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May 22, 2005
Intercourse
Yes you can become independent of your parents financially, which I have been for the last twenty five years. I have always worked in my life, I value hard work, I think it is also a blessing. And the way I see it ( I am sure my sibblings will disagree), I have given much more than I have taken, there is a sense of balance, pride and decency in me, that I get from my mother, one of the most decent, elegant proud people I know, I have to do right by people around me, and I get more pleasure in giving than taking.
But can you become emotionaly independent of your parents, that is whole another story. As a second child I have always seeked my parents' approval, that was the reason that I was in the second grade by the time I was five years old, two years ahead of my peers. that is the reason that having a BS was not enough, and I had to go for my MBA, although I never finished it, since by then I was heavily involved in the family business, and was making good money. I had to be better than anybody else, I had to marry the prettiest girl from the best family I could ( that one I achieved ). I always had to have the classiest girl friends, the most beautiful. Just had to
I am a proud man who has made his many mistakes, and like any other things in my life, my mistakes were even bigger than the others. I know myself, I know I am not the best of my kind, there are many smarter, harder working, nicer Iranian men in this country, that do a lot more than me, but i never stop trying. I am a generous , kind man, who does value people more than money. I have given away so much in my life, to the disamy of my wife, and even endangering my own econimical salvancy. I have effected many lives, and that is the source of pride for me.
I am impulsive, always looking for emotional connections, new beginnings, new introduction, I am not the best husband any woman can have and I am aware of it, God knows how much Marjan has put up with me, and how many times she has forgiven me for my short comings. But she thinks and has told me that she is a better person because of marrying me. I try to be a good father, that come so naturally to me, I see marrying Marjan and having my kids, and the privilage of lkiving with Marjan and raising my kids the biggest achievement of my life, and whenever someone asks me why I am not more ambitious financially , I tell them, maybe because I already have what many men with so much more money strive for.
I have my depression, my ghosts, my childhood, and my memories that inspire and allow me in my artistic quests. And i celebrate all of them, nooks and cranny, warts and all. For I am content with my geography, my elements, my wishes and dreams, I could be a lot better person, but I am okay. I do love my parents, and my sibblings, although I always tell them that I am the addopted one(pompus ass).
And again I say it since I mean it, I am blessed with all of you, and all you give me, your time, your thoughts, what else could a man ask for.
Would I ever become emotionaly independent of my parents, well I am working on it, And, when one is damaged, if one celebrates that damage, and deal with it it becomes ones' treasure. So I am a wo0rk in progress, and that is also allright.
I was writing in this morning about woman, and how they give so much of themselves in just the practice of intercourse, allowing somebody to enter you physically takes a lot of giving, lots of generosity, and many men might not realise that how much at that moment they are reciveing. I am not a woman(no kidding), but I think in a way by allowing you inside my psyche, inside my hed and my thoughts, I am bordering the same generosity, allowing you an intercourse with all that makes me, ME.
Posted by Idinraha at May 22, 2005 11:35 AM
Comments
Well, if I may say this, it's not that you are not giving. It's the extreme that I believe is not healthy. You are either in love or hate. One week you pour all loves an affection and give all you have to someone and the next week you reject them. You have to think about your family, your wife and kids and they should be number one in your life. Buying cars, giving your credit cards or money to other people, family or friend, do not make sense. I have never in my life loan money to anybody and I have never asked anyone for a loan. I have never done the things you've done for family and friends. But at the same token, I've never rejected anyone like you do. Am I going too far? I can't believe I'm saying what I've always wanted to tell you on these pages. Please don't post it if it's too much. But I always kept my distance from you due to fear of rejection. I don't have that with any other of my brothers.
Posted by: Maryam at May 22, 2005 02:06 PM
Wow! So this was an intercourse?! (lighting a cigarette and taking a drag) - hope it was good for you... seemed kind of one-sided to me, but hey, whatever works...
Posted by: cycho ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.idinraha.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at May 23, 2005 01:31 AM
Emotional independence? The word for that is differentiation and comes from Bowen's Extended Family Systems Theory. The idea is that people need to strive for it in order to be able to function properly. It is not about disconnecting oneself emotionally from a family but about learning to effectively manage your emotions - setting up clear boundaries (we're going into structural family therapy here), in order to avoid getting emeshed with others (basically where you loose our own identity and who we are as a person).
In plain English - if you allow your parents to constantly control your emtions, you can never take charge of yourself. Failure to take charge of onself can lead to feelings of loss and depression in some people. Of course there are some circumstances in life we cannot control, but if we cannot manage our emotions (something we should be able to do), it will lead us feeling very lost and in distress.
Posted by: ShrinkLady at May 25, 2005 11:28 PM