I suggested to him that he should think about WRITING COMEDY, and he laughed. I am enjoying our latest adventure more than I should but hey that's who I am, every thing for me is a BLESSING.

For my new friends here I do recommend reading DEBUTANTES, ODE TO MY BREASTS, one of my early poem which I am very proud of . there would be a test on it next week.

Posted by Idinraha at 03:58 PM | Comments (1)

April 21, 2005

Confessions

A few month ago I was home sleepless at midnight, so went to the office we have at home, turned on the laptop, and tried to post a rant
to my surprise, I was not able to since I had only downloaded the MOVABLE TYPE at my laptop at work. So I decided on a whim to create a character, a new persona, which would allow me to leave humorous comments on my own site, and that is how FATHER HOMER BENT was created, as you know when posting a comment you have to leave a true webb adress, so I used the email of one of my friends as the webb adress.

The next day Cyrus called me about FHB(father homer bent), and asked if I know the email adress that was left, since he has full control to most everything on my blog, I confessed to him, he said surprisingly, "WOW NOW YOU CREATE A NEW CHARACTER, THATS NUTS", my answer was that FHB would allow me to critisize myself with humor, and bring something disturbingly fresh to the site. He did not seem to understand or accept my reasoning, but as nice as he is he went along with it. I brought FHB back a few more times when I thought it would showcase a different point of view, and of course with humor. Cyrus was not happy with it and thought it is decietfull to my readers.

As a writer, or someone trying to dare to those heights, I need to write, I do not know if you have seen the movie QUILLS, about a writer that was so obsessed with writing that when he was deprived of pen and paper, he used his feces, and at some point even his blood to write. Not as obsessive but I take great joy in doing what I do, and as an Artist, if I dare to call myself one, I am allowed to take my artistic freedom to any level I wish to. last time I checked , we are still leaving in AMERICA, and this is a free society that pays a high price even to my dismay at some points for FREEDOM OF SPEECH, and people of my tribe, Artists through out the ages have excersized such freedom even in closed societies. It is like breathing to us, and I would not be surprised if many of you do not understand.

I have had some disagreement with Cyrus about my style of writing and his right as my friend not wanting to be included in my flights of fancy, or humor, I think that is his loss but I have enough respect for him, and value his friendship enough to stay away from what he does not want. I am too much, I push too much, I dare too much, at my own expense first, but that is who I am and that is my style. Marjan My wife did not like some of my writing about her, and asked me and I listened, Fafar on the other hand has been generous enough to put up with the most of my name calling, and has told me in private that she does enjoy it, Maryam, my Lil sis has been OK with it too. BUT IF ANY ONE YOU DOES NOT LIKE TO BE INCLUDED IN MY BANTER, TELL ME, I WILL RESPECT YOUR WISHES, and although I have mentioned that this site will go on with you or without you, I do, yes I very much do need your inputs.

After finding trough an email that Fereydoon has created a site, enthusiastically I logged on, left long comments as I usually do, met new very intersting people and raved about it here. When Ferry told me how easy it is to get a site on MSN spaces and there are no charges involved, my mischivous restless soul came up with a new idea, why not create a site for FATHER HOMER BENT, so that is how BLESSING was created with FHB as the main comentator, hoping to allow me to display some of the pictures I have gathered trough the webb, and some dialogues. FHB is presented as a drunk theologian, with a fine taste for booze and women, and any forms of beauty in life. Although mainly as another venue and vehiechle for me to write.

Yesterday I left a comment for Fereydoon and unknowingly the FHB's adress was published with the comment, so I recieved a message from FEREYDOON; " SO YOU ARE FATHER HOMER BENT ?", I asked him how he knows that, and he told me. This morning when I checked Blessings, I found a very funny comment from Cyrus, and I wrote him back, thank God he did not give me any grief over it. I wrote another piece on FHB 's site, posted some pictures,and even recieved more comments which made me happy.

This afternoon I was on IM with FEREYDOON and asked him if he has read my new rant and how he liked it(PINK FLOYD IN PURPLE HAZE), to my surprise he said, " I did and I do not care for it", I was shocked, but he really ment he had read FHB's rant on BLESSINGS and he did not like it. and then he said something about how dare I to call my character a religioues Father, and the minute I do that I have lost my own respect, showcasing a holly man, or something of sort. When I told him that I was confused about his comments. he said he knows that I AM A CONFUSED MAN, AND HE DID NOT CARE FOR FATHER HOMER BENT, that's all and he left.

WOW, I thought to myself, I DO NOT REALLY KNOW ANY OF YOU, and yet I LET you SEE to some of my MOST intimate thoughts, you are right my friend I do not think I know you at all, and I am afraid of what I see. God Forbid the men of my generation come back to power in Iran, and this would be the form of freedom they excercise. so much generosity of spirit. so much depth of vision, so much liberty for speech and the rights of expressions. I am afraid we have not come far, we are still bugged down in petty expressions of our petty beliefs. and it is so sad to see this. It is scary.

IF YOU DO NOT LIKE MY PEACHES, DONT YOU SHAKE MY TREE. I set the prameters here my friends, as long as Cyrus have me I am his guest, and the minute he does not I will find other ways. if you do not like it GET THE HELL OUT. AND IF YOU DO, IT IS A PRIVILAGE AND HONOR TO HAVE YOU. the sign on the door says Idinrah, so that will be how it will be. and for my dear friend FEREYDOON, eh, we always have PARIS, and I dont think I am interested to know any further of what I see. Hope to see you all again in Idinraha.com, also come see Father Homer Bent and his misadventures at BLESSINGS

Posted by Idinraha at 02:21 PM | Comments (12)

Pink Floyd and Purple Haze

I have been so excited about Fereydoon and his new site. you see for me, it is the joy of writing, let me sit behind my desk, and laptop, and let the day drift away. It heals the loneliness in me. And now I have a new venue , so I can do it as often as I want, at least till he bans me fro0m his site or start deleting my comments.

So I logged on and after reading the lyric to a Pink Floyd song he had posted, I wrote him a beautiful comment, about the days we had together, the piece was finished and I was happy, and then THE GLITCH,
his site refused to publish the comments. and before i know it the document was lost. SON OF A BITCH, well I am allowed to say that here , since it is mt site. This was wthe second time. I had lost another piece on his site before, I have to have a talk with that young man. anyway exhusted and sad as i was, i thought the heck, i will go and write it on my own site, and now I am trying to remember what i wrote.

Remember, Pink Floyd in Purple Haze, you and me, and the quite hills of Jordan, on top, wind blowing in our long hairs, tehran spread glowing under neath, you BMW, the night air, the dizzying fog of the Hashish we had smoked, and Pink Floyd taking us to the Dark Side Of The Moon, Happiness was so easy, kisses and hug in abundance, and love was just a stretch of arm away. Remember Liisa, and Maggie, the hunt for the young Hyenas we were, our prise, the blonde mermaids for us, the brown native guys, and how they giggled as they talked in their tongues, IT WILL RAIN TONIGHT, they used to say, while we circled them in our thirst, the taste of their lips, their tongues, their eager flesh and our greedy hands, harried kisses, hurling us toward our rapture, with Pink Floyd in Purple Haze. Remember how proud we were displaying them going dancing to HARLEM, Chatanoga, parking next to the Hamberger Joint in Vanak Circle, and the heavenly taste of the food. Remember how once the doorman at that Disco in Zafar refused to let CYRUS and ARMAN in , thinking they were Americans, and how Cyrus in the most tradditinal Farsi, told the guy,
DADDASH MAN AZ HAMEYE INNA IRONITARAM. When Cyrus's parents went away that NOROUZ, and we all stayed there, for a few days, the Garden Party, with rugs spread all over the grass, the lights in the trees, and dancing till midnight, and then pushing most every one in the pool.

Remmember how we got caught in Neda's house, necking with our girls on the sweing, how his parents drove in , saw us and drove back,letting us be. Remember Noushin, Neda's sister, the gorgeous girl, so charming we all had a crush on. Remember readin MOLANA, SOHRAB, even QURAN, and how we got chills in our bones of the vastness and flights of the words, and the discovery of the knowing.
Remember, the American blonde beauty that almost got us killed by trying to kiss me in the middle of Bazar, and then in the back of your car, made my lips all black and blue kissing me all through the PAHLAVI. and then how desperatly we were looking for an empty house to get a taste of our PRIZE, my American Blonde, who used to call me AGHA KHOSGELEH, with her funny accent, and her iranian hosted, your girl, we tried your sister house, your house, and no luck. Remember THE BOAT, The beautifull long old American Converatble car Cyrus used to drive. The accident we had going against the traffic on Darband, while Mahnaz was in the car, and Cyrus was driving with no Lisence.
How we fixed Suzzy with Cyrus against his will, since Suzzy was in love with him and he was such a sport he played along. Those were magical time, in our town Tehran, where we all left a little pieces of ourselves, for ever and ever, yes it was Pink Floyd in Purple Haze.

Well I tried, but I know the original one that I wrote for Ferry was much prettier, and now lost in Cyber space.

Posted by Idinraha at 12:21 PM | Comments (2)

April 20, 2005

Lonely jest

It comes to me
In quiet intervals,
As i stand with my eyes
Staring into space, blind
To its surrounding,
That I will never have you

And how my skin
Is waisted in dry patches
Left yearning for your touch
Not a pat on the shoulder
Or a quick obligatory hug,
Confirmation of our co-habitation
Of the years we have lives
Together alone

My breasts sagging under
The solitude of their wait
Immersed in memories
-The sweet texture of your tongue
The warmth of your breath
The comfort of your mouth

As I mouth my own skin
Between my lips, and lick
My fingers, sucking them gently
with my eyes teared of
The desperation and shame
Of my lonely jest

Posted by Idinraha at 03:16 PM | Comments (9)

Worth repeating............sent to me by Hossein

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case
You have to eat them

Posted by Idinraha at 12:04 PM | Comments (2)

Baby it's allright

well, as you know writing is such a pleasure to me, and Ferry's new site LIVE LIFE offers me another venue to write. He is also on MSN and that give him much exposer, and more comentators, and more chances for me to meet and interact with new people. I have already met an intersting person INSAY, presented by Ferry as a WRITER, and have had a good discussion with her. He also serves free shrimps, I should talk to my main man, my programming genius Cyrus, to see if we can do that too. So log in , click at the link above and leave a comment, he gives away lotsa love over there.

I posted the first paragraph of the book and Cyrus has created a link
on the main page that will take you there, do not, I say it again Do Not expect too much, it's only a paragraph, but I am hopefully posting a second and third paragraph today. After posting it and seeing it a sense of elation came over me, actually seeing it on the site, right there, it is a bit like seeing your child crawl, hoping to see him walk soon. please read it and leave me comments.

Yesterday i heard a voice asking for me, so I went ot the showroom, and saw a beautifull red hai women asking for me, as I got closer I recognised Debbie, my friend from the Gym coming to my rescue. She brought me heavenly morsels of Original Paxil CR, Yummy, I thought about the Paxils and also Debbie, I tell you that Girl cleans up well.
after thanking her, I walked her to her car and we had a little conversation, it was nice standing out side with PAXIL CR in my hand and talking to a beautifull woman, you see i do not ask for much, after she left, it was hard to go back to the store, leaving the fresh air, and Debbie outside. She promised to bring some more, well dear debbie you rock.

The Liberals are in disaray over the election of our first German Pope. He has a reputation to be a fierce conservative, promissing to keep the catholics in the bounds of tradditional rullings. He has been already accused of being anti- semi, and a fenatic by the left media.

there is a good movie out THE UP SIDE OF THE ANGER, It has created a good buzz in the median for the story and its acting. Joan Allen portray an alchoholic divorced mother of three young girls, trying to coup with their demands, and a new romance with her boozing nrighbor, Kevin Costner plays the role of the neighbor, and he is very good reminisint of hios acting in his early movies, FIELDS OF DREAMS, and
BULL DURHAM.

I wrote a new poem yesterday, LONELY JEST, which i will try to post today

Posted by Idinraha at 11:09 AM | Comments (1)

April 19, 2005

worth repeating,...sent to me by Hossein

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days
You're the statue.

Posted by Idinraha at 01:02 PM | Comments (2)

Headaches

I get these Migraine headaches that distort my vision, first symptom of it coming is a distorted vision, I lose some of the lines, if I am looking at your face there are parts of it missing, and I know right then that I am in for a treat. The remedy; I run to the bathroom, and wash my face with cold water, I pour some over my head, take three advils, and drink plenty of water. After ward, I start seeing these Zig Zag lines in my sight, and they grow throbing and flashing, I can not see that much by this point, so I take a deep breath and try to calm down. It usually takes about ten minutes before the light flashes go away. and then the pressure comes, like my head is being sandwiched between two pieces of Iron. and after an hour or two it gets less severe. The causes of it could be different, from dehyderation,to too much stress. Just another sign to make me realise I am still alive and can feel. This morning waking up, before I open my eyes, I saw the Zig Zag flashs. Eh,just another day for a man who gets too much of everything, and still is very greatefull for all he has.

FEREYDOON, our Lovemonger has started his own site LIVE LIFE. He sent me an email, and I logged in, as ussuall his is bigger than mine, and nothing I could do about it. I am excited for FEREYDOON the gigolo is a rather private man, and it would be nice to see how much he is going to show us. So please log in at the link above and drop him a comment or two. Cyrus has disappeard again, probably busy with his new site, and every day living.

In the Vatican they are trying to elect a new pope, and the media sharks are circling, trying to outdo each other in accusing the new candidates. Don't you think we have too much media in our lives? I do.
I think as human beings we are not programmed to be exposed to as much as new 24/7 media exposes us to. one of the new GURUS DR, Andrew Wyatte, in his books has had recomended MEDIA FASTING, do not get yourself exposed to what you can not control, and you will live a more seren, happier life. I tried it for a while and it works. so instead of watching news, talk to your wife, and kids, invite a few friends over and have a nice discussion, go outside and walk, you will feel much better.

One of the shows that I watch whenever I can is LAW AND ORDER. all three versions of it. The writing is good the stories are intelligent and is well made TV. The last one of them I watched COVERED the whole subject of DATE RAPE. AND THERE WAS SUCH A FINE BALANCE OF SHOWING THE STORY FROM BOTH SIDE. that I could not decide who was to blame. and waited to hear the Jury's decision, and even then the writers did not let up,the man from the jury stood up and said , we find the defendent......and it faded to black. I did not like that, now I had to go over everything in my head and decide, but it was clever , very clever.

I will be drinking lots of water today and eat only fruits, I think my body is overloaded, so is my mind, and the wiring in my head needs to be examind, do you know any good electricion.

Posted by Idinraha at 09:36 AM | Comments (5)

April 18, 2005

Beer, and warm goat cheese

well, It is quiet here, and I am restless, I am always restless, anyway called Anthony, and took him out for Launch. there is a nice place up the road, we sat down ordered beers, and lunch, he has pasta with shrip, and I had warm Goat Cheese salad. Us middle easterns always enjoy our goats warm. Anyway Anthony has a lot on his plate these days, the usuall growing pains, and I try to get him out and get him to talk and like my other Mancrush, this one does not open easy either.

It was nice, sitting in the cool air, sipping beer and talking and i reminded myself this is for him and I should let him talk more than I do. We had a nice meal, flirted with the waitress, and drank. beer, and we talked the way guys can do only with each other. For everything he is going through he is keeping cool and calm. he has a very logical mind and deals with everything based mostly on logics, not emotions, good for him, I was worried about him but he seems OK,
and in control.

The town is empty, every one is on a one week vacation with their kids, It feels like August in westport, when it becomes a ghost town.
I am asking lots of questions of myself these days. and I do not know how clear my path is, all I know is whatever comes through I will survive it. I always say we are like roaches and can out live anything.

In an hour i will go to the Gym and try to sweat out my problems a bit. My new positive attitude this morning has helped me plenty, but the a beer buz in the afternoon has made me a bit melanchaly.

Posted by Idinraha at 03:07 PM | Comments (1)

Hope springs eternal

Tough week, this past week, sometimes everything goes heywire, and at times like that I try to wrapp myself further in godly things and remember what Marjan says, that God is hope. I woke up last night, from a dream. I had dreamt that somehow I had cut my hair very short, like a buzz cut, and I had found out that I was all bald in the middle of my head, and on the left side, there was a clear patch of skin showing. I was shocked, but in the dream I was telling myself, that it was okey, it wasn't like I had lost a limb or something.

I woke up and went downstairs, and reminded myself , that every thing was OK, maybe not the best of times but it was not the worst either. I am alive, relatively healthy, I have a lovely healthy wife, and two healthy kids. You see it's the word HEALTHY, that was shining in my head, and I felt elated, somehow the weight was off my shoulders, and a nice certain energy was sipping into me.

So I sat down and tried to figure it out, kinda getting inventory of my life, over all I am an OK guy, may be not the best husband, and provider, but I think I am an OK daddy, and my kids adore me. there are things I do, my vices, I am not comfortable with them, so last night I gave them up, and made a deal with God, I will be a better person, or at least I will try. Afterward I felt better already and went back to sleep.

Saturday morning, as my usuall routine is I went to Dunkin Donut drive in, and ordered, "Large Regular Please", she said,"okay, drive up", and then I heard giggles in the background, I got to the window, and the girl I usually see handed me my coffee, she was blushing, and said sheepishly, " we look forward to hearing your voice every morning, all the girls here like it", and the other girls behind her, were giggling, the way young girls do. I said, " Thats nice to know for an old man like me". It was, and it is, and I know I would be more conscious now every time I order my coffee there.

I had seen the promo for the NBC's new series REVELETIONS, and I was not sold on it, although I am a fan of Bill pullman, I liked him a lot in WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING.and the movie INDEPENDENCE DAY, I also like the other lead Natascha McElhone, of Surviving Picaso, and Solaris fame. I caught some of it on Wednesday, and I liked it, the story was interesting, the acting superb, and the chemistry between the two leads was good. So last nigh they had an encore of it, and I watched it. It is a keeper, specially for Fans of Xfiles, looking for a well discripted, and made Mystery, it hits the spot. So watch it, and enjoy it.

We had a bit of meltdown last week in stock market, due mostly to the increasing cost of energy, and IBM's poor performance in first quarter. IBM has problems in it's European, and Japanies market which is 25% of its over all computer revenue, but it is taking stronger marketting actions to remedy that. On the other hand GE is reporting a much better than estimated income reports in nine of its Eleven companies. SO Please buy American and lets protect our industries. Stock market at these prices offers plenty of appotunity, since most stocks are under valued, and we are going trough a soft period in second quarter. So if you are in stock market, you might wanna take another look and buy buy and buy.

Last week, I spent two days travelling in my car and listened to the Radio, it seems there is an epidemic of young female teachers hooking up with their very young male students. I heared at least three different reports. Well getting it on with your teacher is a very basic and much returned to Male Fantasy, but it seems we did miss the boat, I still remember Miss Vaziri, my fifth grade elementry school teacher and I am sure most of my classmates also do. She was beautifull and made quite an impression on our young minds, and inspired our extra caricullar activities. Well, one of the female teachers id sued buy her fourteen years old lover, since she had the audisity of getting pregnant with his child, but still failed him in Social Sciences. well some teachers can not be bribed even with sexuall favors, so watch out, out there, you young Hyenas.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:14 AM | Comments (0)

April 17, 2005

Sunday In The Park

Well, it is sunday, and the weather is beautifull, I am sure the golf courses are filled with players, gardening is back, and people are enjoying their day off. I am still a bit bewildered at my meeting with THE LIFE COUCH, the other day. It goes so much against the whole idea of indiviuality, and uniqness of all of us.

I mean someone like Dr PHILL might be suited for the job, but a thirty eight years old man. Kinda rminds me of that song SUNSHINE, one of the verses in the lyric is; HE CAN'T RUN HIS OWN LIFE, I BE DAMNED IF HE RUNS MINE. At thirty eight I do not think a man even knows what he wants, and he has the audesity to tell others how to live their lives, and they are fools who actually fall for that and pay for his services.

In the old country, in the old days when and where there was much more respect for gray hair and old age, younger people seeked advice from their parents and grandparents, they were the wise ones, and we were thought how to respect them. If we were sitting in a room and an elder walked in we would stand up to show respect and would not sit down untill they did. I still do that, and have told my kids about respecting the elders in the family. We used to have so much respect for age and aging that some of the merchants in the Bazar would not work with you and recognise you as their peers if you were not over fourty years old, or if you were not married.

Now we keep our elders away from the rest of the family in this society, we put them away, and for that we lose a lot. I am so greatfull for having My mother and father in law, and my own mom and da in my kids lives. In the old country when the elders got very old and could not live on their own the kids would fight over whose house they should live in, but now I hear that even over there, they are bulding houses for senior citizens, and that scares me. I know when my father was away for a while when four of us, my two brothers and him were partners, we all ran into trouble in our business and personal lives.

Have you seen the movie Adventures of Priscill, queen of Desert it's a small Australian movie Terence Stamp, the english actor, and two Australian actor, about Transvestites and their lives, as a travelling song and dance group. It is a poignant and sweet movie, look it up, specially Cyrus(he has allowed me to mention his name again) might enjoy it since he likes more Independent small movies.

Business is not letting up, specially now that Dow Jones is losing value, but it is a good time to buy stocks since most of them are under valued, and all together all American Industries are under valued. The recession we had in last Four years have made them more lean and the inventories are down so, the only way for them is to go up. Although that little giant CHINA is developing very fast and probably would corner the market in most everythings, even cars. This would be good for under developed countries in Eastern Europe and Middle East. There are many appourtunities for Industries of all kind in Countries like, Afghanistan, Moldova, the southern regions af Old USSR, and eastern Europe.

Amin spent the night over Akram's house, Marjan retired early last night, and left me and Kiana alone watching TV. So before you know it, I had two Boxes of ice Cream in the family room with two spoons and coaxed Kiana to join me, we had delicious Vanila and chocolate ice cream, and were scoping it up from the box, it was fun. Kiana slept next to me, and this morning, I woke up to the wonder of my beautifull girl, and played around, goofing up in bed.

Last night over Akrams house we went through some of the old Albums, and there was a particular picture of me and Amin, when he was only two years old, and I was much slimmer. I had so much fun with him at that age, and somehow being his father was much less comlicated and easier. These days when he comes at me locking hands, and pushing me, I find him rather surprisingly strong, and he delights in showing me his power. my boy is becoming a teen ager soon, and that would bring up its own problems and it's own fun.

Tonight we are going to Kamran's house for dinner. I have lots of fun teasing Miraneh, Kamran's wife about this and that in her house, she is a good sport and puts up with me. We will definitely drink some beer, and mostly Kamran caters the food from outside, and being the most ambitious one amongst us, usually he gets the best of every things.

Afew days ago I read in CYCHO.NET that cyrus will be shutting down the site, at least that's what it seemed, it really bummed me out. Upon further investigation I found out that he is in process of launching a new site, bigger and better, which delighted me.

Well, we keep on keeping on, Fereydoon has been absent lately, Cyrus left us some smart ass comments, pointing at the fact that THE BOOK is not posted yet. MeTal has had some Computer troubles , but she is back on, and left me beautifull comments on my two new poems. Maryam is on vacation, and fafar is still running after her Three years old son Danny. We got a newcomer VICTORIA, she left us a comment about NOTES TO MYSELF, I wellcomed her and hope she visits again.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:14 AM | Comments (0)

April 14, 2005

Pins and needles

I am all on pins and needles, that is what writing does to me, it take a lot to do, but it brings a certain quiet happiness, just the movement of my fingers ont he keyboard, soft shoeing the words in a harmonies dance of thoughts and creation, Yumm, I LOVE IT, I feel productive when i write, it's like the satisaftion of a good sale, when you know you have done okay, leading the client where you wanted them and slaughtered them with a smile on their face.

It has been a productive week, so far, my suppliers are happy, I have been working on my new venture with good discipline, and we are advertising tomorrow in the paper which might result in delightfull
songs of the Cash register. I have posted four poems for you , two of my own and two by our friend MeTal, also wrote two new ones, and posted them here before Posting them on POETS.COM

Posted by Idinraha at 12:13 PM | Comments (0)

Amin, and Kiana, at a wake, year 2035

Kiana: at least pretend you are praying
Amin; Calm down LiL sis
Kiana: Do not call me that, I should have brought my own car, you still know how to get on my nerves
Amin smilling devilishly: You are just too uptight, calm down
Amin, reaches holding Kiana's hand, Kiana gives in and looks at him
shaking her head.
Kiana with a softer voice: you definitely got his charm,
Amin: and you got her temper, remeber how she used to try so hard,
Kiana: Yes and how ungreatfull you were
Amin: I never doubted that she loved me, I was comfortable with that.
Kiana, lets get out of here, Ineed some fresh air,
Amin: That is not proper, the ceremony has not ended yet, the guilt is gonna kill you
Kiana: Fuck it, I have to get out or I pass out,
Amin: somebody used the F word

Later on in a coffee shop down the road.

Kiana; I will have coffee black
Amin; you drink that and you will be shkin the rest of the day, you try so hard to be like her, give it up Lil sis, have a tea
Kiana: No, I have Black cofee, I can handle it, so what should we do with the site.
Amin;, I don't know, it is not our decision, Mom will decide, and whay are you so bent on doing something with the site, just let it be, some of his friends still visit, and leave comments.
Kiana: He always wanted me to take over the site, remember I was the artistic one.
Amin: so take it, are you gonna do what he did, YOU GONNA WRITE POETRY, and RANTS, every day.
Kiana: I don't know but I like to, so what did Mom say yesterday,
Amin: she called from somewhere in Europe, she has some kinda book signing, she was sorry she could not attend. eh, isn't it funny with all his BROHAHA, she turned to be the writer in the family.
Kiana: Yeah, but she is his book, she still loves him,
Amin:, THat's why she is running around with all those young men
Kiana: she always had men friends, but they were friends, and he was okay with it, and it's her life, she still looks beautifull and young.
Amin smillig: Yeah she is still HABAHABA, oh I hated it when he used to tease me, saying that, incidently do you know what happened to his friends, the ones that used to log in and leave those prescious comments?

THIS WILL CONTINUE

Posted by Idinraha at 11:27 AM | Comments (1)

Wanton Kiss

Leave me be
wandering aimless
as the day is spread
through the ease of windows
In necassity of its passage

Leave me be,
corrupted amongst your pages
as you register this existance
Keep sakes of your dreams
Hoping for a sign, as we linger
Accepting the emergence of life
In fruit baskets, and the diety
of ritualls so fragile that
they disolve in solidarity of hours

I am the one eyed Goull
The retched ghost
The shiniest doll
An accidental cure
for all the predictabilities
Of your denial, as you ache and smile
Trying to catch your breath

The breath I hold
Of the poison you need
that secures you this wanton kiss

Posted by Idinraha at 11:03 AM | Comments (1)

Longings in siluhettes

It's the infinity of these images
And the nakedness of my soul,
The Mutant growth of my damage
The ache in my bones, when the
Day recieves me, and the light
reflects in the knowing eyes
And still

Breathing in denial of
The wounds, that bloom raw
and the necessity of cure,
The invitaion of these roads
and temptaion of unseens, as
I chew on life with delibrate
intention between my teeth, and
The blood I cherrish, nourishing
The tortured hues of my sins

As I cut my skin, celebraing pain
In intervals of madness and serenity
and kiss the lips that offer belongings
It's the rigid edges of awarness
Wher sleep, not a dream wrapped in
Sorrows of the serpents, and longings
Of the goulLs that can not Escape
The wide eyes of this reality
And yet

The days survive empty
As I live reaching
and wispering in the wind

Posted by Idinraha at 10:49 AM | Comments (1)

April 13, 2005

overwhelmed

where did the day go, I was on the road again, taking care of business
things are a bit overwhelming here, but I am no spring chicken and working hard has its own rewards.

It seems everybody else is busy too, no comments for today, I have an idea about a piece, its more of a conversation between Amin, and Kiana, lets say thrity years from now, it would allow me to cover a lot, lots of my anxiety about futre, theirs and mine, it would also leave me lots of room to play, to forecast, and use my mischivous imagination, and tickle a few bellys. probably tomorrow I will write it. I am in process of making a dream, and it takes lots of imagination, discipline, and hard work, imagination and hard work i can do, but discipline, I do not know, that has always been one of my shortcomings, although Marjan always says, If Javad sets his mind there is nothing he can not do, I hope so. Remember me in your prayers

Posted by Idinraha at 05:31 PM | Comments (1)

April 12, 2005

Brain Droppings

I like to see a day, a national day when every one comes to work in their Jamies, with their Teddy bears, and pillows. I wish we could find a filter for all of us to see everything softer, 20/20 vision is over rated, I have been living with a lot less. Do you think Nudist download dressed women in their secret archives. I definitely think life starts at fourty, you do not know much before it and learn how to live , and by the time you are fourty you start living.

What do you think Princess Diana would have thought about her husband's wedding and that funny hat. Don't you think if the two parties in that wedding the bride and the groom were a bit more attractive, we would have all been more interested in their Love Story. Just the fact that Charles which could have any woman, chose to have her as a wife, should say a lot about her, or not much about him. Do you think those Royals feel safe within those brick castles, sarrounded by tall walls, and all the guards.

If you could chose anybody, alive or dead to have lunch with who would be your choice. Do you think Mehatma Gundi was more of a showman than a politician, and did he once in a while sneaked a bit of food while on hunger strike. Imagine if Salvador Dali, and charles Newton could have a show together, supported by George Lucas and his FX company.

Hootan told me some time ago that Human being created Time by their inventions and ambitions, if we were all still happy roaming around on Earth, in animal skin, hunting for our food, there would have been no sense of History or Time. Wouldn't it be funny if we find out that Hitler was a Jew and all he did was based on self hate, and self destruction. Isn't Human voice system such a marvel, next time you are talking pay attention, to your voice, and imagine what mechanism makes it so natural and easy to use.

When you ask a man who is the most beautiful women they know, wouldn't they automatically see the picture of their mother in their heads, and then it gets crowded by the pictures of their wives, daughters, and then the rest of their share of beauties they have had the pleasure of meeting.

Ginsberg the American Poet says, the reason men run after women, is becuase they like to go back where they came from, the saftey and security of being inside, and if he is right, what would that says about all our friends who are gay. Do you think they are other creatures living in faraway planets, living lives like us, since Jules Vern has said if we can imagine it, it exist. would we be ready in this particular moment with all we know and can digest mentally and emotionally to live a thousand years from now.

once I told my son that if you fold back men's penisses inside their body literaly, it would be very simmilar to women's reproduction system, so we are basically INNies and OUTIES. He thought about that for a minute and said he has to do more research before he agrees with me.

I have thought about this one a lot, actually the thought came to me when the first George Bush started the war in Iraq, what goes on in the mind of such a man, before he has to make that decision and how far do they carry the Burden of it with them. How dare they ? starting something that they would know will result in Death and mayhem. But then they are other elements to consider, and aren't we all elated that We do not have to make that decision. I know both 41, and 43rd are moral man with dignity and respect for human lives, imagine what they had to go through, I do not envy them their job, and I thank God that they are men like them, like Truman, Rosevelt, and Churchil that can make decisions like that.

Just a quiet walk in the spring air would remind all of us of Majesty of life, and the gift that it is. We have so much and I remind myself every day of the depth and glory of such allowance.

Posted by Idinraha at 04:55 PM | Comments (2)

In Pieces..................................By MeTalnymph

Apparition tumbling
Display of raven locks
Once a grounding fixture
To twirl between my fingers
Hang twisted in neglected threads

To claw at the ground
In essence, everything at my hands
A semblance of reality slipping
Through painted nails
I imagine red

Where a heart thumps vibrant
Beneath skin who holds on to the ache
Raw parts never meant to be lost
Wishing for a prophet to smooth the
Tangles
As the pieces fall to place

While stars do their dance
Watching suns rise up new
I claw for the sky
And dare to let warmth kiss me
A swaying figure weary of the cold

Posted by Idinraha at 11:58 AM | Comments (0)

Dancing Circles....................................By MeTalnymph

When beckoned by melodious voice
A song is brought on winds
To tease while lifting hair
Brushing silky from extended hand

Bones beneath flesh ache
With the wailing of preludes
A hand gripping strong, imploring mine
And it closes around as a ghost

Ushered ina waltz where I am levitated
Misplaced is the scent of warmth
Miles away and drenched in frost
Breath engulfed in misty halo

Seized and led in circles
A shoulder bared to lips
Concealing sharpened teeth
Arranged for ravishing

In the grip of hands
Where a mane is but a toy
Glossy strands could choke
-but they wont-
Only hold attentions as a prisoner
Skin flushed by tearing hands could
drown
-and it will-
Seizing affections
as a thief
POise*Steeler
My familiar diving to the center
Where a waltz is always played

Posted by Idinraha at 11:40 AM | Comments (0)

Life Coach

It's nice to see that my sister, Maryam, reads my Poems, and leaves me comments, remember this site started as a showcase for my poetry, and Rants was an after thought, now we have more rants than poetry, I will try to change that balance, by posting more poems, whether you like it or not. Can you believe this, a man on POETS.com, wrote a review for that poem,MY ANIMAL FEMALE, and accused me of lack of immagination !

I went to the Gym this morning,and did a mile in 8:58, a new record, I am trying , but when you carry as much weight as I do it is not easy. I saw my hommies, and also met a new guy at the locker room, his name is Micheal, he is about 6' tall, baldish, with a pleasent face, and nice lean body, I saw him do ten pullups with ease and I was impressed. Once in the locker room I asked him what he does for living, and he said HE IS A LIFE COACH, ahah, that is the new job discription, for people who replace the therapist in our lives, they do not just deal with your psyche, they deal with the whole totality of your life, where you are and where you are going.

Upon further inspection, I found out that he is a a recent corporate dropp off, who has decided to do something different with his life, I like people like that, so I told him, that I am the FLAMING HETROSEXUALL GUY, and also told him I do poetry and about the site, he wanted to now if he could post some of my poetry and rants on his site.

Would I ever hire a life coach, I do not think so, It would be so impersonal, goes against me feelings as an individuall, and I already have three life coaches at home, Marjan, Amin, and Kiana, and for business my dad would do, for being proper and staying in line, My first officer,-what's his name, and for love matters, my ever loyal(my back still hurts), Fereydoon the lovemonger, for poetic inspiration MeTal, my poetic commrade, for emotional support, LiL sis Maryam, and my S&M nymph Fafar for sexuall advices, not bad ey. But would I like to work as a Life Coach, well if anyone is ready to pay for my advices, well who am I to argue, and I do advice people on many topics anyway, so I might look into that, I could always use some extra Mulla.

Check out CYCHO.net, it seems -What's his name is developing some sence of humor, his last posting is a hoot, reminding me of when he was as ready for mischief as anyone. He is on a long business trip, teaching buncha YAHOOS about creating Game Software. I miss teasing him on my IM.

This morning Fafar was here she is a fantastic photographer, with great eye for colors and details, and I asked her yesterday to shoot some of my Antique rugs, she is always so much fun to be around, and today she had brought her beautifull assistant Yasi with her, it was fun. MeTal has given me permission to post any of her poems, I will try to post two of her Gems for you here, I hope you enjoy them.

Posted by Idinraha at 09:10 AM | Comments (0)

April 11, 2005

Breathing Lessons

She knew,
She had that far away look
In her eyes, as she harried
The day amongst her chores, quietly
Humming, avoiding what bubbled
Inside her, as it came to her
Troat, and teared her eyes
And cheeks, two tears

Constant urges running
Under her skin, and the weight
of her acceptance, her dutiful guilt
That pushed against her frame, like
A slab of stone, solid in it's girth,
Twisting the air within her, for
She knew how life evolves in
Old and new, in wanting,
The conformity of predictables,
And the dizzying rush of curiosities
That deliberately move in her
Like a breath, that stayed
Within her elements

She sat by the window
Aware of the knowing inside her
The way women do,- that she had to
grow within her life- so she
Opened the window and took a breath

Posted by Idinraha at 03:32 PM | Comments (0)

My Animal Female

Do you dream of me,
In solace of the night
Do you feel my fingers
Tripping down your skin,
Do you see my fangs, my nails
And the coarse hair that covers my skin

Do you feel my moist lips
Tresspasing on your shoulders,
And my tongue, humid and raw
lapping on your neck, where my teeth
tears your skin between yo0ur jaw and ear,
Do you tremble, shiver and wake,
With a feared smile

And wopuld you be hospitable to
The horror of me, my beastly presence
My Sapphic desires, my animal female, and
The torturous wanting that borders doom in
Its feverish macabre twitches, it's essence
A theatre of blood and mayhem, the gorging,
as sarilegios, as sinful a mutating dreams
Of serpants and sorrows, of the bulging eyes
And devoured flesh, of your corpse, half eaten
Half alive, all taken, as you yelp in rasping
Voices of madness and pleasure, coaxing me to
Push further, and reach more, mounting you
With your neck between my teeth, your
Blood on my face and paws

And after you shudder to
Your collapse, humid and raw
Taken in orgasmic crystals that
Bloom in your eyes, I leave you
Standing on my hooves, as you smile

Posted by Idinraha at 02:54 PM | Comments (1)

Dreams

Well that was a close one, but we survived it. It's Monday morning, I have already been to the Gym, Did my cardio, twenty minutes, and lifted weights for an hour, I am trying to ease into it, so I am carefull, they have put the punching bag back on, so I boxed for ten minutes, after ward went to get shower, and realised I had forgotten to bring my shirt and undies, the promise of walking bare ass all day was titilating but , had no shirt, so no shower, and back to the store in my sport gears. so dont get too close.

Fafar is back and that's wonderfull, I missed her, and her loving comments, I know she probably has missed her home, specia;;y the cellar and her Gagball, chain and whip, nice to have you back, My S&M
insatiable nymph.

Well men my age should not get wet dreams, it was not wet, just kinda humid, short, and the kind that stays with you all day, like a bit of fog in your head, and you could almost taste it, Dont know who she was, but it was a she, that's a relief, and she kissed me, one of those kisses, her lips melted in my mouth, and then she went away, thank God, I would have a lots of explaining to do if she stayed. Dreams, and their necassity in a healthy life, what are they, these short extended trespassing to the other realm, and how do they effect our lives.

Doctors believe, a healthy person should dream, sometimes taking medications stops that, I remember when I started taking Paxil( my mouth waters whenever I say that word), I had very colorfull, vivid dreams, there were like digital dreams, on the latest HDV Plasma screens, the Faces were so clear I could see all the details, all the hues and lines, and there were also Burst of colors and shapes like PSYCHODELIC dreams, shapes melting to each other and then come out again, at first they used to scare me, then when My Doctor told me that it is a normal accurance for Paxil (oh, Yumm) users, I got more interested in them, but after a while they go away, and only come back when you increase your dosage. A few nights ago, I slept late, and as I was drifting away, I saw a road in my head, dimly lit, and I saw my own silluehette at the begining of the road, and I did not know if I wanted to go ahead and walk in that road, so I turned back, then I felt more adventures, and changed my mind, but the road was gone. Bahram is here and we have to work on some design and colors i will continues with this in a few hours.

Okay, I am back, rechrged and happy, why, I do not know maybe I should get out more often. Hamid my good friend and accountant called, and said come here , so I went, he is about fourty five minutes away from me, I put Dido on, opened the window and the sun roof and let it ripp,
ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM,SEVENTY FIVING ON ROUTE NINTY FIVE, It is amazing what fresh air and a few hours away from the store did to me, it was delicious, the ride going and back. dancing and driving in the car, careless and happy.

where were we, dreams, yes, I used to have dreams of the UPSIDE DOWN WORLD, when I was a kid, and then I would fall, also used to have a recurring dream that I was running and my parents were running after me, they wanted to catch me, and sell me, why I do not know. and later on in my teens I had a dream of war going on in our neigborhood, and we were fighting enemies, and comind down a hill I was shot on my temple, and as I was dying I felt so helpless, and amazed at finality of death. For a few week after that one, I had a bit of pain in my right temple where I was shot. I also remember another delicious dream where I was laying down on a bed very close to the edge, and one of my legs was down on the floor, and then a beautiful girl, came and took my big toe in her mouth, wow, that was something else, talking fetish, the sensation of it woke me up. I also once had a dream that I was dead and laid down on my bed, with every one gathering around me, and crying and then I saw a siluhette of me sitting on a Commode, looking down at the scene. me and my dream, do you have any dreams or nightmare you like to share tell us about it.

Maryam, LiL sis told us last night, that she has found a new job, in New Haven, and she will be out of the house from April 25th, Congradulation, wish you the best, but don't let them see your balls, and please be nicer to your bosses, remember they are the BOSSES, so be nice to them and stay employed. Fereydoon has beamed us a message from his spaceship above the earth and left us all a link, he is still angry at Father Bent, but it is allright. see you all later

Posted by Idinraha at 10:03 AM | Comments (0)

April 10, 2005

THE SWEET SHIP LOLIPOP

Well ladies and gents I am reporting to you from the sight of the reported MUTINY, it seems the mutiny is over, and the first officer,
coaxed by MeTal, Fereydoon, and other voters, have surrendered, and is on Cabin arrest at Captain's private quarters,while he was being led downstairs, Captain looked in -whats his name's eyes, and snared calmly ( imagine Anthony Hopkin as Hanibal Lecter, with sleeked back hair and cool blue eyes), I will have you for dinner later, which he corrected to I will have dinner with you later. For the time being Fereydoon, which secretly made a deal with Captain, has been promoted to first officer, and MeTal has agreed to provide entertainment with the help of maryam and do a Broadway on the sea, with Chorus line as their first production. Father Homer Bent, has been awarded to all the shipmen on the ship, to serve as their BITCH in residence, and the shipmen are free to do to him everything he hhas ever done to all the Choire boys that served under him. To every ones surprise he took his punishment with glee, and broke down singing, " Oh sweet myster of life at last I found you", as the shipmen tore his cloth off and took him bare ass down stairs.

The future of the previous first officer seems in question, but it is quite obvious that with all the love that Captain has for him, he would not be consumed and only licked and suckled for a while. So the turmoil is over and life will go on on SWEET SHIP LOLIPOP.

Hmmm, Father homer Bent's comment seems to brought out the best in Fereydoon and MeTal, and they both left him scorning comments, whether we like him or not, we can not forbid him from leaving comments, since that goes against our mantra-FREEDOM OF SPEECH, he does represent a different view here, and I might ask him to write a guest rant for us here.

Remmeber guys what ever you do your wife would always know, they just do, Marjan and I have had this game we play, or I should say played. Since I do get Munchies at night, marjan hides all the cookies, and munchies in different places, and at night when I am alone and every body sleeping I feel the challange of finding the cookies, and munchies and outsmart my beautiful wife, and as arrogant as I am usually I do not hide the wrappers, or the bags, after I inhale the goodies, to show her that once again I got my way. Well of course I could buy my own goodies and munch on them at night but that would be no fun. So last night Marjan came to me, with a whole new set of chocolate wrapps that I had discarded in my own closet, and in her very loving voice(kinda screaming) she told me that she is tired of this and why do I do what I do. I told her that I have been looking at this as a game we play, to which she answered that is not the same for her and she is running out of hiding places. we had a heated conversation, and as usuall I was not ready to own up to my devious practice, and wanted to be left alone, and she insisted that we should find a solution right then and there, at that point I fled to Amin's room and locked the door, to which she responded, THAT'S VERY GROWN UP. and then she left me alone. This morning she snuggled next to me, and I held her tight, we discussed the problem and I accepted all her reuirements, hoping for some SUNDAY MORNING DELIGHT, BUT Kiana showed up in a few minutes, jumped on the bed, asking WHTCHU DOIN, we said we were talking, and she said, I WANNA PLAY WITH DADDY. She got her way and took mommy downstairs with her, I took a shower and came to work, so no more SEARCHING FOR THE MUNCHIES AT MIDNIGHT for me.

We recieved a comment last week from MUSH, a new visitor, she or he has not introduced herself, but we are happy to have him or her, I hope sh or he visits often and get involved in our open Diologues. we would appriciate to know the jender at least so we can use HIM, OR HER, LESS FREQUENTLY. last night at AKRAM's house Julia asked AMIN if he could sing again for all of us, it seems she had read about his saturday morning adventure, and his doodol, and gooz. it was fun to discuss that further, Julia said that their boat is in the water, and if weather pemits we could all spend a day on the sound.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:22 AM | Comments (2)

April 09, 2005

Mutiny,

When Bruttus knifed ceasar in the back, Ceasar turned back to him and said, EVEN YOU, and now after all my sacrifies and turmoils it has come to this MUTINY on THE BOUNTY, I will be the Captain( in the last version Anthony Hopkins played the role) of the ship, who has deep feelings for his first Officer, and you know who that is since I can not mention his name,( originally played by young Clark Gable, then Marlon Brando and the last version Mel Gibsson), and Fereydoon is now the second officer who is in agreement with the first officer that the Captain has gone cooko, loco,. Yes Fereydoon, the lovemonger, my gigolo, has left a comment for the gentleman that we can not mention his name, siding with him, well, its time to burn the ship and allow all this to become just a memory, but before we do that, since I would not transfer the controls to anyone( Whats his name can actually shutt down the whole thing without me knowing!, since my site piggy backs on his site). So for the sake of all the good times(HEHE) we had here we put this to vote, should we abandon ship?, should we burn the ship?, should the Captain resign in disgrace?, the inquirey mind needs to know, so all my reader, all the five and half of you, please vote, ARE YOU WITH ME ?, remember the last sceene in BRAVEHEART, although they need a bigger contraption to pull me in piece, but I would be as brave, and will yelp FREEDOM, and its the freedom of speech I am talking about, so please vote. Are you with me for freedom of speech, and my right and your right to freely pull anyone's leg, or are you with them, Whats his name, and FEREYDOON.

Posted by Idinraha at 04:06 PM | Comments (9)

Walking in snow in women's underwear

Every night going home I listen to 770 Talk Radio WABC, the host is a Constitutional scholar and lawyer, named Mark Levin, with a nasal voice and as fuuny as Groucho Marx. He has served under Ed Meese in Justice Department during Reagan presidency. He has a wicked sence of humor, and is highly intelligent. Of course he is Conservative, and he bring all the liberals that call him to the task, it's fun show dealing with topics of the day. He recently published a book called, MEN IN BLACK, about supreme court and federal Judges that try to legistlate laws, rather than interpreting them. It is a great read, written in easy language that even a bafoon like can understand it, I highly recomend it specially to FEREYDOON, since he might find many of his opinions in line with the arguments of the book.

Then there is Michael Savage, he is out of San Fransisco, and I get him on WOR 710 on radio dial, he is also conservative, but he is more West Coast and Flamboyant than Levin, he is also a PHD in langugaes, and very well red, sometimes his flamboyance make him even more interesting but he is not as solid as Levin is. The name of his show is SAVAGE NATION. I highly recomend both, I have learned a lot loistening to both of them. Levin has this parody song, WALKING IN A WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR IN SNOW,its story of a man who enjoys wearing his wife's underwear, that he played a lot during the snowy days last few month. The way I see it conservatives do have a more practical view of the worl, and they are hell of lot funnier people than Liberals.

Posted by Idinraha at 01:14 PM | Comments (0)

Saturday Morning Live

Amin, woke me up about 7:30 this morning, asking daddy can I take a shower with you, I said fine, give me a bit of time, and we will take a shower together, I used to showert both my kids myself as infants and toddlers, up to maybe two years ago, sometimes even three of us, Kiana , Amin, and I would gfet in the shower, and half an hour later after lots of sillyness, and goofing around, I would send them out clean and fresh, it was fun but exhusting. The guy we bought the house from was heftier than me, so our showers are over size, and comfortable even for three.

Before I knew it, Amin was running around the house naked, with his Doodol (penis) in his hand, scaring Kiana, very soon they were both back in the bedroom with Kiana complainig, it seems Amin, had gone to Kiana's room when she was playing with her Karioki, and Kiana had jokingly brings the michrophone next to Amin's butt, and he had one handy, and he Goozed(farted) in Kiana's michrophone. Kiana was moaning and groaning that Amin messed her michrophone, and Amin was laughing devilishly, proud of the power of his Gooz. I told Amin to settle down, and got prepared to shower, when Kiana found out that Amin was going to shower with me, she wanted to join in, thanks god, Marjan came to my rescue and screamed from the other side of the house
Nobody is going to shower with anybody else, so the law was laid, and everybody settled down, Amin went to shower, I went downstairs to get my clothing ready, and Kiana went back to her room, Wow, that woman is powerfull, one scream and everything was back to normal.

After we all showered the kids came to the store with me, so this way marjan would have a day off to herself. Once at the store Kiana set her shop by the door, with a little table and chair, presenting variety of chocholate bars for sale, wrote a sign,CANDY FOR $ 1, and sat waiting for customers. Of course I had to buy one for Amin, one for Kiana, and Grandpa Ahmad also bought one.

I think I found out the source of my underlying anxiety, and I know how to fix it, you see I expect too much from myself, and if I even deviate a bit from the right passage, the guilt would take over and makes me suffer, so no more deviations for me, I know I would miss it, but I have myself to answer to.

March 27th was my dad's birthday, he is seventy eight years old and we did not celebrate his Bday, since we were in the middle of grieving, so I suggested to my mom that we should do that tommorow night when we get to gether over her house, she reluctantly agreed, I just need to tell my sieblings, so they bring gifts, it would make him happy. I have lost six pounds so fare staying sober with not much sugar, and carbs, moderation, working out and sleeping at Munch times.
My face is coming to focus bit by bit.

I have been offered a good business appourtunity, and if I do it right it should be very good for me, I am in negotiation with the other parties, and have asked my friend Jon to watch over me, and keep me in line, so pray for me and wish me luck. Tonight we will be eating dinner over Akrams house, it should be fun, and tommorow night over my mom, LIFE IS GOOD

Posted by Idinraha at 12:30 PM | Comments (1)

April 08, 2005

Gary is as fragile as the moon lite

I would not mention his name, but isn't he ANGRY when he is BEAUTIFULL, for the longest time whenever I used to watch MASH, I used to think, well I could be HOCKEYE, and he would be my BJ, IT WOULD HAVE FIT, I would be impulsive, hyper, sarcastic, sinical, Briliant Doctor, and he would be my sensible, proper, hard to crack, private, Briliant side kick, with his feet firmly on the ground, so whenever I dared too high, he would bring me down and put some senses in me. You see outside the world of Hemosexuallity, men do have a hard time relating to each other as friends, and we have been tought that men can not love each other, unless it is sexuall. I beg to differ, I am a hetrosexuall man, married to a beautifull woman, and raising two kids, and I have been in love, yes in love with other man, with no sexuall demensions to it. My first Crush was a boy called IRAJ PAYDAR, I found him in the junior high at seventh grade, we had many things in common, but also were so different, he was the product of a divorce, with many hang ups, I was the product of WE WILL STAY TOGETHER SINCE WE HAVE KIDS AND WE NEVER FORGIVE EACH OTHER, AND REMIND EACH OTHER OF OUR FAULTS KIND MARRIAGE, and I had my own hang ups.

I love Iraj, he was a very good looking boy, with dark black hair, white skin, beautifull large black eyes, staright nose, and strong jaw. We learned a lot from each other, and most of all we both shared our innocent views, holding to it since we knew it was being taken away. We used to spend every moment together in school, and talk over the phone in the evenings to a point that my mother got suspicious. I lost my innocence sooner than him, he did held on to his, I was taken by the idea of women and having girlfriends, and got assimilated to the juvenile world of erotic dreams, and desires and joined the rest of the pak, and he stayed behind holding his own. He came to see me before he left Iran to come study in US, and we remenesed, and promissed to stay in touch, a few letters went back and forth, and then I came to US, and because of my eye problems fell into depression
He called when the revoloution happened in Iran, and asked me to go back with him, so we could help the revoloution, I told him I was sick and not in a position to make such decision, and I was not as brave as he was. I never heared from him again. Through out the years I have searched here and there, in Iran, in US, but to no avail, I even got my mother to go to their old house in Iran, and look for him, but the house was sold, and no sucsess.

Then I met Fereydoon, but although more sensible that me, he was the product of similar sarroundings, as hyper, and as emotional, we became good friends, only after his main Buddy MOHSEN left for US, and there was a vacant place for me, what kept us together was our similarities, not differences, and we have kept in touch eversince.

And then the guy that I can not mention his name, came around, he was simmilar to Iraj, in his solid sesibilities, properness, politeness, and as different as me as possible, He was the LION and I was the WIND. I remember once he asked me to quit smoking, and I told him he is not a smoker, and he can not ask me to do that. He started smoking, and got to it heavily, something that was so against her Athletic upbringing, and was critisized for it by every one, after a few month, he told me, so I am a smoker now and lets quit together, I had to accept, we set a date. bought a few cartoons of cigarettes, went to my house, opened the windows, and smoked non stop, untill we could not anymore, and from the next day we both quit.

I used to tell Mahnaz, my aunt a lot about him, and when Mahnaz told me that she thought she would never get married, I told her I have the perfect guy to prove her wrong, and introduced them. They fell in love, and after a while, I had lost both my friend, and my aunt, since, three was a crowd, and there was no room for me. they got married and came to US, they visited me once in NEW YORK, and then life went on. once in a while a call, a card, and that was it. I missed him, and I missed her, untill through Liisa I got to find his email, and his site, which was such marvel to me. He asked why I have registered Idinraha.com, I told him about how I always wanted to have a place for my peotry, and he said he could help me with that, and that how DR FRANKESTINE, created the MONSTER.

And now this, he is threatenning not log in any more, Yes, yes you can join me and cry, he is gonna take away the sun, and the moon, and spring and summer and everything that is good with this life, the north, south, east and west, but as I wrote him back, it would not be much fun without him here. and he knows that by logging here at least he will keep me far enough, otherwise I will be camping outside his door, and I do not think he would like that(yes thats a threat), but all kidding aside, COME BACK TO FIVE AND DIME JIMMY DEAN !

Posted by Idinraha at 09:47 AM | Comments (1)

April 07, 2005

better late.......

The technician took my laptop away last night to work on it, so this morning I came to the office, and no laptop, I felt so lost, did not know what to do with myself, about two o'clock I went and picked up the laptop, and have been busy ever since on the floor, so now is ten minutes after five and I got the first appourtunity to get here, HELLO

Well, well, we got some new comments, from Maryam and MeTal, thanks babes, you rock, Cyrus is still offended by my piece CROSS FIRE, and refuses to leave comments, get over it man, you bother me and I call you AN ELLITE LEFTIST, although I talked to him, and he said he is not deviated to the left any way, well my lovely mancruash as I told you
over the phone WE ARE NOT IN IRAN ANYMORE, this is a free coutry, so dont get mad get even, write a guest Rant for us and tell us whatever your heart desires. I know he is busy with the new project he is working on, and he is not home as much, so we will wait for him, My lovemonger, Fereydoon left us a massage and we talked over IM, Fafar should be back by now from vacation, and it would be nice to hear from her, and for all of those who visit and dont leave any comments, PLEASE GET OVER YOURSELVES, and your internet phobias, get in the discussions, you will be better for it.

I made it to the Gym early today, and made a record of doing a mile in nine minutes, that is a first for me in quite a while, I also did shoulders, talked to my hommies, and after the shower I found myself getting dressed with Ray next to me, Ray is gay, and he is okay with it, he is one of the sweetest men I know and if I was not so taken by Anthony he could have been my another mancrush. Anyway he is about my age, and while I was trying to put some lotion on my face, the tube exploded, and a big wad of cream was splashed over on the mirror, he looked at it and we both laughed, then he said very calmly, " Dont you wish for the days that we could do that with such pressure and volume, and I just nodded, after he got in the shower, he said I should leave the cream on the mirror and tell Anthony that we were able to work it out and left a souvenier for him, which I did, as I was leaving Ronn walked to the locker room and I could hear him laughing. You see, us men are so feeble, and a bit of laughter does a lot for us, and nothing like a men's locker room brings out the MACHISMO in all of us.

Well Cyrus refuses to discuss the two pragraphs I sent him for the book, so I did send a copy to MeTal, and am waiting for her responce.
I am not very happy with them, I think, I rushed a bit and need to go back and develope them some more.

WE had ASHEH RESHTEH, last night cooked by Akram to perfection and delivered by Marjan, it was out of this world, and Marjan is cooking me CHELOKABAB, tonight, Cyrus eat your heart out. After I got cyrus's message that he was offended by my Rant, it really bothered me, you know how much I love my MAIN MAN, but these days he is so thin skinned, I do not know what to do with him, even when I visit his site, CYCHO.COM , and want to leave a message for him, I am so carefull, it's like walking on egg shells. He is going to make me run back for therapy. Talking of therapy, I am not myself these days, My farmacist gave me a generic version and PAXIL, and it seems they are not doing what they should do, so there is an undertone of anxiety in me, and of course Cyrus with his new thin skin is not helping the situation, I am trying to get to more heavy lifting in the gym, and more speedy cardio, maybe that helps, any suggestion anyone ?

I will take donations in the form of Original Paxill, if any of you have some, PLEASE sent it over night or I might go Postal

Posted by Idinraha at 05:10 PM | Comments (9)

April 06, 2005

I am tired

Ah, that was good, just came back from the Gym, it's such a great feeling after you are done. I am not as strong as I used to be, so from tommorow I will be back to my original routine, of working on one set of muscles at a time, tommorow I will work on my shoulders, and also add more cardio to get myself under 10 minutes a mile.

My darling Cyrus has set up the setting for the book, and I have written two more paragraph and sent a copy to Cyrus and MeTal for some input. I think it still needs work, and I have not fleshed out the setting of the story properly, maybe a paragraph should be inserted between the two I wrote today, I am hoping that by next week, I will post some of the writing, maybe at least the first half of the first chapter, I know you can not wait.

Tommorow I will also post two new poems of mine, and I will ask MeTal's permission to post one of hers, no volounteers for the new set of Guest Rants yet, and i forgot to ask Marjan, if she will write us one, Julia would be a good candidate too, although she is a very busy woman. I saw Babkie at the Gym today, he advised me op properway of spelling his name. Maryam and Fereydoon has left comments, so I wont cancell their subscribtion yet.

I am tired, I am supposed to meet a rep from Tommy Bahamas today, and a technician is also coming to check my problems with my printer,
i can not wait to go home, have a nice meal, and get some energy in the form of hugs and kisses from my lovelies, and maybe a long good night sleep.

Posted by Idinraha at 04:33 PM | Comments (2)

Angels in America

I think if I say it loud enough I would hear the echo of my own words, I am still in a funk, I have this abbility to train my body, change my life style, and move closer to what I need at certain times of my life, I just have to start, usually by changing my sleeping hours, if I sleep earlier, I get to rise earleir, go to the Gym, get all the tension of what goes around me out of my body, clear my head, and feel better about myself, then I get to a rhythm, and as long as I dont deviate from the set pattern, I will be fine, then after a while I get boared and change the routine, It's layziness, boredom or trying to experience this little time I have on this earth within different skins.

I have never been a fanatic believer in anything, I believe in changing and evolving, I am not the person I was twenty or even two years ago, I like changes I look forward to them, I read as much as I can, and have a ever present curiosity for knowing more, for there is so much to know and so little time. and that is what always attracts me to other people I meet, their intelligent curiosity, their flexibility toward change. There are basic beliefs in me that have not changed and I hope they never do, believing in value of human life, the ability of man kind, the need in all of us to be good, self respect which leads to self affirmation and peace within, a man's role in the family, how to be a good husband and friend, in paternal direction, and necessity of both parents presence in every child's life, I am against aboortion and the role it plays in our political elections, I am also for pro choice, what a woman does to her body is her choice, but taking a life of another being is the choice she should not have unless it danger's her own life. I am for Capital punishment, I am for strict execution of the rules of law, I concode forgiveness, and most of all I believe In every man and womans God given right to freedom, and persue of happiness. I am very much for keeping the santity and roles of marriage between a man and wome, I am for gay rights as long as it does not infringe the hetrosexuall's life, do what you want in your bedroom, it is your choice, I am against pornogrophy, though I have enjoyed it at some time or another myself, but I think protecting pornography under the first amandment has only encouraged the corruption of our societies, and has made it a billion dollar industry, and aq predetor of our young man and women. We could all live better without it, since as some one said, the world has been devided to two groups the ones that make porn and the ones that watch it. I belive in discretions in our public presence, ettikette, and certain modesty in how we present ourselves in society.

I do not like orgenised religions, though I realise the necessaty of God's presence in our daily life, I regard that as a personal choice for every oneand believe in freedom of religion. I am a conservative in my poliical views, Ronald Reagan views, helped me shape my idealogy of concervetism, but that is different than what being a Republican is, I am not a Republican, but a conservetive. I like most of what George Bush has done in it foreign policy, I belive indecisive, strong leaders that make the difficult choice and stick to it. however I do not agree with Mr Bush on his domestic policies, from Prescription Drugs, and health insurance gauranties, to Immigration policies, and allowing the illegal aliens to get Driving Licences, or the benefits of wellfare. I think judicial branch of the government needs some checks and balances, and federal judges should not be allowed to legistlate from the bench, we do have a legistlative body for that, Judges are infringing the power of executive office and the congress.

I belive in Rock and Roll, Long soft kissed, walking in the rain, touching, hugging, laughter, life, death, humanity, family, marriage,
respecting the elders, opening doors for your companions, fathers supporting their kids emotionally and spiritually, and of course Love, and Loving.

There is a movie out there made by HBO, Angels in America, based on play by Tony Kushner. Its a tour de force of a movie , a must see for patrons of good movies, with fantastic acting by Al Pacino, and Meryl Streep, if you can get it , watch it you are for a treat.

There is also an old French movie, called; Hairdresser's wife, with magical quality to it, another must see specially for Fereydoon, our Lovemonger Gigolo, also MOSTLY MARTHA, another little gym from German Cinema that is worth watching. For Jazz enthusiast, a new Album by JOHN LEGEND is highly recomended, and if you can find the book EARTHQUACKE BIRD, read it, one of the rare novels I have enjoyed lately.

Loredana, has promised me a book by Ayan Rand, and econnomist philosppher, with contrversial sexuall habits, I can not ait to read it, and I let you know how I enjoyed it. we watched SOMETHING GOT TO GIVE, last night, ll of us, it was better than what I thought and great fun. It seems I have managed to offend all of you in one way or another, only FEREYDOON has left me a comment lately, but you will be back soon I know.

Posted by Idinraha at 10:18 AM | Comments (0)

April 05, 2005

Where did you all go

I am sure, it's not my B O, but every one disappeared at the same time, hey, I am sure you are all busy, plowing along your life, we all live busy lives, and you will come back to me, wouldn't you.

Well, we all lost a good man, and the word most said about him since his departure has been thaqt he was very human, with an inquisite mind, full of life, he like to joke, and tease, and he came to forgive the man who tried to kill him, now thats special. and what a life he had, he was an actor, consentration camp survivor, a freedom fighter, a philosopher, a writer, a leader, a charismatic figure, that could put his audiance at ease with a smile, he helped in cooperation with Ronald Regan, and Margaret Tacher to put an end to the comunism, appologised to jewish people for lack of responce of the Vatican during the HOLOcaust, first pope to visit Israel, and first pope to go into a masque for a prayer, a formidable supporter
of anit abbortion causes, visited most countries in the world, had a soft spot for the christians in Latin America, God bless him, and may his memory flurishes in glory of God.

I think every thing that happened in the last month is catching up with me, I got up yesterday feeling queezy, and kinda short of breath, more like anxiety, so took an Aspirin and harried to the GYM, and sweat it out for over an hour, it was nice to see the old morning gang, and them asking where have I been. Excdersize is my best remedy for finding balance, physically and mentally. I do feel a bit overwhelmed, and business being the way it is, whether i like it or not takes something away from me every day. I have been able to strenghten my Cardio health, by doing three mile every day on the cross trainer in about 33 minutes. which is very good for a man of my girth, but I will be pushing further, I am also back to my old weight lifting routine, so maybe, maybe I could fit in that Tiny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini that Cyrus sent me. Also by excersizing more I get to sleep earlier, so no munchies at night, and sleep longer.
During the day, I buy myself a bag of BEAR NAKEDm all natural high protein cereal, and munch on it little by little all day, and only half a bag per day, so as long as I stick to this regiman, I should have my girlish figure back soon.

Spring is here and sun is hining, life goes on, talking us to new adventures, and experiences, and I should again, and again, Life is a gift, and LIFE IS GOOD

Posted by Idinraha at 09:19 AM | Comments (2)

April 03, 2005

Notes to Myself..........................by Hugh Prather

How much do i really love people ?
If I had been cut off from people for twenty or thirty years--
Totally cut off--I would love to hear the yelling upstairs, the
Screming of the children, the barking dog, the loud music. I would
not want it all shut off as I went to slepp, but would savor it
even as I dozed off.

Posted by Idinraha at 01:37 PM | Comments (0)

discovering me, discovering you

It is so deliciously obvious to me, that we delve in love and loving, the kind that comes with understanding and discovery of
unknown territories. This site has been such a blessing to my life,
sitting here, registering my far away thoughts without realising any boundries, taking the layers off, on by one, prancing naked, showing you who I am, or my perception of who I thrive to be. Allowing you to come inside me, within the deep elements of my thoughts and being, where not many have been allowed before, and bringing even to my sight where I had not dared before in my life.

I know Marjan loves me more, since she reads me here, and there is a growing intimacy between us. the way she looks at me at the dinner table, serves me tea, and the privilage of our common bond, beyond the physicality of our cohabitaion, and nurturing this beautiful garden of our lives. And I have also seen it in Maryam , my sister, we have never been this close and aware of each other, even my brother Hossein, who does visit here sometimes. The way Fafar is even more loving, and caring, expressing her emotions, the way Shahrzad stands closer and talks to me much more than she used to.
I know Fereydoon although he has always been the keeper of the messages, and the host of my many rants before, but even him stands closer in his Emails and messages. And Cyrus my eternal man crush, as manly and carefull as he is in his expressions, he is also much closer to me, and I do owe him so much, for arranging this, for pushing me to go on, and write, to find a way to become so much closer to the people I love, and show them who I thrive to be.

There is a lesson in this, there is such a pity for us becoming so unaware of each other in this society, even when we live under the same roof, and sleep in the same bed. It is such epidemic malady of lonliness, and isolation amongst all of us that inhibit this earth. we have lost the sight of each other amongst the STUFF we gather for our living, they have come to abstract our visions, and torture the simple, soft , lost essence of us that yearns for togetherness and understanding, for we have been blessed by the allmighty with capability of loving and floating in its everpresnt glow, serving us physically and spiritually and yet we do not know who to unwrap this gift, how to give it and if given how to take it.

And I am so much in debt to Cyrus for all his effort and to all of you who take the time and come to me for our gathering and exchanges, for our sharing, -for writers do live a lonely life and yearn to be discovered and brought to the warmth of light. and I owe you this, for you , each and every one, the ones that leave comments and the ones that do not. all of you have made me better, and made my life more joyfull. Thanks

Posted by Idinraha at 01:09 PM | Comments (0)

Cross Fire

good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, wellcome to CROSS FIRE, On the left we have Maryam Ahmadi, PHD,an out of work, housewife,famous for the size of her balls, and her firey dialogues, and CYrus Choobineh MMC, a house husband, specialist in Marketing and snow boarding, famous for his pratfalls, and mind blowing puzzles. On the right Fereydoon EtebariTGO, a self made gigolo, and Mortgage analyst, famous for his insabale desire for girls south of border, and anything that moves, and Javad Ahmadi FHA, an over weight, male lesbian, self emplyed and sorry, famous for his only achiement in life, marrying his wife. These four thespians of social anarchy will discuss the hot political issues of the day, in their eternal thrive to reach harmony in the societies they live, and also to seek their fifteen minutes of fame.

Well, how about that, so far CANE AND ABLE, has gotten the most heated comments on this site, and unknowingly we have come to express our thoughts and ideas from our own very different perspective of life. I wellcome it, it is good and healthy as long as it does not dipp into name calling, extending beyound accusations of our parents infidilities. On one side we have two highly educated home bodies, as different as they could be, in their physics, and lives, Maryam, and Cyrus. Both related to me,( they would like to deny it of course). and on the other side, two Business man(a succesfull one, and a reluctant one), educated, in love with themselves, one painting the town red, and one dreaming about it, FEREYDOON, and Javad. So let the discussions begin, please no punching below the belt, and no name calling. The topics: where is George Bush and is he as dumb as he looks! ( I personally object to this line of topics, but I have to throw my friends from the left a bone to begin), Why Bill Clinton does not use Humidifiers for his cigars, instead of......( could not resist that one, sorry), Gun Control, Gay weddings, are judges legistlating from the bench, Terry Schivo,.......and the main question Would Maryam Ahmadi join the HIllary Clinton Ticket for 2008 election, since they both have over sized....Hmmmm, I meant to say Egoes.

But seriously, this will be good, I look forward to it. let me know what you think. I had a pleasent surprise yesterday, Julia, my Italian sister in law who is famous for her marriage to my elegant Brother in law Amir, and her wonderfull food recipes, that has resulted in three handsome, tall, nicely built sons. A superwoman of sort, that runs a very demanding business with her husband, and a well run household. I have seen her and Amir growing closer as the years go by, and complimating each other's lives beautifully. It's nice to have her here, I am sure she would bring a very energetic point of view to our Dialogues. last night at the dinner over Akram's house, she said, " It's Ironic, that Terry Schivo got herself sick, by being a BULIMIC, and at the end she got to starve to death !!", a very interesting observation. Julia also is going to help me, find a new venue for my poetry, she knows of a place in town that has poetry readings, and has offered to help me get an audiance there. that should be fun, although with the graphic nature of my potery we might be asked to leave the town. Thanks again Julia.

Well, it is sunday morning, dont forget to put your watches one hour ahead, I am sitting at the store, waiting for customers, reading samuel Beckett.

Posted by Idinraha at 11:16 AM | Comments (3)

April 02, 2005

songs of Jeremiah, dreams of ferries

Imagine a field, on the edge of graveyard.... you have to follow me quietly, -the sun in falling behind the blue dark void of the sky, and twilight is here, when everything loses its focus, and melts within the background of darkening amber, that fades to black.

Lets wait, I hear movement, the dry leaves, and there in that corner,look, you see a hand coming out of the ground, and and arm, a shoulder and I see her head, and soon she is up from the dust, and soil, and there is the thunder, the black clouds moving in, and yes, I feel the drops of the rain, and soon its a shower storm, wind blows, look, she is walking towrd us, such beutiful creature as our eyes pick the silluhette of her frame, she is walking toward us, in measured steps, and there you see, she is a godess, a face in perfection, with her black hair wet stiking to her hair, and shoulders of creamy white lucent in the dark, a glow of white, you look how she passed us by, lets follow her behind, and there there is a Black Piano, suddenly visible, she stands by it, and then sits behind the piano, and amist the rain and storm the sounds come to life, the notes, extention of her fingers and play of wires they fly and stand within the air, and the sound, the melody of resurection, as she plays.

there are foot steps, many, and yes you see there are coming, in a pach, of wild wolves, all in white, as their eyes shimmer against the dark, they come, and soon they are sarrounding her, though she seems prancing in a different reality, playing, bringing the piano to life, as the rain washes over them, with her sitting and them all around her quietly , taken bu the sound, the melodies of her witchery, and then she stops sudden, and for a second the time comes to halt, like a picture and then you hear them growl as they close on her, she sits , not screaming, but wellcoming their paws, fangs and teeth, as they tear her to pieces, and all you see in blood and the songs of their teeth as they chew her in pieces.

The night is spent and the day is coming, within our site, the picture breaks to pieces, and soon there is only dust, and ashes carried by the wind, like she has never been, and the wolves never came, but, you saw it, we saw it, and we wont forget.

Posted by Idinraha at 06:14 PM | Comments (0)

Notes to Myself.............................by Hugh Prather

There is a part of me that wants to write, a part that wants to theorise, a part that wants to sculpt, a part that wants to teach...
To force myself into a single role, to decide to be just one thing in life, would kill off large parts of me.

Posted by Idinraha at 02:24 PM | Comments (0)

Jokes by Kiana

How do you stop a Bull from charging ?
You take away his credit card.

What animal sleeps with his shoes on ?
A Horse

What did the doctor gave the sick pig?
OINT- ment

Posted by Idinraha at 02:17 PM | Comments (0)

Ron Jeremy, and Raymond Burr

They say what you drive says a lot about who you are, lets see, I drive an old Toyota Fourrunner with over 160,000 miles on it. its dark green with dark beige leather(used to be beije), It runs well and once in a while a change of oil fixes it good. It's reliable, its weathered, I do not wash it, or wax it, I just drive it. So what does that say about me, OLD, Cluncky,and weathered, and maybe more.
I once bought me self a S430 Mercedes Benz, coaxed by Janis Choplin, and a smooth salesman, drove it for two or three weeks, I felt emb-arresed driving it, it was too big, too showy, and I do not like to care for things, so I was going to send it back, but my beautifull
wife came to my rescue and took it off my hand.

I know Cyrus drives an Audie TT. a fast, all wheel drive, sexy two seater, I do not know how he fits in it, but what does that says about him. that he is fast and sexy, and drives on all fours, and does not have any place in his car(life) except for his beloved wife?
I have noticed that as we are getting older, we need, or maybe I need more reliability and safety in a car than anything else, although even when I was younger I never had a taste for a two seater
sport cars. Our prferences change as we do.

I was at the Gym this morning, and Anthony asked me about my poem, LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, It seems Babki has read the poem on the site, and thought it was written with Debbie in mind. She is the only Red hair in the Gym, and we did a bit of partner dancing at the Anthony's party, and once in a while we see each other on the treadmill, and talk as we do our excersie. I was surprised that Babki still checks the site, also delighted, but I did inform them that Debbie was not the inspiration for my Ghoulish, erotic poem. They also know about the book, I am trying to write, and they are casting amongst themselves for the movie. And asked me who should play me, I thought Raymond Burr (Perry Mason), would be a good fit, but he is not with us any more, Sean suggested a famous Porn star, RON JEREMY, I was not very happy. so any suggestion, let me know.

I have fleshed out more of my chracter in the book, first of all i rememberd his name is Malcolm, not Milton, and the title of the book is MALCOLM and BRIAN, so there are changes already. I know next week I will sit down one night and will write some more, and after passing it by my Editor, Cycho man, I will probably give you a taste in two weeks. How about that.

Fereydoon, our LOVEMONGER, sent me a comment and he seems to have enjoyed my rant,CANE AND ABLE, he is somehow deviated to the right like me, thanks my gigolo. Metal also sent a comment about the same subject, and I wrote back to both of them. Fafar is in LA, I know Shahrzad, and her hobby Hossein read the pages but no comments yet.
Andrew, my trainer friend asked for the site address again, Cyrus is probably excorsizing his laptop's demons, Maryam has not left any more comments yet, and we are rounding the circle again. So any one for a guest Rant, I need volounteers, maybe i should ask Marjan to do one, hmm, maybe I will

Posted by Idinraha at 01:33 PM | Comments (0)

April 01, 2005

CANE and ABLE

Well as most of you know my deviations is mostly to the right, i believe in RESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEINGS, not only responsible for themselves but also for others. I believe in cause and effect, you water a plant, leave it in the sun, it grows, you do not, it will die. that simple.

Who knows why things happen the way they do, there is a devine knowing out there, but, we are also capable animals, we can think, use logic, and push further for our betterment. If we believe every thing is pre-destined, then we are selling ourselves short, and demotting ourselves to the level of basic animals. As I said before Jean paul Sartre, believes, that we are not only responsible for ourselves but our fellow human beings, if any one of us suffers we are all to blame, as thinking, logical learning human beings, we are to blame. There is a tendency amongst us to blame each other, that is fine, since we are in this together. But we also try to blame objects, lifeless objects, that do not have any function unless used by us.

It was early first or second century, after the invention of sharp metal object, knives, or daggers, that a coalotion of human rights on the left, protested the use of sharp metal items, and wanted to ban the production of such tools. Of course the manufactures of sharp metal object, knives and daggers, reasoned that these items are used for every day living, hunting, skinning animals, cutting vegatables, and they hired PR companies to voice their opinions, they also belived that sharp metal item, do not move by theselves, or kill any one on their own, they are used by human beings for that particular funtion.

Some even brought an advertising campain, called, "Cane, and Able, and the intoduction of killing ", going as far as taking actions against God, and his savagery by allowing human beings to kill. the action was brought in state and federal courts. There were also a whole campaign, of KNIVES DONT KILL, MEN DO, which filled up the air waves and the newspaper pages. with the reasoning that our forefathers, have declared in constitution, that as free poeple we have a right to bear knives, to defend ourselves, against the CANE AND ABLE epidemic, and also the tyranny of our governments.

However both parties on different side of this argument, knew that all their efforts are futile and the argument was mostly used as political ploy for powere hungry politicians. and of course left leaning, elites in the pack that did not believe in human responsibilty and found it easier to blame objects rather than our long tradition of CANE AND ABLISIM.

It's of course easier to put a bandaid on a wound, and not probe further for the causes, as human beings we are all basically lazy, and we do not like to go after far reaching goals, we do not want to know what ails our societies, and try to cure it, we like to turn our head, and allow the media and news papers to tell us what we all think based on the latest polls. we make our opinions based on what we are fed on different news channels by talking heads, rather than getting involved in discussions, in public circles and places.

We live lonely lives that mostly invole our cohabiting with machines and objects, which allow us to distant ourselves from each other. basically we are not comunicating, while looking in each others eyes, we are seeing less of each other, and we suffer for it.

News Bulliton: " last night, a twenty years old young man was killed by another twenty years old man by one cut of the knife trough the heart", or it could read, " a young man was killed last night by a knife that cut his main artery, no other man was involved, the knife in question is at large and athorities are on the hunt", or another version, " a mchine gun unhappy with its capabilities in life and feeling isolated went on a man hunt by itself, killing postal workers, the machine gun is at large with authoroties searching for it.

Who started this, well we have to go back, way back, CANE AND ABLE, are definitely to balme, and there is a lot of them in all of us, and what are we going to do after we took away all the knives and guns, and yes we have to clear all the stones, cause as I belive, one of them killed the other with a piece of stone.

Posted by Idinraha at 10:05 AM | Comments (9)