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August 02, 2005
Captains log, Day two
As we are going inside the real of imagination, to go where many has ventured before and have come back with less of themselves, for there is always a cost.
I am anxious, the book is going good, and I have been writing at least two hours daily. i feel my writing is more together and seamless in the last three chapter, maybe because the scenes are more intimate which appels more to my style of writing. It has been such a learning experience, and there is some confidence in me now, knowing how good or bad the result I have had the courage and the discipline to take a stab at it. He told me long time ago, that I did have a choice to get out of it, not knowing, by writing about the task, I had made it impossible for myself not. I think, maybe not the style of writing, or the story, but the volume of the writing has surprised him.
It is not that the jest of the writing or the essence of it is just to impress him, but in some ways being able to feel worthy of the effort that many has taken to bring me here, and their trust and promise in me. Again I might finish the book, and never get to publish it, but it would be my book, warts an all, and so very dear to me, for I have experienced it by the hours that I have put in it, no matter how deliciously enjoyable those hours have been.
I remember when i was going to school, and working in the store, although we did not have much to live on, I always knew that I had to finish what I started it. Many of my friends under the same situation did give up, but I got there by the skin of my teeth.
" you will have all the times in the world to finish your book, while we are away", she told me, in a way she is excited for me, the other day she said "if you finish your book, I could tell every one when I am asked, that my husband is a writer.".
Flirting with the girls at the coffee shop makes me feel like a dirty old man, but in a way, it sustains me, I do not know why it matters so much, to recieve those looks, the fliricious stares, but some of it might be to fill a certain sense of vanity, of being still recognised, they say men cheat on their wives cause they are afraid of dying, I say, I flirt so I could still be in the game, play, like a kid that I was used to. Playing is important to any one of us psychologically, going trough life with worries and respomsobolities, playiong allows us a certain release. Ido get myself in some thight situations, by flirting and being shameless, but so far i have been able to be happy at that and be able to flee when i have to , keeping my virtue, and in many ways my respect for myself intact.
Captain's log, heh, in a way we are all taking that trip within all live, going toward the black hole of death, and it is all the discoveries thaqt keeps us on oujr toes, the discoveries within our psyche and the imperessions it takes from the world we live in. captain Kirk symbolises all the humanity in us, all our urges, fears, and desire, and Spock, is our logic, our conscious, and they both come quite handy when we need them against all the aliens we see in our search. It is that simple.
today my experience of the life I live is of a Forty six years old man, with some gray hair, not much, a very grayed beard, still flirting with life and its possibilities. and trying very hard to fit within the logic of his time, while not depriving his creative side.
She worries about me, she worries about leaving me alone, at eight she has much better understanding of human emotions and sensibilities that many women I know, i hope I deserve her, i hope she would be proud of me, and understand my short comings," i will miss you", she says," no you wont, you should not, there is so much for you tosee once there, and you know i will be here once you come back, so go, and have fun", I say. and I am curious how I will react, how I will survive, but I know I will.
Posted by Idinraha at August 2, 2005 04:51 PM
Comments
So what's with all the "Antecedant-Free Pronouns"? Is it an extra layer of security or some new Identity Protection Program?
Did Uhura put you up to this?
Posted by: cycho ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.idinraha.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at August 3, 2005 02:24 AM
Just allowing people more privacy my dear man, I can not win with you, I thought you wanted me to be more disciplined.
Posted by: Idinraha at August 3, 2005 08:08 AM