Idinraha unshackled...

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November 13, 2005

The curve ball

Thursday I realized that its not in me to count all the falling leaves, so I decided to just watch them as they fall, and try not to step on them. Although by not doing that I may be going against the will, or the wheel of the nature. I am trying to think in black and white lately. I think it would give my mind an easier time to concentrate on the images and the process.

For a PEACEFUL man like me, lately I have been having violent dreams. I do need to clean my head more often, using a broom of course , you do know for my affinity for brooms rather than vacuum cleaners. the only things that stops me from a complete cleaning, brooming, is having to actually go to those caves and tunnels, visiting the old ghosts, and the picture albums. oh, the picture albums. I have no patience for picture albums, they do not do justices to the images I have in my big head. That's another source of pain for me, if I had to clean, broom my head, the volume of scattered materials and of course the size of the endeavor, which could put fear in any man's heart.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with my stomach in upheaval, it was so bad. I knew the culprit; the two cucumbers I had right before I went to sleep. My wife was up too. I went downstairs and she followed me, worrying about me. She thinks my depression is back. I disagreed with her. I told her I am okay, and if she has to worry about any one, she should worry about Chirac. I kinda thought he might be having bigger problem now thann I do.

Going back to Thursday. I knew Thursday was the day, I was anxious and so I sat me down and thought; well what is bothering you old boy ? I asked myself. I wrote them down. I knew it was time to go back to my regular schedule, I had been goofing around too much, the productivity was down, and I needed an overhaul. So I had an emergency meeting with the other members of the board, and made a few decisions, set a new agenda and I will be changing direction. I felt so much better afterward. I was invited for a celebration at Fairfield University for Dr .B's new book. The party was given by the Women's study center. the though of being amongst so many sharp witted women was thrilling. I made it there. I had decided before hand not to be overly charming, and overbearing, not to talk too much and behave. It was great to see Dr. B. I got a hug and a kiss which made me feel more comfortable. It was a nice crowd, the estrogen level was high, and I was getting as much of it as I could. I mingled with a few people, some thought that I was a teacher in school too.

The reading was great. Dr B could be quite animated, and she has a wonderful voice. I enjoyed the poems she had chosen and immersed myself in her voice, and her sharp wit. As her words washed over me, I knew how badly I needed to be there. There it was; the cure for all my anxieties, being among people I feel close to. Afterward I told Dr B, how much I enjoyed it and how I would be delighted to go to any such gatherings if I were invited.

So, let's do it again. Jack is back. I think I would ask my friend and guardian Choob to take away the locks from the site, and lets have another go around. I hope I have learned my lesson, and stay within the boundaries I should, but knowing me, only God knows. incidentally Dr B, introduced me to one of her old students that now is an editor with a major publishing company. She was gracious enough to give me her card, and ask me to send her some of my materials. who knows. LIFE IS GOOD.

Posted by Idinraha at November 13, 2005 11:15 AM

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Posted by: cycho at November 16, 2005 10:46 AM

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