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June 09, 2005
Over medicated
well, 400 mg of advil, first thing in the moning, another Zitromax, and its "show time", the throat is still sore, the fever still here, walking around the house like an old man, this morning Marjan asked me if I am okay, I just looked at her, did not know how to answer that, I guess it will takes its course, and while I am being medicated, I am enjoying the calmness of my moves, there is a certain clarity in my head, like I can hear myself better(Oyway), or think more clear, I do feel more present here, maybe its my fatalistic side, that gets calmed down as long as something is wrong with me, no UNDER TOW, same urges which make me feel better if my car has a dent on one side, and I rather not fix it, shiny perfect things scare me, its walking the fine line, but as long as I am sick everything will be allright.
I had to buy Kiana her chocolate milk before I come to work, she wanted bagel with creme cheese too, loving her is such a pleasure, she rewards you every time, by her recognition, by her gestures, by her wonder, I also tried an Ice coffee this morning, actually not bad, not bad at all, the coldness of it allows you to taste the milk, the coffee, and the nutty flavor even seprately, so it was all tingles in my mouth, and my tongue was very happy delivering new tastes to me. driving to work, as you know I like familiar territories, so Dido again, no it is not the only CD I have in the car, I have at least five others, Norah Jones,....... but these days and for a number of days lately, DIDo has been delivering the right sound to me, and the lyrics, okay I will stop, no more praising Dido. It is like praising Cyrus, I enjoy the praising so I do it regularly, wondering if anybody else enjoy, not Cyrus, but Dido as much as I do.
Anyway, driving down here, I was listening to the music with the sunroof open, the windows open the air rushing in, and an amasing calmness all around and about me, certain happiness, satisfaction, so I asked myself, if I had a chance to live my life again would I do anything different?, one of my friends asked me that question once walking half drunk in streets of Manhathan. I answered him the same way, NO, there would be no need, and if I had the chance I probably do it the same exact way, maybe I will be kinder to those I love, but I would not change other's treatment of me. would you ?
We all do make mistakes, and we all have failliers in life, but those mistakes and failliers are as much yours as your victories and successes, and in many ways they are responsible and the base of how you have come to this point, so you get to claim them, accept them, take responsibility for them, and they become yours, the foot prints, the map of your life, a little left turn here maybe, a little right there, your deviations, your choices, and they are okay.
well another 2000mg of Tylenol, would set the day in the right direction; Are you getting enough hugs theses days, I mean bear hugs, long hugs, has her or his lips melted in your mouth lately, making you wanting more, are you as thrilled as me watching women in summer dresses, do you sometime allow yourself to ache for someone or something, have stayed up all night with the beloved talking, watching the sunrise, any walks by the beach, have been scared lately, allowing your heart to pump faster, when was the last time or have you ever went skinny dipping with strangers, are you getting enough love in your life, are you giving enough love to others around you, are you missing any one, or do you think there are people out there missing you. when was the last time you stayed naked in front of the mirror, are you getting enough orgasems in your life, are you lonely, are you happy, did she leave you, or you left her, do you remember the first time you made love, do you remember his or her name,DO YOU?
DOES LIFE STILL THRILL YOU, ARE YOU EXPECTING SOMEONE. do you let the ice cream drip on your chin, when was the last time you ate with your hands, do you enjoy Oral sex, do you know your body, do you know hers, or his body, do you still hum , and a certain happiness finds you when that song plays on the radio, have you swam far away from the shore, or take a walk in the woods, would you risk everything for that perfect stranger that has known you and been looking for you, the silent one, that comes and takes you away for an afternoon some where outside your zone. Are you getting what you want or getting what you need is good enough.
Do you think I am over medicated and would this rant ever end. LIFE IS GOOD
Posted by Idinraha at June 9, 2005 08:45 AM
Comments
Dido is cool. I'd listen to her anyday over listening to Cyrus. She is the praise-worthy one!
And I'll abbreviate my answers to your numerous questions: YES (60%), NO (40%), and June 9 2005.
Posted by: cycho ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.idinraha.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at June 9, 2005 11:04 AM
Oh My Delicious Marble man, nobody answers questions, and at the same time deprives the questionier from any knowing the way you do, deliciously witty, mixed in reality of you,
I miss you so much, in a very good way. well,...good for me at least. would you elaborate......nah, you would not.
Posted by: Idinraha at June 9, 2005 11:32 AM
I did your onine quiz and my answers were YES (20%) and NO (80%). May be I need to be more adventurous...
Idni, if you are not getting better in the next couple of days, call your MD. Strep has become resistant to many antibiotics...mine cleared up in 24 hours (the headaches and fever) though I was still really exhausted and needed rest.
"SL"
Posted by: ShrinkLady at June 10, 2005 02:37 AM