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August 13, 2005
Talking to myself
I have started talking to myself now. Last night my precious Kiana called. She is missing her daddy something bad. I had been proud of myself(why I don't know), that I had not cried since they left, but she cried over the phone, and soon so did I. Why does our heart ache when we are seprated from our loved ones. What is the mechanic behind it. I mean we are made of flesh and bones, how do emotions get in this and why they do to us what they do.
I wanna have a sky in blue, dark blue with velvety texture and stars spread all over it, shining in their icy glow. I want little prince on that far planet to stay with his rose, and never leave. I want fox and snake to go back to his planet with him. It would be a bit crowded but, I had the best times of my life in small quarters living close to the ones I love. Loneliness is so eternal, so extended, there are no voices, no sparkling eyes and kind words. I know we ar born alone nd die alone, but in between we get a chance to become domesticated to acquire a taste for belonging and every day ceremonies.
I watched BREAKFAST AT TIFFANYS again and half a way through it I found my main chracter for my next book, Bart, yeah another writer looking for inspiration but this one will do something about. How good it would have been if I could write ten hours a day. It is not easy usually every two hours you need a break. If I am at work, I get interrupted every half an hour.
It was late she had to go. we were sitting in her car. We had not said much yet, but we knew, when you want you know. It was raining outside and we had been sitting in the car for a while. "why can't we just take this road and go" ? she said. Knowing that she had said much more than she intended to. I looked at her, I was not ready, one had to be patient, they are stages to this, steps, and you have to take them one by one. and she had slid dwon the railing and wanted me to catch up. I did not know what to say, I politely shook her hand not acknowledging what she had said, and said Good by. Sometimes I think we are still sitting there, she and I and I am still looking for the words, extending my hand, not knowing if I should stay or leave.
"you can not hold a wild animal, you can't make them stay, and you always do that."Holly said to Doc. we have a very nice poem by Attar, the perisn poet. He compalins about his eyes and heart, for whatever his eyes see, his heart wants. At the end he decides to find a dagger and blind himself, so at least his heart is set free.
Posted by Idinraha at August 13, 2005 12:05 PM