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November 28, 2011
The Fire Burns
The waves have settled.... The wind subsided ... I need to step out, outside my head....... Do not need to observe my life , just need to live it with instinct..........It seems the sun would leave the parlor, the curtain will come down and
darkness soothes my senses... it allows me to float with my eyes closed...... float within and fall ....
I feel whole again.... The sutures are getting covered by new skin... fresh and pink... the jagged edges are melding and the the cavities are covered by protean fibers......... The bones have healed though there is a phantom pain that sometimes flows through my bones and paralyzes me , waking me up or bringing me down to my knees..... I could take these little pills for pain to go away and She says if I take them regularly they never come back.....somewhere they get barricaded and left to decimate.....
I have left the room........ I sleep somewhere else and the situation seems so temporary, however I know I would never go back.....In my youth I vehemently avoided branding things as MINE.... it always was the car I use....the house I live in..... never mine.... I barely had claimed me , .........and then it was the yellowed skin......the poison and Coma...... and yet all the reasoning, all the logic,,,,, were not enough.... I put up a good defense and argued my case...........She would not hear of it......
And this burden of years , the crown of normalcy...... This accumulation of alphabets and numbers....the necessity of sunrises and sunsets, all of this, the reluctant son.... the cruel father , paternal yet blind to the sensibility of strangers and anything beyond the green Book of salvation.... oh he could not see ... and if he saw he would not recognize..................
Yes it pains me to be carrying so many faces, so many destinies.....the blind maze, the odor of growing fungus, the green smell of growth... and the blue colds of limits,... this circus... ... batches of eggs, the fertile genitals that survive cohabitation of ordinary and mundane..... this generation following the last in a blind maze....... There is not any individuality in living or death.....
Yet another sunrise and the life that awakens...............folowing the crowd at arms length......... the fire burns............
Posted by Idinraha at November 28, 2011 04:12 PM
Comments
when are you going to put all this angst into a poem? i miss your poetry...
Posted by: jen at December 2, 2011 06:34 PM