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April 06, 2006
Where have you been? where are you going ?
I am actually hiding in a bunker, Yes of course its the profiling, The face, the beard, I looked suspicious and they took me. I told them, Its not my fault, I have been born with this face, yeah, I could shave the beard, but I like my beard, of course for good reason, it covers most of the mug I have been stuck with. I told them I am a long devoted conservative, who has voted for W, both times, but they said its the look in my eyes. How could they say that, I have soul full eyes, although they called it, The lost look in your eyes. I am a recluse I told them, I am mostly living in my own geography, I don't call anyone, and I have no close friends. They thought that is more reason, I might be probably hiding something.
But you know, they did not mistreat me, no physical torture. They even gave me a Quran, and asked me what they can do to make me comfortable. Nothing, I told them, I can not be comfortable, its not in me. They even got me a Doctor, and he asked me many questions, and at the end, he looked more confused. He offered Prozac, and I refused, I told them Paxil is my poisen. Any way, it was like a dream, but it was real. The doctor thinks I am severely disillusioned, and emotional. I told them actually that is the way I am, and have been the whole time I know myself. I told them about the site, and they laughed, another Blogger they said. I blamed Choob for it, but hey they think he is alright.
Any way, they knew everything about me, and after holding me for a while they said I could leave, but I refused. I felt so safe there. amongst all my Republican friends, and there is something about men in uniform that I like..........
I don't know where I have been and I don't know where I am going, I feel I am trespassing and one of these days, they will find out, that I am living some one else's life. I saw that new book,IMPOSTER, I thought it was my biography, but it was about W.
Its the expectation that hurts you, its trying to find pieces of you in others that leaves you disappointed and tired. Dr B, thinks my eyes are sad these days, I am just tired. living on the edge takes a lot out of you, and my old body has had it with me. The other day after having lunch with Dr B, I was feeling good, it was like therapy with me, and it bugles my mind that she sits across from me and listens, and she laughs at my many misadventures. She think I should write my memoirs. I am not that disciplined, I tell her. Any way, after saying good by to her, I was going to the parking lot, and suddenly ly I lost my balance, my ankle twisted and I was down on the ground, with a thorn pants and a bloodied knee, and mostly very embarrassed. hah, it serves me write, feeling good always ends up hurting me.
Don't, don't take it personally, you should not, I told Dr B, that is the way I am, I like to disappear, once in a while, I like to cut all the phone lines and turn in. Although I am so turned in by now, that my head is way up my nether regions. My mother was used to this, and used to say, he has problems with himself, just leave him alone. Mother knows best. Everything takes a lot of effort these days, I have to talk myself into everything I do. I got new glasses and seeing everything so clear did not help either. But I paid lots of money for it, so I am stuck with my new glasses and my new clear vision. I miss my stars, I like the new hours, with long days, so when I go home, I can see the sunset on the lake, it is so beautiful, that sometimes it makes me cry. OK, I know I am too emotional, but I told you for me there is no way out, so I am stuck.
I have been writing more poems lately and posted them on Poets. com, I am trying to talk myself into posting them here soon, very soon. I am not ignoring you my friend, I am just busy, living and at this point , I need to be by myself.
No hard feelings, just a little TIME OUT. I don't know I might even end up in the Chamgaran Well in Qum Iran. Its just a sabbatical as you guys say. Life is interesting.
Posted by Idinraha at April 6, 2006 05:35 PM
Comments
Sounds like you've been having fun!
I think it was in movie "The Big Kahuna" that he said something like: in dog years I've know him forever, in human years its been nearly a lifetime and in light years we've just met.
You now have my undivided cyber attention :-)
Posted by: LiveLife ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.idinraha.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at April 7, 2006 01:37 AM