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June 18, 2011
would you care to dance?
G; why now, why here, why me
B; you have so many questions. I don't know
G; there has been no purpose in your mischief?
B: Mischief, well, well, you learn fast, why mischief?
G: you are not supposed to be here
B; And .......
G; you are here.
B; How could I be here if I am not supposed to
G; Don't be a smart ass... you know... there are rules
B; And....
G we need to adhere to these rules........
B; I am too old for that discussion.
G; Yes you are and that might be an impediment
B: My age
G; Yes......................
B; I was born yesterday , ...... that is how it feels....... why question everything, if we are here then we are
G; But where do we go from here....
B: I can not worry about that.
G; I do.....
B:Its your choice...
G:Really, ? MY CHOICE ?
B; You are here
G; I know
B;And you could leave any time you wish....
G; I know..............
B: enjoy the process, there is no answer !!
G; I can not do this.; You and I , here, together
B; We are sitting apart...................
G; This is dangerous, you are dangerous.......
B; Live a little, safety is over rated.......................would you care to dance ?
Posted by Idinraha at 06:47 PM | Comments (0)
musings
eluding visions, elusive visions, illusions, maybe ............there is no certainty , there is no answer, there shouldn't be any answer. Presume there was and then what.......where we go from there once we got there...... the Earth had to be round, life moves in a circle, the destination is tomorrow and the days after for we are dancing in circles .
Lines are limited, they have a beginning and an end, sometimes there are bends and turns but it is always forward, circles are endless there is no drastic turn the war there are with squares , the changes are gradual and quiet . there is a softness about circles, no rigidity, almost feminine.....we can hold circular shapes better in our hands, the way our fingers and palms shape around them, it fits. Lines are lonely and singular, what is number one but a vertical line and
we all know one is a lonely number.
the curve of her back, her round shapely bosoms, curvy and shapely, we do have an affinity for circles and round shapes, they are more pleasing to us.......... there is a limit though once the curvy round loses its smooth edges, its not
as pleasing, bumps are not as much admired...... ..
I think we are lucky that we discovered, circles, and round objects otherwise....
Posted by Idinraha at 06:26 PM | Comments (0)
June 15, 2011
Chess (the reality of illusions)
It's quiet here, the sun is closer , and there is no relief in the shade. the day is past half and tomorrow is around the bend. I will move the pawn and then I will pause waiting for her. she swims in the morning across the river and then back , "sometimes I like to lay on the water and let it take me away" she said once. "then I get scared of how far I dare and swim back faster" she said..
we make love in the afternoon behind close doors, I am content but she likes us to be mischievous. The idea of my hand crawling under her skirt at a restaurant while she is talking seriously appeals to her, I am content, but she like us to dare further. I like to watch her sleeping naked. the way her hair falls on the pillow , the curve of her back, the side of her breast, I like to sit by the window smoking my cigarettes and watch her floating away.
We make love at midnight , half sleep, half dead, half awake, all needy, all wanting, hungry for more , our eyes closed , she climbs me, like a drunken mole, blind she finds her way , the greedy femme, I taste the wine in her mouth I taste my last cigarette, wishing I could gorge on her, half mad, all crazed, she holds me to a halt "stay please, just stay" she whispers,...................................
she is back from her swim, he hair sleeked back wet, sticking to her neck, her eyes blue silver, her lips almost purple cold, yet inviting , she kisses me, "the water was cold" she whispers, sitting across the table, she looks at the board
I follow her long fingers as she reaches and moves her pawn further...........................................
Posted by Idinraha at 01:01 PM | Comments (2)
June 07, 2011
girls of summer
Girls of summer in light linen dresses, bare legs, precocious with a song in their heads. I walk the streets looking for your face........sun gets closer at noon, shadows slip along the sidewalks, hiding in alley corners.......... I am alone in this town yet I hear your voice when sleep covers me over, I taste you in my dreams and your sweet breath stays finding me in awaken hours..... I turn my head left, I turn my head right....... I look behind me and then I look away, close my eyes and walk with you scattered in my head..........
I am of water and I have come to flow and take...........running on surfaces, rushing away, I dream humid and wet I dream drenched in sweat......and words , screams loud,..... I come up for air.........I flow and take, and yet I don't want to be taken as the muffled sounds of currents comes, streaming my way........I need to run and yet stay, I need to take yet give away
I need to be whole again , I am of seas and oceans, swept away...........I have been a storm blown in air.......I have drizzled and fell.... reaching ....................
You stand so close yet I can not hold you............You live faraway yet I can not deny you............go away so I would miss you and come back so I love you again and again...................I need a distance so I come to you.......I need to miss you as the days gets longer , to live without you and feel the pain when I want you and you are not here..............I need you to go away, I need you to stay , I need to love you.....be your lover...... yes. yes again and again.
Did you hear me, though you have not ever heard my voice did you know that it was me.........did you close your eyes and found an image of me the way you can imagine..... the way you want me....... did you hear me though you have never heard my voice ..........I am sitting here whispering in the wind.......so you can hear me......though.
He has been quiet for ages, for as long as he was building a house......walls, roofs, windows, ceilings and floors.....he was quiet for ages.........the house was built..... the silence grow deep in sacraments of resentments......... and now as he is breaking the walls, the windows, the roofs and floors, as he is taking away all brick by brick he should scream, loud, louder he should holler and yelp......... he should.
you come her, clean all the traces of your stay, you come here in silence and I give you so very much, so,so very much of me to take away......................................
Posted by Idinraha at 03:52 PM | Comments (0)
June 03, 2011
Therapy
"One of these days you gonna walk in here in the morning and find me sleeping on the couch, deep sleep. this is the safe house, where I can take a deep breath and disrobe" I said wistfully and then I sat deeper in the couch. " It would not be a stretch if I find you sleeping here, but disrobing as long as is mentally it's okay" Dr Klein said with a smirk on his face.
There is a sense of safety in his office. surrounded by windows, its a half circle shape sitting room decorated with Fine Persian rugs and comfortable leather couches. There are plants all over the room greening the atmosphere. He is tall with a head full of white hair, always dressed up in casual name brand clothing. He has a soft voice. and the words struggle coming out of his mouth. He talks with a quiet hush, careful and soothing and once in a while he comes out with brilliant one liners to squash my ego , sharp witty phrases with great timing.
Usually we laugh a lot, and his face saddens deeply at times when I break down and cry. but we mostly match wit and show off our deep knowledge of the language we play with mischievously. Every time as I am leaving his office one of us says something and we both come out laughing. There is always this gentlemen in the waiting room who witnesses our happy exit and one time he just could not stand it anymore. " How come you guys are always laughing, therapy should not be so funny", he objected now standing up. " we have been doing this for a long time, and believe me therapy is very funny." I chimed as I bid goodbye to the good doctor.
I think therapy is a day in the woods where you find new back roads and inroads to the sunnier places . You learn to understand your own human condition and how to coupe with the barrage of daily bends on the road. you learn to navigate and maneuver around the obstacles and how to survive the once in a while crashes. It also takes away some of the loneliness one feels since there are not many people you could talk and converse at that level of intelligencer. We all live alone within the parameters of our psyche and are sometimes so alien to the persona we mask ourselves in socializing with others. There is such a positive energy in affirmation of your ideas by another, affirmation of your life.
Posted by Idinraha at 02:52 PM | Comments (2)