Idinraha unshackled...

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October 10, 2005

Accidental living

Has it always been like this. It's a bit too much, everything that's happening around the world. I read the other day in a scientific magazine that the inside nucleus of the Earth is moving a bit slower that the outer parts. I believe in Balance, equilibrium, Yin and yang, black and white. It seems though we have been dwelling in grays for a long time. I tell myself it has always been like this, but we were not exposed to it as much or exposed to as much of it. We used to read news papers and maybe get a glimpse of the latest tragedies, while we read about them. Then we could put it aside and forget about it.

Now we are bombarded with the images and the anchors on the cable news shouting at us, giving us all the details; So we can be informed, and live a very informed life. I rather not, somehow the idea of living my life in a faraway farm in Arizona or Montana sounds much better to me these days. There's nothing I can do about the Earth Quake in Pakistan or the mudslide in Guatemala. I am tired of hearing about The Road Side Bombs, and Suicide Bombers. I know it might seem insensitive, but there's nothing I can do about what happened in the Gulf with Hurricanes, or Who is to blame. I am middle aged, with a soft belly and a family that I adore. I have long given up on the ideas of saving the world and I am more concern with saving my skin, to be a good man, a good husband, a good father and maybe even a good friend, that's it.

I used to think that I am a religious man too but after everything that has happened in the last three decades of my life, with the Iranian revolution and the thievery that has been done to my birth place, and its culture and any values we ever respected. I could say I find myself rather jaded, and I know there are many Iranians like me, in my age group and even older than me who like me they have lost their religion too. Well let's not be hasty, I do believe in God, and probably Mohammad, but the rest of it sickens me, the whole political side of my religion, the British Version, the whole Shiite, sunny, the division, the mullahs, and the deceit of any organized religion. I have a picture of the last pope in my office, I liked the man, there is a wooden small cross I keep with the pictures of my family in the front office, I have two statutes of mother Mary in the office, I have a Quran there too, and I do pray every day five times a week. I do believe in faith in believing, in a higher being, but more than ever I know that there's so much I don't know, and living as long as I have had that knowledge hurts me, for I expected a lot more from myself.

She told me yesterday that there are classes held in Iran on how to be a suicide bomber, and the attendees are all teenagers, youth, looking for something to believe in. She told me they are rumors of IMAM MEHDI coming out of a well in Chamaran, Iran and there are daily visitors to the site. She told me there is a possibility that one day someone comes out of that well and invite all the Shiites in the world to Jihad. The masses would believe it, and Mehdi has to wage a war on all the infidels and kill so many that the blood rises to the level of his feet while he is riding his horse. It is scary isn't it. And the whole sexuality of these offerings, the seventy two virgins and all such an allowance for all the tensions that has filled the young bones of these teen age Martyrs.

Oh, Satanic Verses, seems so elementary, so simplistic in comparison. How would you sell validations, confirmations, salvations, perditions. How you market it in colorful covers, and sell it. The thoughts behind it, the generosity of Evil, the expanse of it, the horror of its intentions, and the simplicity of the purchase. They have bled Empires, they have brought dynasties to their knees, and kingdoms to dust. The expectations of it, and the path to it. there are no Gold Calves for Moses to bring down, and no money changers for Jesus to accuse. They have caught us where we are with ideas, symbols and images. They nest where no one else can reach within the passages of minds.

And the doubts that weeds within us, the uncertainty of beliefs, the cultures of Anti- Heroes, cynical perceptions, no black or white hats, only shadows and instincts,
govern the games they play. I envy the ones who can truly believe, and that's where the youth becomes the victim, the glassy eyes of youth and idealism, I am scared, very scared.

Posted by Idinraha at October 10, 2005 03:17 PM

Comments

Posted by: LiveLife at October 11, 2005 10:52 AM

Posted by: cycho at October 12, 2005 09:21 AM

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