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December 30, 2005

You do what you can

My new discovery has been GOOGLE EARTH, I know I am a bit behind but I have it now. It's a very interesting soft ware, allowing you to view the whole planet we live on. It is colorfully, and mind bugling making me wonder what's next. I don't relate to the twenty first century very well, and technical gadgets confuse me, and I am afraid of the Cyber reality. However living on this planet is changing so fast in its structure and relations, that if you do not catch up........

My another discovery has been that I am a hermit. I like the distance that the Internet technology affords me in my relations with others. I don't do Friendship well, and just being in the close parameter of my immediate family suites me fine. I do everything to the extreme, maybe trying to expedite the process and go to the next thing, for one life is not enough to know and experience the gift of living. The most appealing features of this living though for me is Truth, and loving. The pureness of Truth intrigues me, and the generosity of loving fulfils me.

And I have so many bags that I have carried with me for so long and I am hoping that at some point I would let them down and get to step lightly, and dare further. I guess I can say that it was a tough year, but in many ways quite interesting and fulfilling. I do feel blessed for living in this country, and enjoying the peaceful security of living my every day life. It is was at the beginning of this year that Choob opened a whole new ways of relations for me by allowing me to have this blog and the privilege of registering my thought, and poetry. It was a very generous gesture and I am in debt to him. And I did have a good run with his gift and God knows how being here and doing this has helped me emotionally, allowing me to learn a lot, and to say a lot. I have shown my love through this blog for many people and also my disdain for some. I do have a sharp tongue, but I hope they all know that my main audience more than anyone else has been me, and my disdain more than any one else has been for me.

Frederic Fellini says, as an artist, it is your job to offend, to object and find new ways to showcase the reality you see. As one who has strived to fill that mold, I guess it has come naturally to me to do what I do, complementing or offending many around me. I was able to dare and write a book, good or bad I would not know yet, but I started it and I finished it. As usual Hob had been a loyal friend and companion through out the whole process. DR, Bridgford also had been a source of encouragement and did put up with all my moods and odd behavior through out that process too. And of course my wife, who centers my life so gracefully and patiently has been a source of loving and support. She is the one that actually asked me the question;" Javad, why is living so hard for you"? To which I did not have any answer.

You could fill the papers with many questions, you could ask for more, and then ask for even more, you could doubt your existence, your motives, your religion, your relations, your life, trying to get further and further close to the truth that awaits you. And in the process you would learn a lot, you would open many doors, which lead you to many other ones. But it's the quest, it's the process, that becomes the nucleus of your life and living. It is the trip and not the destination. And for a stationary man I do travel a lot. At the end you would find out that what you are does not change, but who you are would prosper in the process, so you do what you can.

There are people who have a much simpler understanding of their lives and living. For them, there are only Blacks, and whites. I envy them their calm and piece, and pity them for their limitations. For they never get to experience the magnificence of Purple and lavenders, the serenity of Blues and the life of reds. Looking at a sunset in its glory does not bring tears to their eyes, and seclusion of a bare winter does not touch them. They do not realize the longing of the fallen leaves in Ambers of Autumns and the wet humid sense of any bare foot summer. But they keep their skin in tact, and shades soothes their fears. There is always a balance, always a cost, and if you choose to wonder in the woods, be prepared to get lost.

It is about Four month that I have been also blessed with a new girlfriend, Josie, A seventy years young bundle of Joy, hugs and kisses. She brings me many gifts and we sit to talk many hours. She is generous with her emotions, and love, with long hugs and big kisses. I have always been blessed with companionship of older people. Sam Bino was a good friend to me, and guided me through my early days in business and thought me a lot about life, BOB German was another fabolus companion to me for many years, so was Teresa Pitaro, another generous soul, and they all afforded me their friendship and wisdom, and now it is Josie. Marjan invited her to spend the new years eve at our house with our family and she is coming for dinner.

My mother is one of the most beautiful women that I know. and she has been caring for me for all my years, and this year more than ever she has always been there when I needed her. She has watched over me closer than ever this year and although I do not call her every day like her other sons, but she knows I do love her. My brother Hossein also has been supportive of me through out this year. We are not very close and we differ in every aspects of our ideas and life. But he has been there for me when I needed him this year and I am grateful to him. I have a deep respect for the way he has brought up his sons and have tried to learn from him in that venue.

And of course MY two beauties, Amin, the sunshine of life, and Kiana, the apple of my eyes. They make me feel that I have done something good somehow somewhere to deserve the joy that they bring to me every day of my life. I have learned how to love from them, and it is such a privilege to be able to see them every day and watch them grow toward the promise of their lives.
I never expected such a fortune, such amazing depth of loving, and more than ever I am grateful to my wife for her share in such wondrous production and how she takes such very good care of them, how she loves them and guides them, gracefully and effortlessly. They make me want to be better, and do much more than what I can.

I should also pay tribute to Anthony my other Man crush, for being who he is. A gentle soul, who has been so supportive of all my crazy ways. He gives so much with such an ease, and we have come to be there for each other as we are getting older and raising our own families.

Posted by Idinraha at December 30, 2005 10:15 AM

Comments

Here is to another year! I hope it's a good one for you.

Happy New Year!

Posted by: cycho [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 2, 2006 02:20 AM

Thanks Choob, and I wish you another blessed year with your beautifull wife and of course as many beers as you wish, CHUGe, chuge, chug.

Posted by: Idinraha at January 2, 2006 10:29 AM

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