Idinraha unshackled...

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March 12, 2006

Bohemian Rhapsody

Driving up 95 North, already into my third beer, Freddie Mercury is shouting BESMELLAH, and I think, if he was alive there would be a Fatwa on his head. And all the tensions of living here, at this times in this age, I have had enough of UAB and the Ports, all the bickering, who is right and who is wrong, and does it really matter. Then I remember - For Evil to be victorious, we only need good men to be quiet and not to care. Am I a good man ? I ask myself, What is all this commotions, no, not yet, I am not going there, the meaning of life and all. Its an old...........

Four weeks of Pneumonia, Doctor told me I should rest, and I thought of John Malkovich, screaming, IT's my head, my head. and thought , nah, no rest there, and you have to move , not to become a target. Anti Biotic's make me depressed, and that's all I need, more Black clouds. Don't Stand so close to me, Sting is singing, and I thought about that old Woody Allen Movie, when he woke up and he was living in future, no we wont stand so close to each other, this is the age of Isolation, the age of separation and alienation, and of course Appetite............

-Thou shalt eat, but would not be satisfied, Thou shalt consummate, but it would not go forth. Well the trains are never on time, and we are always going somewhere, I have a hard time standing still, I am catching up with something, MY LIFE. I guess once we brought Armageddon upon ourselves, we can not complain that He had not warned us. It would get worse before it gets better. Hamid came to see me the other day, he finds some solace in talking to me, and he has the most developed case of the intelligent man getting disillusioned with his life, and he is a rug man too. But with him it's different, like me he loves old rugs, and when I see him I warn myself, Javad be careful, he can get away with it since he is rather good looking and has managed to stay alive, with two wives, and three sons, Wow

He has brought me his note book, which he has filled with beautiful Hafez and Mollana poetry, and he reads me some, while we smoke, and talk. unlike my other colleagues, with him we don't talk rugs, we talk poetry and today the subject is politeness, and how Hafez has made so much emphasis on polite ness. The words are mesmerizing and they are used to such delicious efficiency, it gets me high. I like our conversation and we are such apposite in our political and social beliefs that we try not to talk politics, I take Hafez and Mollana any day over these whores in Washington. I always enjoy hamid, we both take Paxil, actually in my business, most my colleagues take Paxill. Its the sign of all the failed ambitions of us the Brown Natives that have been boxed in the paradox of displaced men who can not forget.

I start another prayer under lips, while listening to the hard rock of AC DC, and sipping my beer, boy oh boy, if they could see me now multi tasking, I sure am talented, satisfying all my urges and fears all at the same time while self medicating myself. I used to be a very proper man, I think that was what my wife loved about me, I was a very polite man, with a darling body language of all the right poses and moves, and then life happened. I used to hate the taste of beer when I was young, I was fond of the quiet submission of wine, and the shapely glass I drank them in. Things change, remember

I thin the biggest disappointment of Humanity is that we do not learn, we make the same mistakes, and follow the same urges while knowing all the time that we are asking for it. And we are asking for it so badly these days. There is a fine line there that we have crossed so long ago, and I wonder why is God so patient with us. I wouldn't want his job. nah, I am way too lazy and emotional for that job. I have found myself to be more of a hermit since my business started to decline a few years ago. It's not healthy, I know, but most people I know are so boring, talking the same things, over and over again, just like me. I think I have found my footing and my business has established a bit. They were changes that had to be made and I was too comfortable and reluctant to change, but the changes are made now, I have a different business model, and have shed many of my debts, traveling light.

Well the spring is around the corner, we have had a few sixty degree days, and I will go on..... I am an Island, with no harbor, siting in a thick fog, wollowing in the salty water of the ocean, I am secluded, left of my own wishes. They say no man is an Island, but I think, more than anything or anybody, we live and die within ourselves and this ever lasting silence of the age. Thank God for colors, for ever changing nature of this geography, of this spread of land and oceans that lives simultaneously with us, as it goes on. No artist could have portrayed such a background for this tapestry, such delicious array of colors, weaving and moving, from the reds to greens, and ambers, gold and purples, and yet we do not see it, we do not....................

THERE IS NO GRACE LEFT IN THIS BUSINESS, I told the stubborn customer the other day. they are so vulgar in their demands, so shameless, but we have no one to blame but ourselves. Only if we get to be satisfied with less, we could survive with less, It is the embarrassment of the riches, and the ignorance of the fools. I am fasting these days, physically and emotionally, body and soul, I am trying to see how much less I can be satisfied with. I am a man lingering on the edges of himself .............

Posted by Idinraha at March 12, 2006 11:04 AM

Comments

Posted by: LiveLife at March 13, 2006 12:59 PM

Posted by: cycho at March 16, 2006 02:57 AM

Posted by: Mojgan at May 19, 2006 11:23 AM

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