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October 13, 2009
Mercurial silver bolts
I remember how I could close my eyes, walk out of my skin by turning my head to the side and step out.
I could evlove, dream, I could live in a separate reality, all mine. controlled as it was my shapeshifting, thrilling in its curiosity and bengin in its quiet remedies, I kept the secrets, held the words, I never said, even when it all crashed, I simply accepted that I was a stranger I belonged to a planet behind the sun, I was different.
And yet I was a child running on rooftops following the sun, drawing squares chalks in my hand, numbers in my head, I hoped and jumped and laughed loud when the kites fled swiming upward in the sky . I liked mischief, it was pushing shadows and craving the sun, it was the shallow pool with its green water and yet so deep , we choose the life we live, the gouls and the monsters I played them well sitting quietly still.
she had yellow hair and fair skin, buttoned eyes hazel round , she looked like the girls in the movies. She smelled of soaps and perfume, and her hair shined in the sun. She was foreign to us and so fetching in her novelty. For a brown native boy like me she was a prize and yet so out of reach. I could have asked, I could have desired I could have wanted her ........but The thrill of waiting was beyond any joy any pain , I learned to stay away, I learned to wait...........I had been awakened to reality of differences outside the limited collaborations of Blacks and whites, I have seen the posibilities of colors and how they brought new sensations , Colors had a different reality, there was sentiments in colors, emotions, and so much posibilities. By the second grade she dissapeared. But then i had come to know all the subtleties of Browns and ambers, oranges and reds, I read my black and white papers and yearned for the colorful images that came my way in books and magazines.
I found how my body reacted to stimulies. I would close my eyes and try to remember the sensations, and the images they offered me. The scents that hurled within me and danced on the scenseroy receptive nerve endings and bled in pinks and yellows, a certain joy that ran under my skin and expanded within me, Joy , joy, and the breath it took from me, the friction of joy in me -skin, flesh or bone, within my head, my loins, joy and how it made my eyes sleepy and the fog it brought to my head, a humid mist to get lost in and day dream. I was hooked, I was charmed, colors, textures, images , visions, to tremble to shiver, hot little mercurial silver bolts crousing in me, day dream mornings, and midnight ropes, chains to hang by and dare in different realms of raptures simple.
Posted by Idinraha at October 13, 2009 09:30 PM